One day they will say this about me: She made a mean chocolate chip cookie, but she was awkward on conference calls. 

I’m cringe-worthy, really. I’m the one who gets booted out, I’m the one whose sound it always just a little bit wonky, I’m the one always accidentally muted, I’m the one who talks at the same time as someone else, I’m the one with the weird fishbowl echo-ing, I’m the one with the dog, I’m too quiet, I’m too loud, I’m the one who talks about the weather.

And then, this week, I was this one.

Oh yes, I was.

I was at home, in my Sons of Anarchy SAMCRO t-shirt, my what was left (and properly smeared) from yesterday’s makeup, and my Snooki poof, when I clicked the link to take me to my conference call only to find myself unknowingly in a video call.

Ahem. A vision. 

And once you’re on the video call, there’s no way out of the video call. Everyone will spend the rest of the call trying to figure out if you meant to do that with your mascara. And I can’t even offer the chocolate chip cookies as a delicious apology.

Truthfully, I prefer conference calls on days that I work from home. Because I work in a cubicle that exists in the southeast quadrant of where three other people also have cubicles, when I sit on a conference call, so do all three of my neighbors. So they get to cringe right along with me and in the hierarchy of cubicle etiquette, chomping carrots comes out as being better than conference calls. So home is better, albeit slightly fashionably risky.

But now I have most definitely learned my lesson.

Makeup. Hairbrush. Clothing.

And never click an unknown link. Always, always, always call in on the phone.