1. It *May* Even Have Training Wheels.
    So, here’s the thing. Girls with my genetic makeup were not built for running. No. Short Jewish girls of Eastern European descent were not meant to run anywhere other than towards a bakery or a good shoe sale. It’s true. I do not belong on a treadmill or on the side of the road donning [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 10-Mar-10 | 12 comments
  2. Big Fat Chicken.
    In exactly one day, I will be putting my firstborn on an airplane and I will not see her for 16 days. Not only that, I am sending her halfway across the world so she can be in Israel for her oldest cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. The problem is that I agreed to this when Emily [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 05-Feb-10 | 15 comments
  3. Read My Lips.
    Apparently, word on the street – and all over your facebook pages – is that it’s what-celebrity-do-YOU-look-like week, also known as doppleganger week. But, um, I have some issues with that word (of course I do)(newsflash: I am troubled). Fancy. Everyone seems to be lemming it up and jumping on the ole bandwagon. I have been enjoying [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 03-Feb-10 | 28 comments
  4. I….
    will not drink the milk after the expiration date. (see also: yogurt) am the kind of girl who laughs at a funeral. (see also: other inappropriate times) am a sucker for a man with dimples. cannot leave someone a voicemail without sounding like a total tool. overuse the word awesome. love the smell of gasoline. And pumpkin. am terrified of clowns. [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 29-Jan-10 | 25 comments
  5. The one I intend to keep…mostly because it does’t involve drinking any extra water.
    So, my story starts with this lovely, lovely camera that I have in my possession. She sure is pretty. When I tote it around with me, I feel like people are all, “oh look! A professional photographer!” even though, really, when I’m at the aquarium or the zoo or at the school presentations, DSLRs are [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 25-Jan-10 | 16 comments
  6. In which I admit something to you that *might* be a dealbreaker.
    so, the real question here (other than the obvious ‘where’s my bloody tan?’ and ‘why in the hell is my hair so damn BIG?’) is, well, what’s your poison here…is it the pretty, pretty personal trainer man or the beautiful, beautiful shoe? The lovely Anissa and I had the pleasure of drooling at attending the Wine, [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 05-Oct-09 | 33 comments
  7. The Return of the Tits (List). AKA What I am Loving Rightthisverysecond
    Black Eyed Peas. oh my god. this is a band that I have loathed for YEARS. they have always topped my “this shit is totally overrated” lists. but, my god. I cannot stop listening to them right now. my roots. They are growing in AUBURN. corn-on-the-cob vintage 1950s accessories, especially cat-eye glasses frames. The Smurfs when my [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 26-Aug-09 | 38 comments
  8. ancient chinese secret
    My angry eyes are usually tucked away in a nice little hiding place I like to call THE LAND OF I’M FINE. I have ‘em. (Who doesn’t?) but they hardly come out to play. I have never been a wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve type. Usually, when I’m angry or hurt or upset, you can’t tell. I wear my happy [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 06-Jul-09 | 21 comments
  9. He could very well be the new Dentist Kid
    Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Tommy Boy. Zoolander. Spaceballs. The Big Lebowski. National Lampoon’s Vacation. Old School. The Jerk. A Fish Called Wanda. Groundhog Day. Coming to America. Dumb and Dumber. Raising Arizona. Best in Show. Better off Dead. There’s Something About Mary. 40-Year-Old Virgin. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Airplane. funny. (this is most definitely an incomplete list [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 22-Jun-09 | 24 comments
  10. find my fecking filter for me. please.
    In two short months the Awfully Big Adventure begins. Two months. TWO MONTHS! Two months until we pack up the wagon queen family truckster giant-ass minivan (I assure you, there’s nothing mini about that puppy) and head out on our two-day journey down to Atlanta for our year-long journey. I’m excited. I’m super excited. But [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 28-May-09 | 26 comments
  11. things I am doing…
    I’m lying in bed, with a lovely little case of the vertigo (happy birthday to ME!), trying not to turn my head too much, hoping my dog doesn’t repeat his vomit-on-the-kitchen-floor moment from this morning (because, of course, like every day, we have people coming to see the house…#73, I think?) and watching the Bachelorette, [...]
