I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s this small (2,500 people ZOMG) little conference going on this weekend in New York. You have have seen one or two (thousand) tweets about it. You may have read five (million) posts about what to pack or what to wear or what to expect or, you know, basically how not to be a douche this weekend. I figured that instead of writing a post about BlogHer, I’d write a post about MYSELF, since, you know, I’m excellent at doing that. But also, because there’s a good chance that I may meet you for the first time, and you know, it may be helpful to have

The five-minute guide to Alimartell:

If I could, I would dress like Betty Draper all the livelong day; I’d wear shirtdresses and cardigans and pearls.

I have just started season 4 of Dexter, so please don’t spoil it for me.

I have an exciting new job over at urbanmoms.ca and I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

My biggest pet peeve is when my children chew in my ear. Or maybe when someone’s pants are just a wee bit too short.

Fargo, Sleepers, The Godfather II, Back to the Future, and Almost Famous pretty much round out my top five movies.

I can still fit into the dress I wore to my Bat Mitzvah. And sometimes I wear it, just for fun.

My glasses are cooler than yours.

I don’t like boats. Or ferries. Or cruiseships. Or anything that moves on a body of water. If you force me to get on one, you better have some xanax along with your flip camera.

The word SWELLS gives me the hebbie jeebies.

I don’t drink enough water.

I am oddly attracted to Sean Penn. And Zac Efron.

There is little in life that scares me more than clowns. or vomiting. or Benjamin Linus.

The literal video edition of Total Eclipse of the Heart is my absolute favorite thing on the internet ever.

My first crush was on Donny Osmond. I still occasionally have inappropriate dreams about him.

I am shorter than you think.

There is no way you can dance worse than I do. BUT, I can do the entire Thriller dance.

I have zero alcohol tolerance, which is why I will probably be giving you my drink tickets.

History is like porn to me, and I watch the History Channel more than the average person probably should.

Good Times is one of my most favorite shows to watch.

These are my top fictional five characters.

I eat cereal for dinner. A lot.

I add random yiddish words into my lexicon. A lot.

This is what I look like. (and yes, I WILL be wearing this dress this weekend)