May 9 13

I know I might have done my husband a slight disservice by announcing to the world how over-the-top wonderful he is. I mean, he hunts down Kelly Ripa’s Valentino dresses. But he does other things, less exciting (and expensive) things for me on a daily basis that I really mostly don’t deserve. Because I don’t know if you realized this, but I’m kind of a crazy person. A basketcase, if you will. I’m Ally Sheedy’s character from The Breakfast Club and yes, I do always carry this much shit in my bag. I even recently had this very conversation at the Toronto airport when said bag fell ass-over-tealkettle and said shit decorated the floor of terminal 1′s security line-up.

He is growing a beard for me, mostly because I really, really miss watching Sons of Anarchy. Also, because beards are seriously appealing. Not like, uh, Duck Dynasty beards where food and other trinkets could potentially get lost—those are not appealing and a little bit frightening for a germophobe like I am. Of course I am.

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He is growing a vegetable garden for me.

And, well, he is also growing a thick skin for me because he is indulging me these days. I am almost fairly certain that I don’t really ever want to eat meat again.

Yes, my carnivorous chef of a husband has just nodded his head and is okay with the fact that I don’t want to eat his delicious ribs or steak or chicken or the homemade sausages that he is planning to make with his brand-new sausage-maker toy. Oh yes he does have one.

Last week I was pretty much thrown completely over the edge. I have always fancied myself somewhat of a flexitarian. I don’t know if I actually coined this term, but, well, let’s just say that I have been straddling the line between meat and no meat for many, many years. It was likely a commitment thing—I’m not the best at it. I have enough trouble choosing a breakfast cereal, let alone an entire eating lifestyle choice. It’s too much!

Also, there’s this wee problem of all the damn allergies. Oh yes. Try being a Pinterested vegetarian when you are allergic to all nuts and avocado.

It can’t be done.

Everything has nuts and avocado. Or both.

But last week, you guys.

I opened the freshly bought raw chicken to make dinner. I don’t often make dinner that isn’t my famous homemade cheese sauce or grilled cheese and tomato soup or breakfast-for-dinner night. You see, when Daddy is a chef and never makes the same thing twice, the kids count on Mama to make the staple comfort foods. Sometimes you just don’t want to eat homemade Indian food because, well, you have training the next morning and you just know that this might not end, uh, well. But I was making the chicken!

And then there was a smell.

“Josh, come here and smell this.”

“Uh.”

“Does it smell kind of funky to you?”

“Uh.”

“Well, is there an actual smell because sometimes I think there’s a smell and I’m really just being kind of a crazy person so I’m not really sure. You know how I am about milk, sweetie? Daddy isn’t here so I need you to just smell it for me, k?”

“I’m not sticking my face in that. And you shouldn’t either.”

And my 10-year-old son was absolutely right.

If I need to be sticking my face into raw animal meat to see if it’s actually good or maybe, possibly off, I probably shouldn’t be eating it at all.

So. Well. There it is.

Commitment.

I started this post as a non-vegetarian and I finished it as a vegetarian. Ten years of writing on the Internet and I am still full of surprises.

But now I just need to find some recipes on Pinterest that don’t have avocado. Or nuts.

And refuse the homemade sausages this weekend.

But I love a challenge. So.

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  1. I am a vegetarian and I am severely allergic to dairy, soy and some nuts. And corn. Oh and honey and many raw vegetables. But six-ish months ago I realized I didn’t want to eat animals any more, so here we are.

    Your husband looks AMAZING with a beard.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kate on May 9, 2013
  2. I love that photo of you two! Also, I’m 3 episodes in to SOA! I’m getting there!

    I hate raw chicken. HATE. I can do raw beef and pork, but I cannot cook raw chicken. The best I can do is frozen chicken breasts into the crock pot to cook.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on May 9, 2013
  3. I have a friend from high school who is allergic to nuts and SOY. I believe she may have introduced meat back into her diet, but I know she has some pretty awesome allergies and was a vegetarian the last I actually saw her mention food.

    There HAS to be something out there.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Oh there totally is…it’s just way more complicated. Heh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on May 9, 2013
  4. I hate chicken but I love bacon so I just limit the amount of meat I eat. Funny, how often I did Atkins, with my massive dislike of chicken, etc. no wonder I hated that diet so much!

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    ali replied on

    Heh. I don’t eat bacon so I don’t know what I’m missing.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loukia on May 9, 2013
  5. I was a vegetarian for 10 yrs then I was “with child” and started eating hot dogs in a movie theater.

    Chicken seems to be a more foul (haha, i crack my shit up) than any beef these days. As I was cutting two breasts for the evening din-din, Celia exclaimed, “Oh, My, God!!! Those look like our heart!” and then I couldn’t eat the evening meal.

    I think I need my 10 yr old to tell me how disgusting our dinner looks so I won’t actually eat it. Maybe I’ll lose weight in the interim.

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    ali replied on

    I know so many people who became total carnivores while pregnant…funny, that.

    also. WHY IS CHICKEN SO GROSS?

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    Comment by gorillabuns on May 10, 2013
  6. I was vegetarian for nearly 15 years. Raw chicken still disgusts me, so I leave it for someone else to cook! I rarely eat red meat though, still. It just grosses me out. I say you don’t need the label — just eat what you are comfortable eating, and when you want to eat it!

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    Comment by Katie on May 10, 2013
  7. Funny, Noah’s got a beard purely because I requested it. Beards are sexy.

    I’m pretty sure being a vegetarian can be done without nuts or avocados. I’m not huge on nuts, and I kind of over-ate avocados for a little while there, so I’m swearing off them for a while. Can you have chick peas? Soy? Black beans?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen Wilson on May 14, 2013
  8. Your article I’m Pretty Sure I’m A Vegetarian Now | Cheaper Than Therapy write very well, thank you share!

    [Reply]

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