    Filed in The Thursday Thirteen, the McMoms, the girl behind the screen | 24-May-09 | 21 comments
  12. the yin and the yang (I still can’t believe I just wrote that…)
    I have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. On the one hand, if there’s going to be a day to celebrate ME, then I’d like to spend it in bed with some cookie dough and some coffee and maybe a let’s-watch-LOST-from-the-beginning marathon. I wouldn’t shower, or get dressed, or put on make-up. I’d actually get to [...]
    Filed in parenting sure is fun, the girl behind the screen | 11-May-09 | 21 comments
  13. The one where she realizes she needs to give up something…like sleeping. sleeping is overrated, though, right?
    Spotted: a homeless man on a bicycle parked at the end of my driveway. he was rifling through my recycling bins. and this, friends, is how my 87th started-but-never-to-be-finished novel was born. because that’s how it is with me; it’s how it has always been. I am somewhere unimportant, doing something equally as unimportant, and something [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 23-Apr-09 | 22 comments
  14. my own spring awakening…if it was, you know, warmer than -2
    well, this morning started out kind of, um, interesting. i was in my room, dancing naked like i do every morning, but this morning i had a little extra spring in my step…because just post-shower, i noticed a box sitting on my counter. a box from Loralee. see…you whine enough on twitter, and on facebook, and [...]
    Filed in The Girl, the girl behind the screen | 25-Mar-09 | 26 comments
  15. I AM red cross certified, you know…
    last night i babysat for my niece Keira so everyone could go and see Emily belt out “The Winner Takes It All” in her school’s version of Mamma Mia. I hear she was perfect and amazing and incredible and all that jazz. (i will be the judge of that tonight, when it’s my turn to weep [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 23-Mar-09 | 20 comments
  16. a day in the life. tuesday.
    well, the good news is that Josh doesn’t have meningitis. oh yes, it’s been quite the adventure. Josh – my child who ONLY complains when his DS privileges are revoked – started with a headache.  then he didn’t drink pop at dinner. then he fell asleep at the dinner table. then he was dizzy. then [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 12-Mar-09 | 35 comments
  17. sideswept. my brain and my van.
    some little fucker in a pimped-out honda civic hatchback came thisclose to hitting me this morning and so, basically, i forgot everything i was going to tell you. Now, the only thing i can think about is who the hell pimps out a honda civic? also, who drives hatchbacks? i mean, sure, i drive a [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 23-Feb-09 | 38 comments
  18. for those of you who thought there was a lack of overshare on this site…
    So, she tagged me for the 25 random thing meme that’s spreading like SARS in Toronto circa 2003 floating around facebook. and since SHE has totally rad taste in music (and this, as you all know, music snob that i am, is something that i don’t take lightly) and also, well, she’s HOT, i decided [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 30-Jan-09 | 39 comments
  19. since i love jumping! and i see a good bandwagon!
    yesterday, i did something i never thought i would. i removed Jude Law from my list. yes, THAT ONE. the pretend celebrity boyfriend list. The last time i removed someone from it, it was to take Jared Leto off, and that was for lack of bathing. if you want to be my boyfriend, you have to [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 12-Jan-09 | 115 comments
  20. hate to love
    Good Times (see also: The Facts of Life. Diff’rent Strokes. Growing Pains. Family Ties) Reese’s Pieces (see also: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. and now Wunderbars, thanks to Miss Casey) Elvis mayonnaise Hoodies and yoga pants Saved By the Bell imdb.com (see also: ebay. com. and youtube.com) Center Stage (see also: Save the Last Dance. and Clueless) the smell of gasoline Eric Stoltz Scrabble and Scramble [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 09-Jan-09 | 31 comments
  21. the fruit commandments*
    if you’ve ever read this site before, you know i’m no stranger to bizarre food issues. if it’s your first time here, hi, i’m Ali, and i have bizarre food issues, especially where fruit is concerned… fruit does not belong in dessert. There are, of course, a few exceptions to this rule. lemon, like in lemon-poppy [...]
