May 14 12

A conversation.

Me: Oh my heavenly days!! All I wanted was to peel a stupid carrot and somehow—I don’t even know how this happened—but I managed to pull off the nail on my middle finger and it hurts like a bitch. OWWWWWWWWW!

Him: Hmm.

Me: This should probably be some sort of torture—ripping fingernails off one by one.

Him: You’d never survive.

Me: I totally wouldn’t. WAIT! I swear that this happened before. On TV. Maybe LOST? Someone had his fingernails ripped off, one at a time. Or maybe someone just threatened to do it? It had to have been LOST, right? Oh wait…I feel like it may have been George Clooney? Yes. It had to have been Clooney. But now I can’t remember a single movie he was in except for that staring at goats travesty and when he was the bad Batman.

Him: {shrugs}

Me: Can you imagine being a WORSE Batman than Michael Keaton?

Him: {shrugs}

Me: Well, now I obviously have to look it up.

Him: Awesome. (Insert sarcasm font.)

Me: Well, it’s inconclusive. I’m going to pretend it was on LOST. But, OHMIGOD. Obviously I could never ever ever be an astronaut.

Him: Was that in your 5-year plan?

Me: Well, I like to keep my options open, you know.

Him: So, being John Glenn was one of those options?

Me: Well, IT WAS. But, listen to this. According to this article…many astronauts actually RIP THEIR OWN FINGERNAILS OFF.

Him: On account of the space crazy?

Me: No! Their gloves are obviously poorly designed and apparently, their fingernails actually get torn off by the gloves and so instead of letting it happen on its own, astronauts preventatively rip off their own before going into space. Astronauts are crazy.

Him: So I don’t have to worry, then?

Me: All I wanted was a stupid carrot, and now ALL OF MY DREAMS ARE CRUSHED.

Him: I don’t know how we’ll move on from this.

Me: I don’t either. Sigh.

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  1. This is quite possibly the best thing EVER.

    It has 100% made my day.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on May 14, 2012
  2. I feel better about my conversations with my husband now. We aren’t the only ones…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kelly on May 14, 2012
  3. I think Sayid was going to do that to Sawyer?

    Also, you could never be an astronaut for so many other reasons, Martell.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on May 14, 2012
  4. Ouch. Sorry. I lost a toe nail once from running. Had to pull a good portion off myself and it was painful, you have my sympathy.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Corey Feldman on May 14, 2012
  5. We always have shit like this happen, and we’re of course immediately rushing to IMDB or whatever because THE INTERNET KNOWS ALL. (Well, kind of.) Now I’m seriously wondering what show this happened on. GAH.

    And preventative fingernail tearing is easily the worst thing I’ve heard all day. THANKS, LADY.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sweetney on May 14, 2012
  6. Very funny! It’s from a George Clooney movie – Syriana.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amy Latkin on May 14, 2012
  7. this is my first visit to your blog and this post is hysterical! i love the interaction between you two – too funny. and so i don’t sound completely insensitive – sorry about your fingernail! ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by carlia on May 14, 2012
  8. My new favorite post! Miss you. I also lost toenails to running. Exceptionally gross!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Charna on May 15, 2012
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