I am trying to feel thankful that this year a whole half of my family remembered my birthday, unlike last year when everyone fucking forgot and I got to channel my inner Samantha Baker and I am thankful that I will get to have a repeat birthday celebration at Moxie’s tonight…only with less Mexican Bulldog because I’m all SERC’ed up to keep me from fainting in public and wouldn’t you know…margarita + beer + anti-dizzy meds don’t mix. BOO!

I am cleaning up from Isabella’s first-ever sleepover + pancake breakfast with her friend miss Kayla boo. the sleeping went well, the syrup went, well, everywhere.

I am missing my Mcd’s family.

It might take me all week to recap how awesome this third trip was. From our new cameraman Shawn making the biggest dent on the blooper reel by backing into a wall in the London Ronald McDonald House, to being a total tourist at Nigara Falls and having to take a TAXI to get back up to the restuarant, to the 1200 watt hairdryers, to the chicken (THE CHICKEN!!) facility, to missing the festivities at the casino while I was closing up the KEG with Miss MamaTulip (LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE), to Corrine enjoying her traitorous Iced Capp, to Laura using the phone on the bus floor, to Shawn (again…with the bloopers) telling the dude at the border that we were SUBJECT MOMS, to the scary squirrels at dinner, to the UGLYHOT talk. or the HOTUGLY talk. haven’t decided which one works better.

You guys are already familiar with my uglyhots/hotuglys…like Liam Neeson and Ed Harris and Sean Penn. but did you know about my, um, interest in Eric Stoltz? and um, I kind of, a little bit, want to add Ricky Gervais to this list (WHAT? my god, have you seen his stand-up?) I mean, we all tried to win. we tried, we really did. Andrea tried to win with Liam Gallagher (or was it Noel?) and Adam tried to win with Sarah Jessica Parker and the other Adam tried to win with Juliette Lewis. but Michelle? she took the cake. and I still don’t know which of her choices was worse…Michael Phelps or Galen Weston. and for those of you who don’t watch Canadian TV and don’t get the PC commercials, I offer you some video footage.

can YOU beat that? I dare you to try!

and now I am going to nap.

but it’s Hanukah/Hannukah/Chanukah!!!! (choose your own adventure…there are too many spellings) and this is certainly a holiday i can get behind. a holiday that celebrates eating fried food for 8 days straight. oh yeah!

well, i guess, if you force me to have another doughnut, i suppose i will.

and then maybe another one.

yesterday was spent going from party to party. i first took Isabella to her friend Zachary’s party where she insisted on wearing her “B for Bella” sweater. i didn’t have the heart to tell her that the B wasn’t exactly for Bella. heh.

but i’ll give you one guess who said this to her:

“Isabella…the B on your sweater stands for Burberry. DUH.”

??

then we went to our synagogue Hanukah party, where somehow Miss Emily managed to win herself a digital camera in a dreidel spinning contest. (i told you she was a kick-ass dreidel) and now no one is safe. she’s been taking pictures of me doing pretty much anything and everything i’d NEVER want anyone to see me doing naked.

(oh, and did i tell you that one morning this week my kids were on skype with my inlaws and i didn’t know and then i walked out of the bathroom after blowing my hair dry – which i do completely in the buck naked – and walked right out of the bathroom and saw my mother-in-law and my father-in-law on the computer screen?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then i died.)

and then we were off to my inlaws where my health-conscious mother-in-law decided to NOT serve any fried anything. WHAT? WHAT IS A CHANUKAH PARTY WITHOUT LATKAS???!?!? (ps. i don’t even eat latkas…i just feel like they are a complete necessity at a chanukah party)

and then we were invited to a pajama party at Tova and Fry’s. we were supposed to come in our pajamas and eat copious amounts of food and watch a movie and sit by the fire and do what people are supposed to do when it’s booger-freezing cold out.

