What should happen when Ali goes into a bakery:
“I will have two challahs please. And a cake. Thank you very much. Have a good weekend.”
What actually happens when Ali goes into a bakery:
“I will have two challahs please. Well, make that three. They look really good. And I’ll have an apple crumble cake and a dozen chocolate chip cookies the size of my head and that lovely chocolate kokosh and some sprinkle cookies and a dozen bagels and 6 cupcakes.”
The funniest part about all of this is that I bring about $75 worth of baked goods into my house to feed my family for one weekend and when my mother says to me
Ali, you sure have always had a tremendous sweet tooth
My very first response is to get defensive and shoot back with a giant I so do not have a sweet tooth! I love cheese! and furthermore, you say you don’t like sweet things because you drink your coffee black but what about all of those cafe mochas you buy at Starbucks. Those are way too sweet for me. See? I can’t even drink those, so, therefore, I do not have a sweet tooth. Also, I don’t even eat candy…unless you count Tic Tacs and Swedish Fish and I really don’t even eat chocolate bars, like, ever. SO THERE.Â
Why do I do this?
It’s exactly like when you are totally dead asleep in bed and the phone rings at 8:30am on a sunday and you pick up the phone and the person calling you immediately asks if she woke you and your answer is always
NO! I was awake!
But, good lord, you are fooling absolutely no one. Everyone knows you were sleeping because of the frog-sound in your voice when you say heeeeelllllo?
It’s the same thing here.
Jesus, I love me some sweets. I really shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it.
What I should be ashamed to admit, however, is what I buy when I am at the bakery.
There’s a lesson to be learned here. I should never, ever be allowed to step foot in a bakery with a wallet.
But today I will happily sit on my porch and drink my coffee and eat a cookie the size of my head and a piece of apple cake. And probably a cupcake too.
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