In our minds, we’re all boasty.

Yes! Let’s save ourselves the $3,000 by flying AirTran out of Buffalo.

But in reality, at the end of the day, we look at each other with that face. You know the one. The one that clearly asks the other what in the hell we were thinking—with nothing more than a defeated look and a slight eye roll.

Actually, if I’m being completely honest, in the grand scheme of things of what could actually go wrong, we are really lucky.

The drive to Buffalo was fairly uneventful, save for a few “are we there yet”s, a few “I NEEDA PEE!”s and an excessively long wait at the border because we chose poorly; there’s no Nexus pass line at the Queenston/Lewiston bridge (grrrr.) Also, someone had to pee at the border. (The 33-year-old someone).

It was really once we got to Buffalo that everyone became unglued. I honestly cannot even count the number of times my husband and I accompanied a child to the bathroom. It’s funny, we have one child who shares our fear of public washrooms. Our other two children, however, did not get the germopohobic gene from us. They got the “Cool! A public bathroom! Let’s see just how many I can visit and how many surfaces I can touch with every inch of my body! I love a challenge!” gene.

And, just to add to the fun, the two who love public bathrooms had some strange case of the stomach gnomes yesterday, which required even extra bathroom visits.

Me: “Oh my heavenly days! I can’t find my trusty anti-bacterial hand gel anywhere.”

My loving husband: “Oh, I saw it fall out of your purse at my mom’s.”

Me: “Um, thanks for picking it up for me. Ass.”

Note to self. Do not touch your face. Do not touch your face. DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. Oh my god.

And, well, let’s just say that all of this ended with several people who are in desperate need of showers.

I swear, you travel with children who are no longer in diapers, you think it’s safe to assume that your travels will include less poop.

You would be wrong.

Combine the teenytiny confines of an airplane bathroom, and a child who is choosy about what she allows you to assist her with, and some awesome turbulence…

(NOT MEANT FOR TWO PEOPLE.)

(NOT REALLY EVEN MEANT FOR ONE.)

…and you get…

I seriously cannot even talk about it. At least not until everyone has been hosed down and disinfected.

The funny thing is, we will do this again, I’m sure. Many time. I mean, it’s $3,000.

Only next time, I will be traveling with no less than eight anti-bacterial hand gels.

And no child of mine is ever allowed to touch his or her face again.

And no one is eating OR drinking for a week before the trip.

I am not taking any chances.