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The Snark

22 Nov

It’s  pre-planned community. It’s rather lovely, actually. I mean, even if it’s suburban. Well, as suburban as a Toronto suburb could be, which is to say not really all that suburban at all because if I live in suburbs, I’d really like to have some land and maybe not have to pay $800,000 to live in it. But if you live further south of me, you’d realize just how made of ticky-tacky my community is. There are strategically placed parks and schools and and community centers and synagogues and mosques and sushi restaurants and bagel places and a Starbucks.

Yesterday I left my house to pick Isabella up from a birthday party. I plugged the unknown-to-me address into my GPS and allowed her and her crappy Australian accent to lead the way. But, you guys, MY GPS? I mean…I don’t even have the words.

So, naturally, I drew you a map to describe these events.

So, instead of logically having me pull out of my driveway, make a left, and then make a left three blocks down, it took me in a giant loop that involved a mothereffing TOLL ROAD. Yes, that’s right. I paid money to drive in a giant circle.

Dumbass Australian. I know she sitting there, mocking me. I mean, it least it she sounded all hot and Irish like Jonathan Rhys Meyers I could cut her a little slack, but, sadly, I think the Aussie is getting tossed to the curb today. Put a shrimp on the barbie. Or something.

12 Comments

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Comments

  1. Jessica says

    November 22, 2010 at 9:52 am

    That is pretty mental. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a toll road. Seriously. The only reason I can think of for the Australian’s bizarre, seemingly mocking directions, is maybe Big Street #1 didn’t exist at the time they made the GPS? I know that my sister has had her weird German GPS direct her to turn on roads that *no longer exist*… and then yell at her when she didn’t.

    Reply
  2. christopher says

    November 22, 2010 at 10:04 am

    I feel some buckpassing is at work here Mrs. Martell. If your GPS owns you then…

    nudge wink

    Reply
  3. Grumble Girl says

    November 22, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Hahahahahahahahahaaaaa!! Fail.

    Reply
  4. Avitable says

    November 22, 2010 at 10:37 am

    You may have turned on the “Most ridiculous route” option.

    And yay! Subscribe to comments!

    Reply
  5. ali says

    November 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

    I did it just for you. Even if my site is, um, clunky.
    heh.

    Reply
  6. Avitable says

    November 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Sigh. Sorry!!! (and thank you!)

    Reply
  7. Angela says

    November 22, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Meh, my GPS is equally ridiculous. I’ve stopped using it, except in situations where I find myself totally lost. Must be some sort of GPS conspiracy.

    Reply
  8. Nenette says

    November 22, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Apparently, there are some things that an “exotic” accent can’t make better.
    Good grief, that’s insane!

    Reply
  9. Kerri Anne says

    November 22, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    I love that map.

    So comforting to know GPS understands how you like to add minutes (and payments!) to your already hectic schedule.

    Also, what the eff is a toll road? Down with toll roads!

    Reply
  10. ali says

    November 22, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    WAIT. What? You don’t have toll roads?

    Reply
  11. Karen Sugarpants says

    November 23, 2010 at 1:58 am

    Hahahaha…that Australian chick was on ABC News tonight and her name is Karen!

    Reply
  12. sam {temptingmama} says

    November 24, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    HAHAHAHA remember Gretchen? She told us to U-turn in the middle of a 4-lane road. That was awesome!

    GPS is so much fun.

    Reply

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I am a writer, a mama, a wife, a lion tamer, a diet coke quitter, a juggler, a getter-of-drinks. Read More…

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