wow, the cost of their school is about equal to my teacher salary (before I was laid off). I can’t even comprehend.

I guess I have to disagree, Linda, with your point that kids deprived of public school have a harder time adjusting in college. I went to jewish day school my entire life…and didn’t have any trouble adjusting to college and don’t really know anyone else who had trouble.

Oh man, Ali. That’s rough. I can’t even imagine. I can’t. $45K? FORTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

I was accosted by a Jewish Day School guy in the supermarket yesterday, amusingly enough. My response was a totally defensive, “WE ARE ALL SET!”

I think public school is great if the parents are involved. I fully plan to send my kids to public school, BUT, I also plan to work with them to make sure they get a supplemental education for anything the schools are missing. For you, that might be religious ed. Hell, Ali, even if you hired a private tutor to sit with your kids for two hours a flipping DAY, it’d still be less than $45K.

As for you, Linda, oh man, you make so many assumptions with your last paragraph, I don’t even know what to say. You should take credit for how self-reliant your kids are, but don’t assume it’s simply because you worked. My mom stayed home, and I had a job from the second I was legally allowed to, I did my own laundry, etc. It was her parenting, not her working status.

Dilemma, for sure.

I went to private Catholic all-girls school, and my husband went to public. Ultimately, there was no difference between our education. My only regret was that my high school wasn’t co-ed. THAT would’ve made going into engineering, where 90% of the student population was male, SO much easier… and less awkward. (I had a very strict and sheltered upbringing.)

BTW, my kids take swim classes at our local Jewish Community Campus, and we love it. Such a warm, loving, welcoming community. And I like that my kids have the opportunity to learn a bit about the Jewish culture.

Is there a fine balance? Like sending your children to the Jewish day school for primary, and then when they go to high school switch them to public? At least that way they have the basis of Hebrew, knowledge of the Jewish faith and lifelong friends (I know most of my friends are from my amazing primary school though we were all separated after).

I also know that there are public high school that are geared towards drama and the arts. I grew up in Ottawa, Ontario where my sister went to a great Drama high school. Something to consider for your Emily?

That’s true Tia. Most of my family members that went to Catholic High School, when to public elementary school. But that said, I think it must be harder to switch schools at the high school age? Earlier is better? I don’t know. Like I said I was a teacher, so I will always vote for public school no matter who I am talking to.

Wow that’s tough. My son was in Catholic School before we moved him to his multi-sensory, non-denominational school-he has issues. RE once a week just isn’t the same as being in the Catholic School system.

And like you, we have not been on vacation, don’t have any plans to take him to Disney World and don’t drive really great cars because it is crazy expensive (not nearly as crazy expensive as yours but none-the-less crazy expensive).

My hope is that my son will be able to return to Catholic School though I don’t foresee that happening in the immediate future.

All I could think of reading this was OMG I AM HAVING THE SAME CRISIS HERE. Only it’s Catholic school.

Less Hebrew, more fried fish.

Everytime we make our “decision” I question it.

I don’t know what to do, but I want to keep having this conversation with you, because maybe one of us, at some point, will get some insight here.

Love you!

I would like to point out that I paid more my college education. That being said, I can understand wanting the most for your child and feeling that their education is an investment. THAT being said, I* definitely* empathize with wanting to have a little more financial security.

I guess what I’m really saying is that I have nothing helpful to say.

Hi Ali,
I too am a rare commenter, but just wanted to add my thoughts to this discussion.

I went to private school kindergarten through college, but the cost of grade school was about a third of what you’re paying for one child and high school about two thirds. College was about double, but it’s college and that included room and board.

Anyway, I agree with what another commenter said about maybe splitting the kids’ time. If I was their parent, I would like the idea of maybe pulling them out in 5th grade when they’ve got down what you want them to know which it sounds like they do when Emily and Josh speak Hebrew fluently.

They could start middle school off in a public school setting when they’re still young enough to make new friends and what not.

Either way, $15,000 is absolutely absurd for one child that young.

There’s my two cents, best of luck in your decision making process.

I completely get where you’re coming from. I went to Day School until Grade 8. All three of my kids went through till Grade 1, but we just couldn’t swing Day School, and it broke my heart, and still does. Its an excellent education and creates a strong connection to their heritage. I have opinions on whether there should be subsidies for all religions not just one, so that all kids have the opportunity to attend. (That was politically correct, no?). As well, my kids have never been to Disney and we lack in disposable income. We spend on sleep over camp which I’d 1/2 of private school, yet still exorbitant.

