November 24 13

When my best friend broke up with me, I cycled through a tremendous amount of the mostly expected feelings. I was angry, I was hurt, I was confused, I was lonely, I was sad. I ate my feelings, and then starved my feelings. I cried, I screamed, I suppressed. But you know, mostly it was about me. How this affected me. Which, I believe, is still on the acceptable side, since I still don’t really understand the whys of it all.

But then last night, by chance, I saw two of her daughters.

And after the initial giant bear hugs and OMGs!, they excitedly sat down beside me to dish and fill me in on all of the things I have missed in the past almost-year.

It has been almost a year. Now, these are girls I saw at least once a week for basically their entire lives, as our friendship began shortly after her oldest daughter’s baby naming. Once upon a time, for many, many years, I knew everything. And now I know nothing. Nothing.

Back when I was stuck in my Vortex Of  Feelings, I didn’t stop to think about the six kids involved here—her three, my three. As much as I don’t understand, they understand less. As much as I’m confused, they are likely more confused. It feels unfair to me, of course. But I can’t even imagine how unfair it must feel to them, they are just collateral damage here.

I miss them.

But now I know that they miss me.

And  that is just so much worse.




  1. Hopefully, at the very least, you can still have them in your life and in your kids’ lives.


    ali replied on

    I actually don’t even know how to make that happen, sadly.


    Kristabella replied on

    I just hope that at some point she pulls her head out of her ass and realizes the same thing – that it isn’t fair to the kids.


    Comment by Kristabella on November 25, 2013
  2. I am going through a similar thing .. We were two families camping together when their daughter was conceived. We vacationned often together, Jamaica, Wildwood …Over 10 years of friendship mysteriously and very succinctly vanished. It’s been two years, and I have run into the kids with their dad often, he apologized for his wife’s behavior but there are no answers .. I miss her and I wish I had some clue why it happened. sad for you too!


    Comment by Sarah on November 25, 2013
  3. I haven’t spoken to my former BF since last February, other than a hello here and there when it was unavoidable. The why isn’t important and would take too much bandwidth to explain anyway.

    She and I had been friends for six years, and her boys (twins) and my son were total BFFs. In fact, we used to say that we each had triplets because the three of them were inseparable. But since last spring, I only see the boys when I happen to run into them around town, since what split her and me also split our kids.

    Friday night, one of her boys got injured in an out-of-town football game. Ten months ago, I would’ve been on the phone with her immediately, getting medical updates and calming her down. But that night, I just got my news from Twitter and Facebook. I thought about sending her a text, but couldn’t make myself do it.

    So strange and hard and weird.


    Comment by Lisa (@BindsTheTuna) on November 26, 2013
  4. Ugh. Just, ugh. I wish I didn’t understand a little how you feel but part of me does. That part of me wants to just kick everyone in the shins for you.


    Comment by Jen on November 26, 2013

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