This morning i get on the scale and do my little happy dance because i lost half a pound. yes, i realize it’s half a pound, and it’s not much to write home about, but i’ve been stuck on the same number for the past 3 weeks. 3 weeks?

it seems no matter what i do, i stay the same. i exercise. i watch every little bit of food that crosses my lips. i count calories. i avoid junk food. i weigh x.

i don’t exercise. i sit on my ass and watch tv and make blankets. i eat sushi. and chocolate. and cookies. and my sister in law’s chocolate pecan pie (it’s to die for, by the way). i eat about half of joshie’s birthday cake. i weigh x.

it doesn’t change. i’m at a “plateau”. one of my least-favorite weight-related words. another one i hate (well, it’s technically MORE than a word)? “oh, it’s your age.” you get close to thirty and your metabolism shuts down. um, yeah, okay. great. also…”you look great for having had three babies” like there’s a little disclaimer in there. you look okay…but because you’ve housed and birthed three children, we’ll throw you a bone and say you look great.

also? my dad said i was THE perfect candidate for a tummy tuck. let me tell you how good that made me feel.

so…minutes after i got off the scale, the husband got on. he’s lost…wait for it…9 pounds in the last 2 weeks. nine fucking pounds.

how does he do it, you ask? two words: South Beach. he’s really strict with himself (but he did indulge in the pie. and he had birthday cake, too. not as much as i did, but still). nine pounds. in two weeks.

i’m beginning to think this might be what i need. so, you’re hearing it here first. i’m going on the south beach diet, starting MONDAY, until Christmas.

i’m going to need your help. i’m a very picky eater and am going to have lots of trouble coming up with breakfast and lunch ideas for the first two weeks…which, in essence, is DETOX. you can’t eat anything!

forbidden foods include: most meats and poultries, carrots, corn, peas, all fruit, all starches, all sweets. so…what can you eat? acceptable foods include: nuts, low fat cheese, low fat meats, eggs, sugar substitutes, most vegetables.

wish me luck! i’m going to need it!

Survivor

~okay, seriously, Jenny needs to stop.talking.now. she doesn’t talk at all and when she does she’s all “we’re going to pick ’em off like zits!” is she in 4th grade?

~Candice jumps ship so she can jump Adam’s bones. okay. i understand. way to wear your girlie-bits on your sleeve. but jonathan? methinks that was just a dumbass, panic-driven move.

~best exchange EVER on survivor: “Raro just wasted a canonball. They’re not paying attention!” “oh, please Jeff.” “Jonathan, getting frustrated by me!” bwah.

~so…who’s the biggest ass on Raro? Jonathan? Nate (um…you, my dear, are NO denzel)? Adam?

~Ozzy=Bobby Jon. and i love him for it.

~how does a 10 person jury work? what if there’s a tie? maybe it will come down to three, instead of 2? but that could result in a 3-way tie…or maybe someone will lose their right to vote in the jury? so many possibilities…

Grey’s Anatomy

~i totally heart the Addison/Callie friendship. i hope we see more of them. i hope they don’t spring an “addie had a miscarriage and that’s why her marriage deteriorated” storyline on us. that would be so unfair. or worse…i really hope she’s not pregnant. and if Callie can continue to keep her clothes on, she might become one of my favorites!

~ alex and george bitch slapping scene. had me in hysterics.

~i have so much love for the chief right now. manlove. brokeback mountain? (channeling his inner Michael Scott, perhaps?) he. and his rolling suitcase!

~”he’s scrappy!” i love love love the burke/george friendship. O’malley’s his guy. love!

~i still think Derek is a jackass…but he and Meredith are MFOE (that’s kindergarten for made for each other. duh.)

~Bailey is back!