Well, it seems that there is something called a swollen battery for your iphone which sounds slightly dirty but also slightly like something you don’t want to happen to your phone and I know this because it is most definitely currently happening to my phone battery and from the way the guy at the apple store explained it to me, my battery basically resembles an expanding Violet Beauregarde and at some point in the near future, there will be an inevitable blueberry-like explosion.

From the original movie, of course. Violet you’re turning violet, Violet!

This feels annoying and expensive, my favorite.

Luckily, though, this ticking-time bomb battery of mine is not the most swollen thing in our household. Oh no, my poor son gets to wear that badge of honor in the form of a giant white cast, that makes his tiny broken thumb look like a permanent Facebook like.

Only the complete irony here is that there’s almost nothing to like about this situation because my one-handed wonder, after spending 7 hours in the ER on Friday, was hit with everything all at once — not being able to play baseball this season, not being able to play in his league’s all-star game (my poor not-hockey-playing Canadian son waits all year to play baseball…and BAM! a hit with a soccer ball means no baseball), not being able to eat his special Flintstone Father’s Day ribs, and the worst, not being able to go with his grade to their year-end trip to Canada’s Wonderland.

He’s the saddest boy in all the land.

I made him homemade macaroni and cheese and introduced him to season one of The Wonder Years.

Thumbs up….See? He seems to love it.