1. ….And Scene.
    Isabella, upon stubbing her toe: OH SHOOT-A-BAGELS! Josh, upon hearing Isabella’s unintentionally hilarious expression: It’s not shoot a bagels. It’s ROOT-IN-VEGAS! That’s what you are supposed to say. OH ROOT-IN-VEGAS! Emily, upon hearing her siblings: You guys are such turds…it’s RUTABAGAS. OHMIGOD. you guys are so embarrassing. Did you watch LOST this week? Wanna come [...]
    Filed in The Family, the mouths of babes | 22-Apr-10 | 10 comments
  2. forgive my randomness, my abs hurt and my brain is still fried from LOST. ohmigod. LOST.
    this morning i sat in the Tim Horton’s drive-thru (hoping to win my 5th free coffee..i mean, i would be okay winning the Venza, but i’m just happy with the free coffees seeing as how it’s about 4 more coffees than i won last year..) behind a car with vanity plates that said…get this…SWEATY. i [...]
    Filed in The Reality TV, the mouths of babes | 05-Mar-09 | 30 comments
  3. mortification. and some winners. and some snowIndy
    my kids do their fair share of embarrassing me. You have to develop a thick skin around children, probably even thicker with the Martell kids because sure they might play cute on tv… but i assure you, in reality, they are mortification machines. I mean how can you not DIE when your 7-year-old looks at [...]
    Filed in the Indy, the contests, the mouths of babes | 13-Jan-09 | 26 comments
  4. snowmaggedon and ginger-casualties
    so, Snowmaggedon was supposed to start last night. we were supposed to get 50 cm of snow. They were showing clips of people getting bumped on Air Canada, being begged to take earlier flights, so that they’d make it to their destinations by christmas. There were advisories. There are live blogs.  and storm watches. stay [...]
    Filed in eh?, the mouths of babes | 19-Dec-08 | 34 comments
  5. baby-eating dragon randomness. and there’s some chocolate too.
    Daddy: Isabella, what do you want for dinner, sweets? Isabella: Pizza! and Pickles! Daddy: What? are you pregnant? nannyHaydee: Isabella? Do you have a baby in your tummy? Isabella: not anymore. Remember, Haydee….the DRAGON ate it?! sigh. that’s life with Missabella. just like a box of chocolates…i certainly never know what i’m going to get. [...]
    Filed in the mouths of babes, the old school ali | 18-Dec-08 | 26 comments
  6. it’s official. i am old.
    The boy is 6* 6. he came into this world – surprise! – 20 months after his sister. and he was a big ole’ bald melonhead. (holy dark hair, Ali!) Josh at 6 is a pretty awesome kid. He is by far my best sleeper and by far my worst eater. but give him a [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the mouths of babes | 03-Nov-08 | 38 comments
  7. out of the mouths of the fruit of my loins.
    fruit #1 me: swee’pea, what do you want for dinner? Isabella: i want to..um…i want to eat…pagina!!! yes! me: um, excuse me? Isabella: Pagina! i love Pagina! me: WHAT? Isabella: you know, that fing. the one with the noodles. and the cottage cheese. and the sauce. you know, pagina! me: you mean, LASAGNA? Isabella: yes, [...]
    Filed in the mouths of babes | 29-Oct-08 | 41 comments
  8. that’s what she said, i don’t like boats, and i have problems
    a conversation: Isabella, almost 3, regarding her watermelon: Wow! This is REALLY big! Emily, 7: That’s what she said. ahem. mother of the year, folks. mother of the year. have i ever told you about my fear of boats? Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat? Yes, sir. To get to the other side [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 07-Jul-08 | 37 comments
  9. of George and Georgia…again, something i couldn’t even make up…
    Josh: “mommy…whose picture is on that money?” me: “George Washington is on the $1 bill” Josh: “Who’s he?” me: “he was the first president of the United States, hon” (ali kicks herself. must. move. back. to. the. states.) Emily: “huh…i always thought George Clooney was on the dollar bill…” i swear to god. i about [...]
    Filed in The Girl, the mouths of babes | 23-Apr-08 | 32 comments
  10. a whole bunch of unrelated things. it’s how i’m rolling today.
    have any of you ever taken your empties back to MAC? i finished an eye shadow this morning and it was about to go under my bathroom counter to go and live with the 85,000 empty lipsticks, shadows, blushes i’ve been keeping and have never taken back (or thrown away either. hi, i’m ali. i’m [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the Deep Thoughts, the mouths of babes | 02-Apr-08 | 21 comments
  11. a diaper free zone…also, ali is irresponsible
    “mommy, you have boobies!” “yes, Isabella. we pretty much cover this every morning. it doesn’t change. well, except when i’m pregnant” “i don’t have boobies” “no, still don’t” “also..i don’t have a crocodile in my mouth.” “no? well, that’s good to hear” “but he says ‘hey dude!’ like that” “interesting” “but he’s not in my [...]