You definitely have a dilemma on your hands. I do teach in the public sector north of Toronto. I have worked with people who either teach at some sort of private schools or had children who went to private schools. Your points about heritage are quite true and valuable. I also agree that your children will transition from high school to college/university with relative ease because the settings are very similar. And…I’m betting that at your children’s school they probably have smaller class sizes or at the very least they are smaller than the provincial average. Damn…I’m not really helping my job, am I?! 🙂 The benefits of a public education…an understanding and experiencing of very diverse backgrounds (most of the kids I teach could never afford a private school…they can barely afford breakfast/lunch. A school with a supportive community can be an amazing place to learn.
You mention all the things you can’t afford to do…would your children’s life me made better if they got to do the activities you mention?
In the end it’s what’s best for your children (and you…you are funding this after all).
Good luck with your decision.

Ali – that’s a heck of a lot of money. My experience: I went to public school my whole life. I grew up in a lower middle class/immigrant/working class suburb west of Toronto. It never hurt me at all – I have a Masters degree, finished 3rd in the Toronto region at the end of high school and got a scholarship to U of T. Of course, the culture/religion thing did not play a role in my education – but I never felt deprived. In Australia, private schools are subsidised by the government so an equivalent school to your kids’ one would be about half that price. Having said that, my boys went to Catholic private school for 3 years (we’re not Catholic though) and the quality of education in relation to the 3 R’s was awful and we paid a lot of $$$ for that. We pulled them out and they now go to the local public school which is brilliant and Miranda has started her formal education there as well. Why is it brilliant? Because the parents pitch in and contribute on a regular basis. We could now easily afford to privately educate all of our kids through the end of high school but choose not to. I want them to have a varied exposure to different cultures, religions and socio economic deomographics. Miranda will be going to a private girls’ school in Grade 5 – only becuase it has a specialised ballet and music program. Yes, we do pay for extra’s outside to compensate i.e. tennis, piano, ballet, swimming but it’s worth it in the end for us. Just my 2 cents – good luck!!! P.S. Where is Charna moving to in Australia?

Ali .. I can sympathize with your dilemna, it’s a tough call especially with 3 children. I read through the comments and actually want to re-iterate what the other Sarah wrote. I think that if you are tapped and are not really able to travel at all with your kids while they are young that would be too bad. I also remember all of our important trips as children and how much they taught me and how they brought me closer to my family and culture. I guess there are others ways besides Jewish day school to feed your children with the Jewish culture and upbringing that can allow you to budget vacation etc. I think it’s admirable of you that you are sacrificing things to put your kids into a school that you value and that you feel is best for them but it’s good to look into alternatives too. You may be surprised that you can have what you want for them AND what you need for youself! Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I’m re-reading again some of these responses. I’m kindof of interested in what people have to say as I’ll be in the same dilemna but for highschool having the choice to send my son to french school (private) or english public. But Ali, your point is not just that it is private school it’s that it’s jewish day school, right? So .. it’s not public vs. private it’s really because of the benefit of getting a ‘jewish’ cultured education. I think some of the responses are weighing public vs. private but if I understand what you are saying it’s not just those two choices, you are in the private school ‘because’ of what is offers your children for the jewish culture. In my area there are 2 highschools to choose from that are english, and public. And one to choose from that is french .. but private. So, in order for me to continue my son in french education in highschool I would need to pay for it in private school. Are there public jewish schools that your kids can even go to in T.O?

There’s a lot that isn’t mentioned. Someone mentioned that they LIVE on that much money. The cost of living in the Greater Toronto Area is very high, and tuition is no different.

As someone who also sends her kids to Jewish Day School in Toronto (albeit a different school) I would say that there is a lot more to it. There’s the question of Jewish education or not Jewish education, as you said. I am a huge proponent (and a product of) the public school system. I chose to send my children to day school for a variety of reasons – nurturing, the ability to ask extra things of the teachers and know that they will comply (I can’t ask that of public school teachers!), a secure environment, and a completely different “feel” to school.

I was also a teacher in the day school system for a long time, and I also know that the teachers are accustomed to different expectations.

It’s a really hard choice. We are taking it year by year, and will probably move to public or alternate schools for high school.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong decision in general, but hopefully there is a “better” decision for your family that you can feel good about choosing. And by better I mean right for you, not different from what you have now.
I think either way, your kids will be great, but that is because of the support and value of education you and your husband give them. I can’t speak to a religious education as I went to a public non-religious school, but I do know that value in education is a personal thing. Some parents value high college entrance rates and low drop out rates, some value diversity of courses available, and there are many other things to consider. You provide so much for your children, and I only hope to be able to provide as much for mine (and I am not speaking financially, but supportively). I hope you feel at peace with whatever decision you make.

@Linda I have to disagree. I went to private school from pre-school through HS. I had no problem in college. I went to a major university even.

My son is about to start Kindergarten and I have been struggling with whether to send him to a private school or not. Like you, we can afford it (barely), but it’s a trade off.

I’d like him to go to Hebrew school too, but that may be an after school program (similar to what I did growing up in Boston).