Because, well, if you are of the female persuasion and have ever been to summer camp, you know. You know about the uterus coalition and how they all get together and get all N’Sync and then sing some shitty song like, BYE BYE BYE to your carefree, periodless days and they don’t even care if you DO have an iud and you don’t have normal cycles. Hot damn, ShaunaGlenn and her non-uterus is so lucky. Anyway, as a person who lives in fear that she’s always pregnant and takes regular pregnancy tests (TRUE STORY: You can buy pregnancy tests in bulk), I guess it was a nice reminder that my womb is a rocky place where no seed is finding purchase. Collective sigh.

Anyway, so that happened.

And then, well, THIS happened:

I got caught in a revolving door with Metalia of Metalia, which kinda, sorta makes me famous, since, you know, she’s a professional rapper now. Also, I got an encore performance…so, take that!

I got my picture taken with Ronald McDonald and then peed myself.

I danced, poorly, and then recreated the African Anteater Ritual.

I got yelled at because I brush my hair. And then I got yelled at for not knowing what a Mason Pearson is…also, for the fact that I could never bring myself to spend that kind of money on a hairbrush. $150?!?? I think if I’m going to spend that kind of money on a hair supply, I’d kind of want it to sing to me and bake me Magnolia cupcakes or something, yanno?

I found my partner-in-barf-phobia crime. And she’s lovely.

I found people who also always think they are pregnant. And also know that you CAN buy pregnancy tests in bulk.

I got all cozy with Gavin Degraw. And then he told me that he wanted me to take him home with me. Honest to blog, he did. Don’t mind if I do! He was delightful and he wears really tight pants. Also, I feel like JenBShaw and I win, because we are the only people on the planet who still watch One Tree Hill.

I FINALLY met and got to spend (not enough) time with some people that I have known forever, like, we’re talking since 2004. Like her. And her. And her. And her.

I cried during the Keynote. I laughed during the keynote. I did some doodling with Miss Casey during the keynote.

I wore many, many dresses.

I wore a bag on my head.

I learned to capture moments…not just giant group shots of people smiling.

I almost got to watch JenBShaw nut-punch two Ray’s Pizza delivery dudes who didn’t speak any English and totally effed us over and really all we wanted to do was feed her little baby fetus some pizza, but instead we had to stand in the Hilton New York’s lobby in our PJs waiting for them to learn an English word other than “CASH?”

I ate at Serendipity with people I love.

I learned a secret Mountie handshake.

I let my world’s collide by bringing my lovely sister – who is NOT Kyra Sedgwick – to hang out with my BlogHer friends. Twice. It was brilliant.

I visited Dylan’s Candy Bar and took pictures of the wallpaper in the bathroom. Because, that’s totally normal, right?

I took one of these. Sometimes being a lemming is a REALLY good thing. I heart this picture.

I got locked out of my room and did what any other person would have done…recreated scenes from The Shining, and was annoyed that there weren’t any extra tricycles just lying around.

I started reading her book, and seriously cannot put it down. She had me at Zofranny and Zooey. Like, FOR REAL. Does she not know that I have things to do today?

I got to spend time with some of my very best friends in the entire world who I am not linking to because my fingers are too damn tired, but also, because you know who you are. I wish they lived closer to me. So I wouldn’t have to cry when they left me. Also, I am really sad that she wasn’t there.

I bought some flats. Obviously. I do this every time I go to NYC, because my tiny pea brain forgets that in New York you do a lot of walking.

I had trouble summing up my BlogHer ’10 experience. I came, I saw, I kicked BlogHer’s ass. I saw some people. I didn’t see some people. Actually, I didn’t see a LOT of people howdidthathappenOMG. I saw some sessions. I didn’t see some sessions. I went to some parties. I didn’t go to some parties. I stayed up late. I didn’t stay up late.

My recap will likely be the worst one out there. I didn’t link enough. I didn’t post enough pictures. I didn’t discuss my feeeeeeeeeeelings. But, I will tell you this. I loved it. I loved every single minute of it. I am so lucky to be virtually and in-real-lifesies connected to such smart, talented, lovely, beautiful, funny, and wonderful people. I am loathe to use the word “blogger” when I describe myself and what I do, because I usually feel like it just makes me look like an asshole to people who don’t understand.

But I am going to say this….

I am so goddamn happy to be a blogger today.