I got yelled at in The Palace at Versailles. Twice.

There are over 700 rooms at Versailles. No bathrooms, mind you. But that’s a story for another time. A pretty, um, unhygienic one about how up until not that many years ago Versailles still smelled like poop because, well, there were not bathrooms at Versailles and so poop happened…on the floor and behind curtains. I’m nothing if not a wealth of important information.

But back to the 700 rooms. 700 rooms means many, many doors. And you guys, the doors. They are fancy pants. Intricate designs, golden motifs. And well, in addition to the velvet damask wallpaper that I wanted to swipe, and the paintings of all the men with the sweet, sweet flows,

I was slightly obsessed with the doors. While walking room to room I reached out and touched one, lightly.

“DO NOT TOUCH THE DOORS!” she yelled in French, but I knew exactly what she’d said even though the only French I know is from cereal boxes and signs when you leave the airport.

The second yell, well, somehow was less kind.

We were at the end of the Versailles maze and ready to go and check out the gardens. The gardens, at least from the windows inside, were something we needed to see, and something that would likely add an extra several thousand steps to our day. No joke, they were renting golf carts in the backyard of Versailles — that’s how big it was.

So, in what we thought was an exit out to the gardens, I took a step outside the door and realized I’d made a mistake and was on the wrong side of the gardens. As I stepped back in, I was stopped at the door.

“You cannot come back in here!” She yelled.

“WHAT?”

“Once you’d exited the palace you cannot come back in!” She yelled.

“I was literally just in this room and stepped one foot out by accident. My left foot is still actually in the room.”

“No.” Yes, more yelling.

“I can show you the last page I listened to on my English self-guided tour. It’s the exact room I am in right now. I’m not trying to break in to Versailles.”

“NO.”

“You aren’t serious. I just want to see the gardens.”

“You will have to go back to the entrance.”

“Back to the entrance? And walk through the entire tour again?”

“Yes.”

“I cannot just step back in to where half my body is already standing and continue out the other door to the gardens? I have been here for three hours. You’re saying I have to walk through the entire palace….a second time?”

“Yes. You cannot come back in here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“BACK TO THE BEGINNING.”

So that’s how I visited the Palace at Versailles. Twice in one day.

But think of all the steps.