This is my daughter Emily.

She is almost twelve years old which kind of makes me want to cry every time I think about it because in my head she’s still my wee baby, but in reality I know that she may be wee, but she’s no baby. She’s an individual to say the least, she always has been. And she wears leggings as pants, which IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

But this almost twelve year old is about to become a lady, at least according to, well, Judaism.

Bat Mitzvah. Two months from tomorrow.

Hold me.

My sister is the most loveliest of sisters and an equally lovely aunt and offered to purchase Emily’s Bat Mitzvah dress. But, she didn’t just want to throw us a check, she wanted to take Emily to department stores and bridal stores and all over the city of Atlanta and she wanted to be there when Emily SAID YES TO THE DRESS. Of course she did—because she’s not the mother of a tweenager, and saw this as a fun and jovial bonding experience.

To which I say: PSHAW.

We went to 850 stores at least and tried on many, many, many dresses. So many cute black and white dresses. So many.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Everything got rejected.

Until.

We hit one—FINALLY—that this child didn’t hate, reject, throw against a wall, turn her nose up at, or cry about.

Fabulous.

ONLY. Bridals By Lori in Atlanta is a wonderful place in which to say yes to the dress, except this particular dress would not be available until April of 2013. If you are playing at home, that’s more than a month AFTER her party.

(Emily it not impressed. Clearly.)

My sister left disheartened and Miss Emily was WELL on her way to showing up at her Bat Mitzvah in a t-shirt and leggings as pants.

We searched online. We searched instore.

We whined, we cried, we yelled. Both of us.

But then we remembered another dress that she kind of, maybe, sort of did not hate. “The straps are too thin, the dress is the wrong length, the flower is too small, but it doesn’t make me want to cry.” This dress, again, available in late 2013.

So I did what any mother would have done: I went to J.Crew for some retail therapy.

Lightbulb!

And just like that we have a dress.

Sure, it needs to be shortened. And it needs a new sash. And it needs to be taken in at the chest. And it needs a giant white flower. It’s similar to the Bridals By Lori one, except it’s nicer, more mature. And I had it overnighted and we had it in our hands in less than 24 hours. Take that, bridal stores.

Oh J.Crew. You and your online Crewcuts special occasion collection have saved my soul and my sanity.

I am secretly hoping that when she gets married she elopes.