Can we talk about Isabella’s irrational fear of spiders for a moment?

Irrational fears are not new for Isabella. She was once afraid of Humpty Dumpty. And then there was the whole Burning Bush situation. And there was the time that her closet was talking to her. And, you know, the scary painting in her room.

And now it’s spiders. She has actually never ever seen a spider in our house. No, she is scared of MYTHICAL SPIDERS. She is scared that if she goes to sleep there could be a spider. No. I am not making this up.

At first I thought it was a stall tactic. You know..I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, read me one more book, I need to pee, I need a hoodie, I just need to tell you one more thing, and, obviously, Hells Bells There Might Be Spiders Oh My Heavenly Days I Can’t Possibly Go To Bed Mommy!!!! So, every night – because I am a giant pushover and because I actually enjoy my evenings and don’t really feel like missing American Idol because I’m spending my entire night dealing with a child who won’t sleep for fear of being attacked by a spider – I do the spider inspection.

(Let the record show that my child is not scared of any other creepy crawly critters. Oh no. She loves bugs of all kind and even tries to keep caterpillars in plastic cups, unsuccessfully, all summer long.)

I search every inch of her room. The walls. The floor. Under the bed. Inside the closet. We spray the “mythical spiders be gone” mythical spray. We declare her room officially mythical spider free.

And yet.

I still find her in her spider-fighting Spiderman jammies sleeping beside me when my alarm starts singing “Oh, Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in” each morning. Or she is watching Arthur in French while talking to her Lexi baby doll and keeps hitting me in the face with her unicorn pillow pet. But either way, she is in my bed and not in her own, where she belongs.

I am thisclose to hitting my breaking point, I thought, as I gathered up all her gear to put back on her bed. And, obviously, that was when I SAW IT.

Oh yes I did.

**

Fantastic.

(**not the actual spider. Enlarged for proper emphasis.)