(which reminds me…can someone please remind me that i live in canada and sensible boots are probably a WISE idea?)

apparently, though, i was the only one who got this memo. i came in my favorites…

my Victoria’s Secret donut pjs! LOVE!

i announced to the sweatpants-wearing crowd that i felt i deserved some sort of reward for being the ONLY one to follow the rules…but then when Fry started talking about subsets (and i had been told there’d be no math on this exam) i just went back to eating my $19 container of completely tasteless hunan beef

(seriously…HUMAN NOODS? WHAT?)

and watching Beautiful Girls ….that i forced everyone to sit through because, seriously, it’s one of my favorites…i don’t really think anyone but me actually liked it, but they wanted to watch Baby Mama…and hello? i love Tina Fey as much as Barbara Walters does, but still…Beautiful Girls!

this is why i HATE recommending movies to people. instead of enjoying the movie, i’ll sit and stress about whether everyone else is liking it. i once recommended Garden State to friends and they HATED it. HATED IT! what? how can you hate Garden State? and i dragged my sister-in-law and brother- in-law to see Across the Universe (which, hello, LOVED) but i stressed through the entire thing because it was totally clear that they were NOT GETTING IT. i guess i have kind of an off-beat taste in movies. I keep telling people that they HAVE the see The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Son of Rambow…but i just *know* that most people will NOT love these movies. but they are pieces of beauty, these two. pieces of beauty.

and ps, i’m still waiting for my reward….

no, this one came in our search to find videos of anteaters eating ants. my animal obsessed daughter was asking for some.

awesome. she – and we – got way more than we bargained for. and while the husband and i were glued to the video, much like we’ve been glued to Six Feet Under – we finished season 3, y’all, Isabella quickly lost interest. “where are the ANTS?!?!? i don’t see any ANTS!” “and when are we going to see the whales?” “i want to put my finger in its mouth!!!”

what? where did this child come from?

i took Miss Emily out for dinner last night. Just the two of us. it was easily one of the nicest times i can remember. we sat out on the patio of the restaurant of her choice. we talked about school, about her teachers, about her friends, about anything and everything.

She was feeling bummed because i was supposed to take her to meet with this talent agent. It didn’t work out because i didn’t have a babysitter and there was no way i was taking all three of my kids all the way downtown on the subway for this. (plus, i’m scared of potential subway farters now...) yes, yes. i did say talent agent. and yes, i realize that many of you have strong opinions about this. i’m not looking for judgment here today folks.

Emily was approached to model for print work when she was about six months old, and did it for several years. and LOVED every minute of it. she is a total natural in front of the camera. did everything she was told. impressed the pants off of many a photographer. and simply had a blast. (also? made more money an hour than i EVER could dream of). she was in Sears fliers and on Wal-Mart billboards and in Ganz toy magazines. We went to the shoots we could, and didn’t go to the ones we couldn’t.

and then we stopped. because even though it was ALL the child, at 4, talked about, i wanted her to enjoy other things. i wanted her to swim, and dance, and take gymnastics. i wanted her to explore other arenas. (also? i’ll be honest. i wanted to stop shlepping around the city with my three children. remember? subway? haha. plus, newborn baby!) and yet, she always seemed to gravitate towards the camera. the acting. the school play.

me: “oh. really. great. EXACTLY the look i was going for” (insert sarcasm here)

Emily: “but, the Zoey 101 version. not the big and pregnant version”

me: “thanks. um. i think”

and. um. i think she might be right.

shit.

have i ever told you about the time i saw Titanic in IMAX?

well, while the husband spent the entire movie being disturbed by how bad the graphics were in imax…yes, honey, the people on the long shots of the boat looked incredibly fake...i spent the entire movie being disturbed by the blind girl sitting next to me.

i know this sounds bad.

but she was blind. and therefore, couldn’t see. and therefore, brought herself a companion. who spent the entire movie answering her every-30-second question of “what’s happening now?”

and not in the good Leroy and Raj and Rerun way either…

and i thought, it’s nice that she went to see a movie…but perhaps an emptier matinée would have been a better choice? so i didn’t have to hear the movie IN STEREO??!?!?

well, i kind of thought the exact same thing last night.

after i wanted to stab the asshole in front of me in the throat. a man who brought his FIVE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER to see

(i guess i’m not one to talk since my dad DID take me and my sister to see FLASHDANCE in the theater. when i was FIVE. but still. Iron Man? really? sex? violence? men being ripped from their wives and children? really? a five year old?)

the theater was nearly empty. there was the couple making out in the back. the father-daughter-team. another father-daughter-team (at least we hoped they were, but there may have been a little bit too much, erm, touching for them to be related) there was Tova and Me.

and then there was the special school. on a field trip. to see Iron Man.

