the second best thing about having a mirena iud is that i don’t get my period. ever. (before you go and get all in my face telling me that i’m providing too much information, just be thankful i’m not talking about orgasmic childbirth. aha. although, i’m not one to judge…) the very best thing, though, is that i wake up one morning of each month a complete and total hormonal snappy weepy bitch (well, more bitchy than normal) this would be what the layperson would call “PMS”…but, alas, with great mirena comes a very great problem…who the fuck knows where you are in your cycle…so it’s like a little gift when it shows up, unannounced. it’s like a game the husband and i play.

yesterday we hit the jackpot.

when the husband called me at work to tell me that Air Tran has decided to push our flight back from the afternoon until 7:20pm (douches!) on Christmas Eve, forcing us to miss my Stepmom’s annual awesome Christmas Eve party complete with a couple of these guys…

I CRIED.

like, real, actual tears. at my desk. at work.

(and my poor husband now has his blackberry attached to his ear 24-7 trying to get us on an earlier flight. damn, pms. GO AWAY!)

and when i got in the car and heard Josh Groban’s “What Child is This?” (my very favorite Christmas song. EVER in the history of christmas songs. although i highly recommend the old school songs AND the Sufjan Stevens Christmas album. but…i have a special place in my heart for that Josh Groban…even since he took Ally McBeal to his prom. or something. didn’t he? did i just make that up?) on the Buffalo Christmas station, i cried again.

and when i got home, i stuffed some 3/4 of a tube of cookie dough into my mouth. mmm…and gained back all five pounds i lost when i had the plague last week. awesome.

i didn’t smile again, actually, until later in the evening…when i finished the book i was reading..

(which was sent to me by my lovely friends at Random House Canada. i REALLY enjoyed this book. i have a soft spot for books about sisters…and this one hit a little close to home. i mean, minus the whole sister sleeping with the other sister’s husband thing…but one sister lives in NYC and is fashionable and lives in a building with a doorman and no kids and one lives in Canada with her husband and kids and yoga pants. ha. and if you read it, you will understand why this story below is funny. and ironic, and not in the Alannis Morissette sucky-but-totally-not-ironic sort of way)

…and the husband and i were watching Restaurant Makeover and an eHarmony commercial came on and they were singing their praises about making the PERFECT matches and we got to wondering what kind of match they would make for me. would it be anything like my husband at all?

so, my husband and i may or may not have signed me up for eHarmony last night.

and we may or may not have quit 47% of the way through the questioning process because there are only so many questions i can answer about myself on a 1-7 scale, one being not at all and 7 being “oh yes! take me! i’m hot! i’m sexy! i’m nice! i’m giving! i’m caring! i’m liberal!”

it’s a good thing one of the questions wasn’t “I am impatient” because i would have had to click 7 for that one…or “i’m wasting your time because i am married to someone who might not be my perfect match according to your site, but he’s kind of awesome and does things like take the kids out for breakfast on sunday morning without telling me to let me sleep in and then brings me home a donut and a coffee. just because. and i have friends who are single and are looking to find someone who will do things like that just for them and so i’m going to stop answering these questions and do something more productive with my time. like catch up on season 2 of Californication and pack my family up for my trip” because i would have clicked 7 for that as well.

so long, eHarmony. and thanks for all the fish. or at least the laugh. i kinda needed it, in my fra-gee-lay state yesterday.