almost exactly a year ago, almost exactly to the day, I wrote about the husband going in for a second hockey-related hand surgery. three years ago, he had the hook of the hamate removed on his left hand. and then last year he had the hook of the hamate removed on his right hand.
of course, I got all cocky on all of you and said this:
the good news, of course, is he wonâ€™t have any hook of hamates left to break. heâ€™ll have to come up with an entirely new hockey injury!
which, of course, you HAD to know at that point. Hell, *I* should have known.
It turns out that the best hand surgeon in Toronto left a piece of bone inside the husband. a bone that he went in to have removed yesterday. best my sweet ass. So, now he has become the only person EVER to have hook of hamate surgery THRICE.
the surgery went well. (praise be the socialized medicine in canada)
this surgery has become so old hat for us that I actually left for work yesterday and totally forgot. and then, of course, felt like a colossal ass when I received a text message that said this: THANKS FOR WISHING ME GOOD LUCK.
crap, now there’s no way he’s going to be sharing those percocets.
you HAVE to see my husband on percs. It’s wild. He will be dead asleep in bed and then bolt upright in bed and say something like “oh my god! we need to leave! we need to get out of this place. rightnowlet’sgothehouseisburning. it’s on FIRE!” and then fall back asleep. It’s all very Reagan MacNeil meets Roawn Atkinson in Rat Race.
but, truth be told, sleeping beside my husband is kind of always like this.
I’m. so. scared.
early in our marriage he told me several stories about what he had done in his sleep….talked to shavers thinking they were CB radios, drank OIL when he thought it was juice, punched holes in his ceiling. (yes. actual holes. my god. and of course he told me these things AFTER we were legally bound to each other. smooth)
but, of course, that didn’t prepare me for the night I woke up to find him on all fours, hovering ON TOP of me, trying to calm ME down and tell me that I was going to be fine, I just needed some juice or maybe a candy. Because, apparently, my blood sugar was low. WHA? and then likethat he turned over and went back to sleep. and i spent the entire night AWAKE. i spent the entire RESTOFMYLIFE awake.