March 27 12

Sometimes I wonder about delivery.

Not, say Chinese food delivery because of that I do not need to wonder.

Mmmmmmm.

Delivery, as in, the way you intent for something to come across versus the way it actually comes across in real life.

Take, for example, a recent conversation.

Me: You know I’m really sick when I leave the house without any makeup on!

Her: You know what, Ali? Nobody even cares.

(I’m not the only one with a WTF face…)

So. One could look at this the way I did, which was OHMYGOD, ouch. That’s a pretty cold-hearted thing to say. But, stepping back out of my superemotional skin for a minute, one could look at it another way, the way it was probably intended. What she probably meant here was that it doesn’t matter if I wore makeup or didn’t wear makeup, I am beautiful (ARE YOU SINGING CHRISTINA RIGHT NOW?) either way, so I probably shouldn’t stress about the fact that I have a raging case of strep throat and am dragging my sorry behind out of the house to buy a much-needed coffee maker that isn’t a Keurig.

Probably.

But still, in the moment when the words came tumbling out, I wished that she could collect them all up and shove them back down from whence they came without stopping to worry about whether or not whence is an actual word.

I think it is. 

I have been there before. Hoo boy. So many times. I have walked away from conversations bewildered. “Did I REALLY just say that?” But, of course, it’s too late to go back an clarify what I really meant. I can’t just flash my Inigo Montoya-esque “I do not think it means what you think it means.” I have wanted to chase down all my words and make them disappear and shout from the rooftops that I really am actually a very nice person and, well, I’m much better online, where I am both funnier and in possession of that wonderful thing we call time—to formulate thoughts and ideas. The beauty of writing online is that I actually have in my possession a wonderful thing called the delete key that I use often. I look at a sentence or tweet or facebook status and I’m able to wonder aloud, “Will this offend anyone?” and I have the ability to edit, edit, edit.

Sometimes I’m sloppy and I, you know, hurt the feelings of famous authors.

Sometimes when Josh says, “Hey…why did Isabella get a bigger piece of cake?” I answer with a sarcastic “Because I love her more” only it was much more sarcastic and much funnier in my head.

Sometimes I have to blush while removing my foot from my mouth.

So I’m working it. Delivery. Intention vs. execution.

I wish I could be more like my kid and just walk around and say things like,

“I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WHIPPED CREAM.”

Because her intention? She loves me a heck of a lot.

And her execution? She loves me MORE than a heck of a lot. Dude…more than whipped cream? A mother couldn’t really ask for anything better from a first grader.

I’m going to practice being more like my little girl.

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  1. When did Isabella get her hair cut? It’s so cute!

    I know that is not the point of this post, Martell. But I have no filter and say things like “if I’m meeting the mayor, we’re not going to be talking about a marketing campaign” whilst waggling my eyebrows.

    So I am worse. I have grown so used to the taste of my foot in my mouth.

    Comment by Kristabella on March 27, 2012
  2. Isn’t it THE CUTEST?

    Comment by alimartell on March 27, 2012
  3. I love reading this today, because just yesterday after leaving a comment here and you replying asking if I was being sarcastic, I was all worried, thinking I came across as a total jerk, when I was actually being serious and trying to be funny. Its so hard to convey the voice I want to, when I don’t know you (or another writer) in person.
    So, I know how you feel. Thats what I am trying to say.

    Comment by Amy on March 28, 2012
  4. I ALWAYS worry with comments when I leave them…if the person will “get” it, yanno?
    That’s why I try to leave a lot of 🙂 or 😉 or hee or heh so the person knows. Ha!

    Comment by alimartell on March 28, 2012
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