    Filed in the McMoms, the girl behind the screen | 18-Nov-08 | 38 comments
  22. more than a one-armed paper hanger
    “i haven’t seen you in ages!” “i know. i know.” “How have you been?????” “great. really great. but sooooo busy. but it’s all good things. but still, so busy. we totally need to get together soon!” i have this conversation a lot. too often, to be honest. sadly, though, it’s the truth. i have so much going on right [...]
    Filed in the McMoms, the girl behind the screen | 17-Nov-08 | 30 comments
  23. just me and dolly parton. without all the enormous boobs.
    i work. full time. (actually, i have three jobs. an 8-4 job. a side business. and a gettingoftheground media gig through my gossip website, where i get to interview celebrities and go to awesome events like the Gemini awards.) (go ahead and judge. i’m okay with it. aliat30 is okay with it. aliat30 doesn’t even feel guilty [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 05-Nov-08 | 51 comments
  24. Marcia Marcia Marcia
    so, yesterday i went to see my best friend the tailor. yes, the one who buys me chocolate bars. to, again, get MORE pants shortened. (ps. it would be swell to foronceinmylife actually walk into a store, buy a pair of pants and wear them without having to get them severely altered) and he says [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 21-Oct-08 | 61 comments
  25. Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
    i can be a bitch. i know. you are shocked right now, right? alas, it’s the truth. while the majority of the time i’m sweet like pumpkin pie, there are times where the mean ugly bee-otch needs to make an appearance. some might be kind and call it being feisty, or some might go as far [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Girl, the Deep Thoughts, the girl behind the screen | 06-Oct-08 | 34 comments
  26. I…
    scratch mosquito bites until they bleed remember the birthdays of people i haven’t seen since kindergarten can drive a stick shift. and i think it’s sexy could listen to Sunna on repeat all day. or Band of Horses. or Kings of Leon. am a good flirt convinced my daughter to buy three pairs of shoes for the price of the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 17-Sep-08 | 46 comments
  27. perseverence and how one day i will how to have some
    while, yes, at some point today there WILL be a ballet picture of littleAli and littleAli’sonlyslightlybiggersisterlittleCharna, it won’t be until this evening, because i am at work and have no access to the baby Ali files. EDITED TO ADD: okay…here you go! porsche hoodie. tutu. you can see more here. and i would have done it last night…but this is [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 15-Sep-08 | 27 comments
  28. HELP. i promise i’m not sporting shiners.
    this, friends, is my face, sans makeup. It took me a long time to get the make-up thing down…and yes, like a 6th grader, i still keep it all in a messy, messy bag. over the years, i’ve discovered what i like. and i’m truly an easy girl to please. smashbox foundation, clinique powder, lancome hypnose [...]
    Filed in The Products, the fashion, the girl behind the screen, the ranting | 05-Sep-08 | 75 comments
  29. skeletons
    some things get to be just yours. some secrets. some issues. they get to be buried and hidden and ignored. or they get to be complained about. until you have a daughter. and then you have another. and then your disordered eating and your disordered view of your body doesn’t get to be just yours anymore. because [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 19-Aug-08 | 42 comments
  30. the power of the dream and Ali storms the floor…
    rant of the day…you know what i hate? bands that decide they need to start screaming 3/4 of the way through the song. yes, i’m talking to you, Foo Fighters. what the hell, Dave? hmm? Let It Die is a perfectly good song until you start SCREAMING for no reason at the end. seriously. stop. [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen, the old school ali | 12-Aug-08 | 27 comments
  31. of pasta birthdays and pineapple express dreams
    yesterday, while on the phone with miss SLynnRo, complaining talking about people oversharing with me, my doorbell rang and i ran for cover. i so wasn’t expecting visitors and i sure as hell didn’t want any unannounced ones. but, looking through the peephole, i realized it was either a primordial dwarf or a package, so [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen | 07-Aug-08 | 30 comments
  32. a summer bonus. and i don’t know how to be single.
    food poisoning. a nice little bonus summer activity i can now cross off my list. i still feel like crap, but the chills/sweats/chills/sweats fever is gone so i’m back at work. i pretty much slept straight from 10:30 yesterday morning until 6:30 this morning, waking only to tell the husband, twitter and Tova how awful i [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen | 06-Aug-08 | 36 comments
  33. this week i will…
    …attempt to NOT be such a music snob. i really, really am. i really, really wish i wasn’t, though. i realize that there’s a reason we have so many different radio stations. not everyone is going to like what i like. different strokes, right? but sometimes…things happen…where snarkyAli rears her head and says things on [...]
