Because I am Awesome At Spontaneity. Also, Getting Dressed. - Cheaper Than Therapy Cheaper Than Therapy

January 30 12

Because I am Awesome At Spontaneity. Also, Getting Dressed.

Surprise sushi really is the best kind of sushi, isn’t it?

You are resigned to having a boring old meal at home and then your husband calls and says he will be at the front door in no less than three minutes and everyone needs to be ready to go because HUZZAH! WE ARE GOING FOR SUSHI! It’s like a dream come true. No, I didn’t want to eat the chicken and quinoa and broccoli. No! I want to eat seaweed salad and giant rolls filled with veggies and tempura bits and spicy mayo. I want an endless supply of green tea. I want wasabi and soy sauce as far as the eye can see. I want to eat my dinner with chopsticks.

So, of course, I do as I’m told. We are ready in no less than three minutes.

(One of us may have been wearing pajamas and one of us may have had chocolate on our face. But we were ready for our sushi dinner.)

And then, as we are about to pull into the restaurant, I remembered a conversation I had earlier in my bathroom.

“I can see your bra straps.”

“I know. I can’t help it. This shirt is really boatneck-y and there’s really no way to avoid it.”

“It really doesn’t look good, Mama.”

“Maybe if I put on a black bra?”

“No. That might be worse.”

“Oh wait! I have a strapless bra! I have never worn it. Ever. I don’t even know what size it is. But it’s from Victoria’s Secret! I’m sure it’s perfect! I mean! The girls are always smiling in the ads, right?”

CRAP. ON. A. CRACKER.

That girl who was smiling in that photo? She was FULL OF LIES. Because there’s no way she was able to keep that puppy keeping her puppies in place. There’s no way that she can run, jump, or even sit and eat dinner. There’s just no way.

Because here I was, sitting in my favorite sushi restaurant, wearing a strapless brassiere for the very first time.

My bra was sittingâ€”uncomfortablyâ€”around my waist.

My boobs were sittingâ€”uncomfortablyâ€”where boobs are supposed to be sitting. Humiliated, they were.

And this is why girls who are, maybe, (on a particular bloated day, perhaps) a 32-b should never wear strapless bras in size 34-c.

Or possibly never wear strapless bras EVER.

Or possibly just never leave the house.

Filed Under

the girl behind the screen

Comments

14

Those smiling girls are Stepford wives trying to lure us into a false sense of security. Like the pantyhose/nylon people…shudder. If women can wear strapless bras without their bits slipping where they’re never supposed go, they clearly don’t need one.
Comment by Kat on January 30, 2012
Strapless bras are horrible. They never stay put, no matter what size you are, unless they’re so tight they’re cutting off circulation. If I ever need to go strapless again, I’m planning on getting a corset, then it rests on your hips and *stays where it’s supposed to*. That’s important in a bra.
Comment by Jessica on January 30, 2012
The only time I’ve ever worn a strapless bra comfortably was with a bridesmaid dress that the woman altered to fit so tightly, that I could jump and dance without fear of my boobs showing or top falling down. That held the strapless bra in place.
Comment by Kristabella on January 30, 2012
Strapless bras are evil…
Comment by Jenny on January 30, 2012
They just don’t work! I have tiny little A’s and they don’t even work on me. I hope you were able to enjoy your sushi in spite of the bra.
Comment by monstergirlee on January 30, 2012
you make me smile every time. I keep giggling at the imagery. props, I would never even make the attempt.
Comment by Cheri on January 30, 2012
Strapless bras are disastrous – the ones that have a little bit of rubber on the bad you hook together SOMETIMES stay in place for longer, but since you always hook them tighter to make them stay they get stretched out a little.

I also really like the corset idea from another comment, or maybe if they hooked in font they’d be better?

No.

Nothing could make them better.

Next time – bra cups.
Comment by Maryann on January 30, 2012
She’s only smiling in the picture, because she knew she was taking it off immediately after the picture was taken.
Comment by mommabird2345 on January 30, 2012
Hold on. I kind of love strapless bras. And I shouldn’t because I’m D (on a good day DD other days).
The best one I got was at Frederick’s of Hollywood which is totally random. But, before VS was in Canada we went to Buffalo for a strapless bra for a wedding. And VS was closed to prepare for a sale to I went to Frederick’s and was shocked. Seriously. Their strapless bras are great.
Comment by Laural on January 30, 2012
I’ve known a few women to use double-sided tape to keep the bra in place.

Just saying.

There is a solution, though the end of the night might not be pleasant… 😉
Comment by ShredderFeeder on January 30, 2012
I had the same problem until I went to Secrets From Your Sister and they fitted me for a strapless bra. They even altered it for me. No more slippage. I’m a wee person, so this is a big deal for me.
Comment by Tamara on January 30, 2012
Can u add me to list?
Comment by Robin on January 30, 2012
I have to say that I actually like when the girls I date wear strapless bras, but for entirely different reasons.
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