A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How that civic almost made me smile lose my damn mind.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make that stick shift dance effing work.
And, maybe, it’d possibly work for a while.
But yesterday the engine bit it
With every inch I tried to drive it
Bad news in the old car;
It wouldn’t take us very far.
I canâ€™t remember if I weeped
When Isabella and I walked down the street,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the civic died.
So bye-bye, stupid piece of shit car.
Drove you for ten years too long,
With those stupid non-automatic windows.
And I walked home in the heat and my heels.
Singinâ€™, “thisâ€™ll be the day that you die.
“thisâ€™ll be the day that you die.”
Oh, 2000 silver Honda Civic. With your busted locks and your stupid-ass windows that don’t open without a massive arm workout. I will not miss you, that’s the truth. I know your owner wants to get all sentimental all…oh, I had it before I had my babies. But, really, truth be told, I will not miss you. I will not miss my left foot falling asleep in stop-and-go traffic because I couldn’t rest my heel. I will not miss the slipping and sliding we did in the winter. I will not miss it.
I just wish you Â hadn’t decided toÂ EXPLODE several miles from home while I had Isabella in the car and it was 95 degrees outside and there were weather advisories not to go outside unless you absolutely had to. AND YET, there I was, because I ad no cell phone, I found myself carrying my kindergartner down the street in my jeans and my 2 1/2 inch heels. I always knew you hated me, Civic. You would taunt me with your strange noises and whistles. You didn’t even have a cd player, dammit. What kind of car only has a radio? I mean, honestly.
I would rather drive my MINIVAN than drive you. And I’d rather spend a day at the dentist than drive my minivan…so what does that tell you, hmmm Civic?
So, there are two lessons learned here.
Lesson #1: When your husband says, “hon, I just need you to drive my car even though it’s making really loud noises and when you downshift into first or second gear you are going to have some, erm, issues, but don’t worry, I’ll take it in to get looked at…just after you drive it, mmmkay?” YOU JUST SAY NO.
Lesson #2: Always keep some running shoes in the car, because he’s going to force you to drive it anyway.