    Filed in The Snark, the mouths of babes | 11-Jan-08 | 38 comments
  12. i love cheese, not boobs
    when i ask Isabella to smile for the camera, she always does the same thing. she says, “i love cheese!” which is her version of saying cheese. and then she does this: every single time i haul out the camera. Last night, however, while we were Hanukah/Hannukah/Chanukah’ing (choose your own spelling because i’ve totally given [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the mouths of babes | 05-Dec-07 | 19 comments
  13. kicking heiney and some housekeeping
    heard last night while playing the new star wars lego game on xbox: “Wahoo! Mommy, i just kicked the bad guy’s ass!” “Joshua! We don’t use words like that.” “oh, sorry…i just kicked the guy’s ass!” bah-dum-dum. he sure showed me. showed me that i need to teach my son to use the word bum. [...]
    Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the mouths of babes | 13-Nov-07 | 31 comments
  14. dude, i LOVE holiday weekends…
    heard in my house yesterday: Josh: Wanna know something weird? My knee-pit stinks! we are so proud. mostly because he actually used a sentence. as opposed to when we were at the superstore yesterday…when he grabbed his ass and said “poo!” all caveman-like again…. [my gawd, have you seen their new Joe clothes for kids?? [...]
    Filed in The Family, the mouths of babes | 03-Sep-07 | 29 comments
  15. things heard
    thing #1: “mommy! mommy! i awake. and i flyin’ mommy? you dere mommy? i flyin’ i flyin!” so, i went into her room. she wasn’t kidding. there she was on, on her stomach, with both her legs and her arms waving in the air. she was flyin’ (damnit to hell…where was my camera when i [...]
    Filed in The Friends, the mouths of babes | 23-Jul-07 | 30 comments
  16. i love my weng weng and other monday ditties
    seriously, y’all. i didn’t think i had it in my heart to love a midget as much as i love mini-me. (“blimey! i thought i smelled cabbage!”) but, clearly that was until weng weng came along. he is agent 00. he is 2 foot 9. need i say more? warning: this will be the funniest [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Girl, The Snark, the mouths of babes | 09-Jul-07 | 20 comments
  17. i have nice boobs
    really, i do. (hey, you in back. quit laughing already. it’s tacky.) i mean, sure, they aren’t super perky like my sister’s or gigantanormous like some of my friends, but they are nice. especially considering they served as a wet bar for a total of 17 months to three different children and considering they yo-yoed in [...]
    Filed in the bloggers, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 04-Jul-07 | 25 comments
  18. Britney Spears bible stories…AND my daughter, cleaning lady extraordinaire
    overheard at my house: Josh: Daddy, Britney Spears died. Husband: No, she didn’t, Josh. Josh: oh right, that was Moses (yes, that Moses. from the bible. because the two are so easily confused) not only did i finish watching High School Musical long after the girl had gone to bed…but i then preceeded to watch [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 06-Jun-07 | 20 comments
  19. haircuts and awards and farts…oh my!
    i was all ready to post a thursday thirteen this week…i was thinking worst celebrity dressers…the hardest part of this would be narrowing down the contestants. but, there was laundry to do. and dishes to wash. and blankets to be made. and book launches to miss (oh, yes, i’m not pleased about this one…but i [...]
    Filed in The Husband, The Meme, the bloggers, the mouths of babes | 12-Apr-07 | 19 comments
  20. you say it’s your birthday…duh duh duh…it’s my birthday too…
    hey jude… (anyone know what movie this is from???? there will be prizes, i promise.) anyway, since today is the husband’s birthday (happy 32nd, baby) i decided i wouldn’t talk about how i didn’t get to watch a single show last night because he got his beloved xbox back and was online all night playing [...]
    Filed in The Friends, The Husband, The Snark, the mouths of babes | 09-Feb-07 | 21 comments
  21. productivity at its finest
    Joshua: Daddy, can we go cowtipping? Daddy: Sure, Josh, right after we put on our overalls and shuck the corn. yeehaw. So, last night my plan was to be all productive-like. to finish a blanket i was working on to catch up on all the shows i’ve missed this week to write my post for [...]
    Filed in The Reality TV, The Snark, the mouths of babes | 17-Nov-06 | 19 comments
  22. kids these days…
    heard in our house yesterday: Josh: Daddy, I will be Luke Skywalker. Who will you be? Daddy: I’ll be Obi-Wan Kenobi Josh: Okay, but if you see Darth Vader, don’t kill him….cuz he’s my dad. Well, having my dad and stepmom here this weekend – it was too short, only 48 hours – helped open [...]
    Filed in The Family, the mouths of babes | 13-Nov-06 | 13 comments
  23. the best birthday present…and other randoms
    (thanks, guys. this was THE best gift ever!) note to self. must stop dreaming about Johnny Knoxville. yes, THOSE kind of dreams. have you seen the Jackass sketch called, “The Omelet” ? just knowing a sketch like this exists should completely turn me off of JK. (those with weak stomachs need not read this paragraph. [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Jobs, the mouths of babes | 17-Oct-06 | 24 comments