HER to Emily: I would totally have ants in my pants. BUT I’M NOT WEARING ANY.

HER to no one in particular, singing: Keep on rockin’ in the free….ZER!

HER to me: Mama, your stomach looks like you have a baby inside…even though you don’t. That’s so funny.

HER to me: Did you know that RICH means you have lots of money. Like PIRATES!!

HER to no one in particular, to the tune of The Final Countdown: It’s the Care Bears Countdown…doo doo doo do. doo doo doo do do.

HER to Josh: Wouldn’t it be cool if we lived in Encino?

HER to no one in particular, singing: Why does love always feel like a….soccer field.

THIS KID, MY GOD. She never wears pants, she creates her own unique mash-ups, and she loves pirates.

She kills me. Loudly. With her song.

*OH means overheard. Don’t be embarrassed if you didn’t know this. I only just found out. Apparently, I’m kind of a, well, twat when it comes to twitterlingo. I won’t tell you how long it took me to figure out what FTW meant.

If you want to see more of me – and, I mean, obviously, you do – you can read my latest entertainment news over at Juice, my latest outfit over at The Urban Closet, my latest advice over at So You Want It, and my latest blathering over at Aiming Low, where I am talking about my love for Betty Draper and Emma Pillsbury.

ALSO…have you entered my contest yet? You can win a $200 VISA GIFT CARD! Tomorrow is the last day!