Hello everyone!  This isn’t Ali.  This is Heather from Queen of Shake-Shake.  WAIT!  Have pity and don’t click away.  

See, Ali asked me to guest post on her blog while she is gone to the Conference That Shall Not Be Named.  I don’t know if you’ve seen Ali in a bikini or not, but I have and, damn, who can say no to her hot lusciousness?  

So here I am.

Speaking of The Conference That Shall Not Be Named – the one that causes me to turn into a gianormous green monster?  The conference so popular with female bloggers that it’s sold out? The parties start tonight, as if you other Incredible Sulks who are also not going haven’t heard all over the blogiverse.

Maybe you are like me and your head explodes each time you read about other people going, even if you love them to pieces and don’t really resent that they are going.  It’s just that you are not going and not attending parties, not meeting people, not getting swag bags with $100 vibrators in them and no drink tickets for you.  And that makes your head explode in envy.

Well my fellow pity-party-goers, I have found a cure for the Incredible Sulk. You only have to Reach Out.

What?  You aren’t subscribed to BlogHer’s conference announcements because you fear permanent brain damage from repetitive head explosions?  Me too.

If it weren’t for BlondeMom asking me if I’m going to the BlogHer thang in Nashville, I would have continued to live under a rock of sulky ignorance, possibly with a football helmet on my head to contain the mess of numerous cranial explosions. 

It turns out BlogHer is doing six mini-conferences in October and four out of the six are in the South.  When I found out about these conferences, I went from this…

 

to this.

See how I’m almost completely back to normal?  I have only a tinge of green envy left, but other than that, I pretty much look normal.  I’m sure this almost complete return to normalcy is because I’m not going to one BlogHer conference, but two.  That’s right, two!  I’ll be attending the conferences in Atlanta and New Orleans.  

On top of that, Megan from Velveteen Mind and I are traveling together to Atlanta. So now all of you out there who think the illustrious, awesome Megan only farts sunshine and daisies can be jealous of me.

Ha!

Shhhhh, I’ll be in a car with her for 10 hours round trip.  I just bet I’ll be able to verify if her farts do indeed smell like sunshine and daisies.  Because who can go 10 hours without farting?  Not me!  At least not without my ass exploding, and since I just got my head to stop exploding, I don’t want to start with the other end.

And now that I just wrote that mental thought out loud, I bet you are ALL SO JEALOUS of Megan riding with me. 

Double ha!

While I still hate missing the big party this weekend in SanFran, these mini-conferences do make up for it just a bit.  In fact, this could be a really great thing!

These small conferences will be like dipping a toe into the BlogHer pool.  I’ll learn the ropes of BlogHer conferences on a smaller scale so that when I go to the big summer conference next year (and I am going, even if I have to sell photos of Ali in a bikini to inappropriate magazines), I will be super cool!  I’ll know exactly what to wear, how to style my hair, what shoes to take, and the best practical jokes to pull.  

And I have more time to lose weight.

Triple ha!

I can see the headlines now…

The bloggers formerly known as The Incredible Sulks take Reach Out by storm!

(This is where you former Incredible Sulks like me stand up and say you are going too.)