December 4 09

There are things I know and just, well, forget. Like the nuts thing. I KNOW that I should only eat exactly 9 cashews or else I suffer the stomach pain of death for the rest of the day. But, hot damn, I really like cashews so while I’m eating them I simply forget my no-more-than-nine rule and suffer the consequences later. It’s the same for diet coke. I know in my heart of hearts that I have a one DC limit or else we enter into a loopy, jittery insomnia-filled territory that no one needs to witness.

But last night I drove to the airport to pick up Miss Kristin, who is back in town for another fun-filled weekend with me and munchkins. And I needed to make sure I was awake. So, I drank three diet cokes with my dinner. and then another one on the way to the airport…just for good measure. and then I forced Kristin to watch copious amounts of the food network and ponder things like the proper definition of a pig in a blanket – I say it’s mini hotdogs wrapped in pastry and she (and Denny’s) are of the opinion that it’s sausage wrapped in pancakes, which really only makes me think of that “shmoke and a pancake” line from Austin Powers (holla!) even though the two are completely unrelated. We also pondered if Duff was Duff Goldman’s real name (it’s not)(it’s Jeff) and then I let her go to bed. but, sigh, I tried to go to bed but ended up watching 30Rock and The Office and several episodes of The Vampire Diaries which you really can’t blame me for because there is just so much pretty. It’s BOONE! and some dude who I don’t know but I wish he would continue to stay shirtless.

And while I should have been sleeping I pondered more important things like why in the hell does Williams Sonoma charge so much for its food??!? The WS catalog is food porn to me (the same way the the Anthropologie catalog is clothing porn to me)(and don’t get me started on history textbooks. Someday I will tell you about what history does for me. It’s a little embarrassing. and probably a good thing I didn’t become a history professor. Because it probably wouldn’t be very professional. heh) oh yes. I mean, did you know that you can order three months of croissants? And cakes and biscuits and appetizers and candy and morning buns and pancakes mixes and meat and cheese. But, oh my god, seriously…NINE cupcakes for $60? for $60 they should be mammoth-sized. They should fit on my car the way that hunk of meat went on Fred Flintstone’s. They should not look like this.


Clearly, I am in the wrong business. Because I could make these for what? $1.39?I probably need to start baking for a living.

um, and how much do you think this 5x5x5 cake would cost to make? $2.49?


The WS wants you to pay NINETY FUCKING DOLLARS for this cake. no. I am not kidding. That’s it. I see a bakery in my future. I can kick fondant’s ass.

Don’t buy the croissants either…they will set you back $99. For serious.

And I pondered where I can get the car coat that Serena was wearing on this week’s Gossip Girl.


And guess what…after some careful research it seems that I can have said coat. For only $995 dollars. Goodie. I also pondered why they didn’t choose a hotter actor to play Tripp Vanderbilt.

And, well, I pondered this….


Now I need to go and make myself a cup of coffee and try to remember that more than 2 cups of coffee = diet coke effect. Only, there’s a good chance I will forget this rule because I will be too busy setting up my bakery…and watching too much TV.

  1. OH MY GOD! Did you see the beef wellingtons? Did you see the pancakes with the filling? Can you tell that last night I was eying the William Sonoma catalogue as well?

    Comment by Heather B. on December 4, 2009
  2. Thank you for not making me feel bad about loving Vampire Diaries. It is my closet obsession. Damon Hello! Also, staying with the CW them…Trip Vanderbilt, why? Nate is yummy go for him.

    Now that I have confessed that I watch way too much television geared toward high school girls I shall go back to work.

    Comment by Kate on December 4, 2009
  3. For ninety bucks that cake better help me lose weight and clean up after itself.

    Comment by Libby on December 4, 2009
  4. hahaha gee that is some expensive bakery goodness! and you are too funny.i love THE VAMPIRE DIARIES and serena’s coat was gorgeous but not i guess for that much frikkin money

    Comment by LAVENDULA on December 4, 2009
  5. That’s the best stream of consciousness I’ve ever read.

    Comment by Avitable on December 4, 2009
  6. According to Wikipedia, you & Kristin are both right about the pigs in a blanket. I was totally on your side though. For me, it is a mini hot dog wrapped in some type of bread (to be eaten with mustard). As you can see by my obviously fancy choices in food, I am someone who would really appreciate $90 cupcakes. I have such a refined palate.

    Comment by Corey on December 4, 2009
  7. History=awesome!

    Pigs in blanket = sausage wrapped in biscuit.

    Comment by Heather on December 4, 2009
  8. I can make brownies that taste like a million bucks. We could charge $1.5 million for a small pan of them! I guess what I’m asking is can I be your Geof to your Duff?

    Comment by fadkog on December 4, 2009
  9. Holy Hannah, 9 cashews? Is it just cashews, or other nuts as well?

    And gotta say, your #dietcokeoverdose tweet is better than any #drunken tweet I’ve seen in a long time!

    Comment by Nenette on December 4, 2009
  10. WS catalog is just too amazing. Love it. I am going to their store tomorrow and I sort of want to squeee right now.

    Those cupcakes have to be laced with crack or something. You can buy 12 Sprinkles Cupcakes for $36. Those are like heaven in a wrapper, so these have to me better. Hmmm cupcakes.

    Comment by Issa on December 4, 2009
  11. Nobody understands my chai addiction – like what’s so wrong with ONE CHAI. But, one chai for me is like 4 DCs for you. And I do it EVERY DAY.

    Comment by Haley-O (Cheaty) on December 4, 2009
  12. I LOVE that little cake. It probably tastes like shit, huh? That WS catalog is awesome though. When my money tree starts to bloom, I’m totally buying all that stuff.

    Comment by Karen Chatters on December 4, 2009
  13. ALIMARTELL! I told you not to tell anyone what Binky’s real name is!!!

    Comment by heather... on December 4, 2009
  14. I’m guessing you’re not sending me those cupcakes for Xmas?


    Comment by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on December 5, 2009
  15. I need to hear more about what history textbooks do to you. Is it the historical characters? The musty books? Seriously, my curiosity is piqued!

    Also, I need the WS Giant Caramel Apple and Caramel Marshmallows, OMFG.

    Comment by metalia on December 6, 2009
  16. Who the fuck could eat a sausage wrapped in a pancake?
    American food…. nasty.

    Comment by Tali on December 7, 2009
  17. I’ll make you all that stuff AND a coat for the price of a plane ticket to come see me.
    No DC needed.

    Comment by moosh in indy. on December 7, 2009
  18. I am sure I could make that cake for $2.99, but mine would look like someone threw up on it. Twice.
    .-= pixielation´s last blog ..I’m a legal alien, like a prawn. =-.

    Comment by pixielation on December 14, 2009

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