November 14 12

The second worst thing to hear at the dentist is this:

We are going to do this today without any freezing at all!

The first worst thing to hear at the dentist is this:


Luckily for me, I got to hear both of those things just this morning.

This is why I have a successful blog, you guys. I cannot get out of my own way. If something ridiculous is going to happen, it’s going to happen to me.

Ewan McGregor is laughing at you

If you have been playing along and following my unfortunate turn of dental events, you would know that I have teeth that are crumbling right out of my face. Did you know that teeth nightmares are super common? It’s true! People dream about pulling teeth, rotting teeth, falling teeth, broken teeth, and crumbling teeth. Well, because I may have mentioned that ludicrous things always happen to me, this is no dream, folks. This is real life. As real as people wanting to secede from the union. So, the solution, of course is crown, crown, crown. Let’s crown the heck out of those puppies so I don’t die of pain and so that I can chew again. Also, let’s help you stop with that whole crumbling thing by giving you are super sex-ay mouth guard. I’m a sexy, sexy beast, really…but perhaps I may get to keep some of my own teeth, unless that poor Rebecca from Breaking Amish.

So. Today was the second appointment for crown #1. I had already had the hard stuff done and had a temporary crown put on. Today was supposed to be the big reveal (JAZZ HANDS!) of the new crown and a simple bait and switch action. “I can do this without freezing!” I say, all superhero-like!

And then 30 minutes turned into 45 and 45 minutes turned into 60 and that’s when I heard it…”Wow. This has never happened before!” I’m pretty sure we are going to have to take some more impressions (again) and have the lab REBUILD YOU YOUR CROWN because this one just isn’t right. So, I got to lather, rinse, repeat the original crown appointment only this time with NO DRUGS.

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Also, some more ouch.

And then I got to have my temporary crown put right the heck back on my tooth.

If you need me, I’ll be over here, doing the Claire Danes ugly cry and maybe taking advantage of the 832 Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic emails I have gotten today alone (Did you know they are having a 30% off sale?)

Claire Dance Ugly Cry Homeland

  1. Oh honey, I understand. Crowns to me are a piece of cake after the extraction and implant.

    There is a reason why I have a category on my blog titled Dental DAMN!

    Comment by Kristabella on November 14, 2012
  2. Ha! Not trying to play the pain olympics…I’m sure there’s much, much worse. It’s just ridiculous that I spent an entire morning there and came out with the exact same temporary that I had going in.

    Comment by ali on November 14, 2012
  3. Oh, I know. I was just saying I understand dental frustration (not even the pain!) because shit like this happens to me too.

    I swear, I think Rebekah has the right idea.

    Comment by Kristabella on November 14, 2012

    Comment by ali on November 14, 2012
  5. Ali, I too have recently been prescribed one of those super sexy night time biteplates, and when I went to pick it up at the dentist’s office a couple of weeks ago, I got to hear that infamous, “This has never happened before.” You see, they handed me the new biteplate (a week after I’d been in for my “mould impression”…gag me with an impression plate!) and warned me that it might feel a little uncomfortable. As I tried to wrangle it onto my lower teeth, I wondered how I was going to do this every night. Finally they clued in…that the lab had mislabeled someone else’s biteplate and I had Ms.Rosemary Cohen’s biteplate shoved into my mouth! The hygenist was quick to find Ms.Cohen’s box which held my biteplate, and assure me that Rosemary hadn’t worn either one yet, but eeeewwww!

    Comment by Jennifer on November 14, 2012
  6. That is…um….OMG.

    Comment by ali on November 14, 2012
  7. Oh man. I’m so sorry. What a nightmare.

    Comment by Meghan on November 14, 2012
  8. Heh. No pun intended.

    Comment by Meghan on November 14, 2012
  9. DO I KNOW? YES. I KNOW. The 6526474363653 emails I receive hourly from BR/Gap/Old Navy make sure I’ll remember. About their 30% off sale! Sigh.
    About the teeth. I’m sorry! When I was like 13? I had to get braces. But my gum was too thin on my bottom row, Sonoma had mouth surgery. They had to cut skin from the roof of my mouth and sew it with stitches to my bottom row. Teeth pulled, stitches, mouth surgery. Good times. I bled so bad a day later i had emergency late at night stitcjes put in. Gah. I still hate the dentist.

    Comment by Loukia on November 14, 2012
  10. Sonoma = so I had. (What the?)

    Comment by Loukia on November 14, 2012
  11. Man, I love that Ewan McGregor clip! Sorry to hear your teeth are crumbling. I can’t imagine how much pain you must be in (not to mention the dollars you must be spending on having them fixed!) On the upside, you’ve scared me into wearing my night guard again, so thanks!

    Comment by Amberlea on November 14, 2012
  12. I’m pretending that they are free. HAHAHAHAHA!

    The night guard is totally working. It’s really worth it. 10000%

    Comment by ali on November 14, 2012
  13. I can’t even type this without shuddering. My dental phobia is HUGE and just reading about this has me wanting to hide under my covers. For the record, your teeth have always looked really nice to me. Unless you’re just distracting me from them with your awesome hair.

    Comment by Sharon on November 14, 2012
  14. I don’t have a phobia…but I can not even imagine having to go through this with a phobia—I wouldn’t wish it on an enemy..

    It’s the back teeth on both sides, because I’m a grinder. (HAWT!) most people don’t see back teeth…they are hidden rather nicely.

    BUT I’ll take the hair compliment 🙂

    Comment by ali on November 14, 2012
  15. I have had the crumbling teeth dream for years. Where they turn to dust. As horrible as my teeth are (no joke, I spent 4k on them in March) it’s not all that out there a dream.

    I’m sorry you have horrible teeth too. It’s not fun at all.

    Comment by Issa on November 14, 2012
  16. Oh, ouch, I’m so sorry for you! Just think, though, next time it will seem so easy peasy by comparison.

    Comment by Schmutzie on November 14, 2012
  17. Silver lining…I’m counting on it! 😉

    Comment by ali on November 15, 2012
  18. I play this game at night – What annoying company just e-mailed me the same sale for the millionth time? Banana and Gap are always extremely good bets!! Of course the one time I go and buy something, I have no coupon. :\

    Comment by Katie on November 16, 2012

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