which, i think, was really, really nice. (remember this before you judge me)

but my first thought was..”wouldn’t a matinée be a better choice?”

because there were outbursts. many, many outbursts. and the screams. lots of screaming. and fidgeting and ticking. it was really distracting. REALLY distracting. and none of the caregivers thought “hey, maybe we should take these kids out of the theater so other people can enjoy the movie they paid to see…”

smile and wave, boys. smile and wave.

two saving graces?

i LOVED the movie, even though i’m the last person on the planet to see it. (but at least i’m not the last one to see Juno, like some people i know…)

i LOVED the dude behind the snack counter, who convinced us to buy the large free-refill popcorn. he handed us a tray, emptied the popcorn into it, and then refilled the popcorn right there for us. one for me. one for Tova. AWESOME.

perhaps i shall go back to just downloading my movies….

i did not drink at BlogHer08.

i swear. not one. and NO i’m not pregnant. you see, i like to drink. and so, i drink. and i drink often. and when i drink i tend to get, um, wordy. i tend to overshare. and then i say things like

“it’s less dark in here”

when asked how i liked Maggie Mason’s launch party.

SMOOTH.

so, i didn’t drink. i wanted to avoid acting like a total asshole. or a total nutjob. and i wanted to soak it all in. and i wanted to get every single minute out of it that i could. and i wanted to NOT feel like ass in the mornings.

i can’t even put into words how amazing my whirlwind weekend was.

~ eating my first, and only, real meal in SF with my roommates (love! love!) and Whoorl at Neiman Marcus.

~ Having the AMAZING Susan Wagner (who may just be the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen in real life) tie my shirt for me because i can’t dress myself.

~coffee with the Spohrs…love. (except now i will be filling my entire day downloading Ron Sexsmith…how have i never heard of him?)

~ getting kicked off the hallway floor at the Westin St. Francis. before i got to finish my red velvet cupcake too. boo. but i did finally get to meet and talk to the lovely LeahandSimon and Holly.

~ Loralee singing to me and Miss Angella, my internet crazy canuck twin (i cried it was so beautiful).

~ crying when the wonderfully amazing and good-haired (*jealous*) Casey of Moosh in Indy read her keynote post. also? she does a mean “Thriller”

~ not getting to have brunch with Moose because ohmigod do i LOVE her.

~ getting an “i love Regina” (hahaha giggly goo) t-shirt from Schmutzie…who i love love love. she’s so wonderful.

~ cheeseburger parties.

~ Being told by two bloggers that they’d decided i was cute.

~ Anthropologie!

~ watching Heather B drink wine out of a starbucks cup.

~ crashing Maggie Mason’s party and stealing her cheetos. but really it was only because the chair-stealing idea went bust. (love you, Jennster!)

~ coming up with new taglines for our sites…um: Ali Martell: Short on Height, not on brains or Kristabella: A different shade of pale. awesome, eh? (and for the last time, Heather B, Canadians do NOT say a-BOOT)

you can continue laughing about my non-drinking (since i know you still are…)

but i wasn’t the one who said things like…

“um, do you ever get words stuck in your head…like, um, episiotomy? sometimes i just can’t get that word out of my head!”

(what? sure, i get things stuck in my head. things like stupid commercial jingles. and i always hear Jon Lovitz saying ‘Eat Fresh!’ all. the. damn. time. but i wouldn’t walk around advertising that to a complete stranger. just, um, out of the blue. and i certainly wouldn’t if the word was stitches on the vag related…just saying.)

or

“have you ever been inside of a meat locker??”

(have i ever been inside of a meat locker? that’s quite an interesting conversation starter…don’t you think? why yes, i WAS in one…the last time i was in that Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie…)

or

“i hear Dooce is in the house and i’m glad she’s not in here because if she was i’d be all ‘ohmigod! ohmigod! ohmigod! i LOOOOOOOOOOVE you”

(and then Dooce stands up and waves to everyone in the session)

or

something about mythical hobbits…

(huzzah! i had to throw that in there somewhere. but since i shy away from drama, you’ll have to go elsewhere to get the Bloggess/Dooce dirt. because i *heart* them both, yo!)

the trip was great. and you can, of course, see the whole photoset on flickr, here. i’m exhausted. am running on nothing but coffee and candy bars…sorry, Casey, Stara and i had to steal some of your wunderbars.

i am so glad i finally got to meet so many people that i love. (am not even going to attempt the linky love. there are way too many) and i’m sad that there are people who were there that i didn’t even get a chance to meet…like her and her.

but BlogHer was a big old fat tease. she throws all these amazing women into a room and says, “here’s a 48-hour gift”…it’s like when i was a kid and i used to watch this show and the prize was, like, 2 minutes in a store and you could fill your cart with whatever you wanted in those 2 minutes. no? i’m the only one who ever saw this? really?

there’s always next year.

