1. when someone gives your three-year-old some paint, do not allow said three-year-old to disappear from sight…because you will be spending the better half of your afternoon on the floor scrubbing the red paint off the bedroom carpet.
2. when you visit the coca cola museum with your children…do NOT allow them to taste every.single.one of the 64 available flavors unless you really WANT to have total loons running around your local Target. (also? the joker-sized cup-mark on their faces? will take at least three days to disappear…so don’t go and schedule family pictures or anything)
3. when you take two cars to go see a movie (Marley and Me. holyhell…the very WORST movie every made. seriously. it was boring as hell until the last 25 minutes and then it was sobby as hell. my sister and i cried and sniffled our way through the entire end. my stepmom actually had to remove herself from the theater. she couldn’t physically sit and watch. torture) make sureÂ that both carsÂ are going to the same theater. also? don’t laugh when your brother and sister and law (love you guys, mwah!) decide NOT to see Slumdog Millionaire with you and opt instead for Seven Pounds. don’t laugh or give them grief or any i-told-you-sos. it’s just not classy. but make sure to tell them how amazing Slumdog Millionaire was.
even though the main character looks EXACTLY like your little brother. even though your little brother is NOT Indian. and that makes you and your sister laugh like hyenas during the movie.
4. do not, under any circumstances, leave your father alone with any of the kids’ baby dolls when he’s had more than one frozen margarita.
5. do NOT be afraid to eat birthday cake with chopsticks.
happy new year everyone!
i have very fancy plans of staying and in watching my daughters and nieces put on a fashion show while eating italian food and then playing rock band and scattergories. because NEW YEARS EVE IS TOTALLY OVERRATED. what is not, however, is these glasses: