of course all of Atlanta is flooded and we can’t get out until tomorrow morning. on a 5:50am flight. which means that I will be waking my NOT MORNING PEOPLE children up at 3:30 in the morning.

of course we are rushing back to the city but schools are all canceled tomorrow.

of course the first comments out of my mother’s mouth were about the length of my children’s hair (they are never the right length for her)….

(I ask again…WTF?)

of course I am still sticky from all the honey my children consumed this holiday. yes, there’s even a song about dipping apples into honey and dripping it all over your dress and tights and face and hands and hair…or something.

and don’t even bother asking me when the last time I took a shower was because, honestly, I can’t even remember. which probably means it’s been too long.

of course my stepdad got some horrific case of the stomach flu and has been barfing for 2 days which obviously means only one thing…the barfs will be hitting the Martells soon, probably sometime during our 5:50am flight. Oh, Murphy, why must you mock me so?

of course I ate too much this weekend and am suffering from a rather curious case of bloateous (it IS so a word…) maximus. but, you know, it still doesn’t stop me from shoving three more bakery cookies into my gob. mmm…sprinkles…

of course I missed the last ten minutes of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs because Josh hadtopeerightthatverysecond. It’s okay, though, because he assured me that everyone dies in the end. Seriously, I would give my eye teeth to go somewhere, anywhere without having to visit the nearest bathroom, which, you know, is never located in a convenient location. and it’s always when I’m in line paying at Barnes and Noble or something. which, ps, I recently visited and bought myself a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and seriously, I cannot put it down. which is a little bit funny, because I’m the kind of girl who is always reading more than one book and so, while I’m reading about zombies (see, Becca, I told you that Zombies are the new Vampires), I am also reading the book Sarah’s Key, which is, erm, just about the polar opposite kind of book.

of course my parents’ synagogue didn’t have any sort of children’s programming so when I went downstairs to collect my children to hear the shofar, I discovered the two younger ones helping themselves to tea, complete with an unattended hot water urn, tea bags, splenda, sugar AND honey. awesome. also? hooray for shul’s with health hazards! Seriously, I don’t even know why I even bother trying to enter the sanctuary…I believe it’s been almost a decade since I have been able to successfully step inside.

of course it isn’t ALL bad right now. I mean…you know, this lady drove all the way from Chicago to have a Rosh Hashanah meal with me and my family and our friends and play spit with Emily and do melty beads with Isabella and taste my mom’s award-winning grilled cheese. (seriously…it’s that good) Also, she brought me an actual coffee as a gift and it was one of the best gifts ever because my mom’s religious and in her house on holidays you have to drink INSTANT COFFEE, which kind of makes me want to die a little bit. or at least not drink any and live with the headache.

lies. all lies, I tell you. Instant coffee should be banned.

and I did introduce my mom to Mad Men and totally got her hooked. and I DID squeeze my body into an old suit that was a size 0. and my kids looked ridiculously cute in their knee socks.

and, you know, there are bakery cookies….