(sadly, there was NO Cheesecake Factory. no time. boo. hiss. am crying)

ohmygoodgod,

i need a drink.

(where are my damn drink tickets now?)

(ps. since last week’s cross-over post was such a hit, i’m all over it again this week…so..click on over to Juice today to see the 13 celebrities whose styles i loathe…)

1. Rachel Bilson

2. Reese Witherspoon

3. Natalie Portman

4. Jessica Alba

5. Ali Larter

6. Blake Lively

7. Jennifer Aniston

8. Keri Russell

9. Jennifer Garner

10. Jessica Biel

11. Kelly Ripa

12. Hayden Pannetiere

13. Kate Middleton

sometimes, though, it just doesn’t work.

1. Nicole Kidman and Jude Law in Cold Mountain.

2. Aladdin and Princess Jasmine in Aladdin

3. Katie Holmes and Christian Bale in Batman Begins

4. Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy in Pretty in Pink

5. Lea Thompson and Howard the Duck in Howard the Duck

6. Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt in As Good As It Gets

7. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen in Star Wars: Episode II

8. Ralph Macchio and Elisabeth Shue in Karate Kid

9. Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes in Maid in Manhattan

10. Julia Roberts and Jude Law and Julia Roberts and Clive Owen in Closer

11. Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn in The Interpreter

12. Matthew McConaughney and Jodie Foster in Contact

13. Paul Reubens and Valeria Golino in Big Top Pee Wee

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!! mwah!

Now head on over to my other site, Juice, where I’m counting down my 13 movie couples with the most chemistry.

1. Cheesecake Factory

2. ipod

3. winsor pilates buns and thighs 20-minute dvd

4. 30 Rock

5. Rusk flat iron

6. dick in a box

7. facebook

8. super mario galaxy

9. My new entertainment site, Juice: Entertainment News with Extra Pulp

10. white chocolate reese’s peanut butter cups

11. nonfat, sugar-free gingerbread latte from Starbucks

12. skinny jeans

13. Josh Groban’s Noel album

what about you?? what’s totally worth the hype?

1. trendy flavored martinis. the only person that is permitted to drink an appletini is JD on Scrubs.

2. Porsche Cayenne. if you’re going to drive a porsche, drive a porsche for god’s sake. unless you are Carmela Soprano.

3. Pomegranate juice

4. People’s 50 Most Beautiful People issue. because sometimes, they are just wrong. surely blythe danner is NOT one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world.

5. sliced bread. it’s really not all that exciting, when you think about it…

6. foreplay. great for dating. but after you’ve been married for ten years and have two three (thanks, Aimee!) kids and lots of shows to watch…who. has. time. ??

7. Rachael Ray

8. H&M. i was so excited when it came to Canada. but truth be told, it’s cheaply made and expensively priced. occasionally, i find something i like, but the store is so huge and overwhelming. i don’t like it.

9. poker. mostly, watching other people play poker. on tv.

10. Ugly Betty. the beginning was golden. love love love. i love her. i loved the campiness of the show. this season just can’t keep me. i’ve totally lost interest.

11. Crocs. y’all know how i feel about these.

12. The English Patient. the book. and the movie. i couldn’t get through either.

13. Posh and Becks. no one cares anymore. (but i did appreciate the beck underwear shots. mmm…)

what about you??? what do people love that you just. can’t. understand. ???

1. Bob Saget on Entourage

2. Michael J. Fox on Scrubs

3. Hank Azaria on Friends

4. Mark Hamill on The Simpsons

5. Christopher Reeve on Smallville

6. Keith Hernandez on Seinfeld

7. Dustin Hoffman on The Simpsons

8. Al Gore on 30 Rock

9. Cher on Will and Grace

10. Adam West on Family Guy

11. George Lucas on The OC

12. David Duchovny on The Larry Sanders Show

13. Paul Reubens on 30 Rock