    Filed in The Family, The Snark, the girl behind the screen | 29-Jul-08 | 44 comments
  34. i am a liar! (albeit not a very good one)
    i am very open about the fact that i’m a really shitty liar. i swear. i am. if i’m lying, you will know. i cannot bring myself to tell you that your baby is cute if he looks like an old wrinkled man. and i cannot tell you that no, those pants don’t make your [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 25-Jul-08 | 45 comments
  35. think karma can be bribed with cheeseburgers?
    phone karma. make fun of your dinky little phone and it will hide your messages from you and then, all of a sudden, it will be all “hey, dude, you have 29 messages!” and i really wish that 29 was an exaggeration. it’s not. this morning i had 29 phone messages. and i’m not that [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 23-Jul-08 | 36 comments
  36. met on the internet
    i hate manicures and pedicures. seriously. the entire experience. having someone massaging your hands and (ew) feet. that cheese grater tool they use…what the fuck IS that thing anyway? having to choose your colors without any guidance…there’s a friggin’ wall of choices, how am i supposed to pick one? from the non-english speaking…it’s straight out of that [...]
    Filed in the blogher, the fashion, the girl behind the screen | 16-Jul-08 | 44 comments
  37. please come and sell me chocolate. i will buy a dozen.
    i wish more Jehovah’s Witnesses came knocking at my door. no, really, i do. (you can stop laughing now) i’m fascinated by religions in general and love to pick at the brains of the religiously inclined. i love to hear about what and why they believe. i mean, i come from a family full of jews, [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 11-Jul-08 | 40 comments
  38. raised right. and straight. and with a warm gun.
    i consider myself to have been raised right. well, that’s not entirely true. my sister and i are actually shocked that we managed to grow up to be actual functioning members of society and not banging our heads against some padded wall all girl interrupted style. only with way better hair and probably less dead chicken [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Music, the girl behind the screen | 10-Jul-08 | 54 comments
  39. my appendix may be lost forever…and blogher
    remember when they couldn’t find my appendix?? (fucking ultrasound techs) well, in an effort to locate my missing appendix AND figure out what the heck is wrong with my stomach, i was scheduled for a cat scan this morning. um, yeah… first…there was the drink. the “cocktail” as she tried to pass it off was double gulp [...]
    Filed in the blogher, the girl behind the screen | 09-Jul-08 | 39 comments
  40. that’s what she said, i don’t like boats, and i have problems
    a conversation: Isabella, almost 3, regarding her watermelon: Wow! This is REALLY big! Emily, 7: That’s what she said. ahem. mother of the year, folks. mother of the year. have i ever told you about my fear of boats? Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat? Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay. Nobody said [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 07-Jul-08 | 37 comments
  41. i’m a television whore. and i need your help.
    i was pretty much raised by a television. i learned to read by watching Sesame Street. I learned the retail value of everything by watching The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune with my German grandmother. I learned about interpersonal relationship and drama by watching All My Children and The Young and the Restless [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 03-Jul-08 | 77 comments
  42. what i’ve done in the last fifteen years…(sadly, David Beckham isn’t one of ‘em)
    okay…here’s a question for all of you. how the fuck do you even pronounce the word ‘meme’?? is it meem? or meemee? or maymay? anyway, i got tagged for one by the lovely, lovely, lovely Kristin (that’s Kristin with two “i”s) over at Camels & Chocolate.  i clicked over to her site after noticing a comment she [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 01-Jul-08 | 42 comments
  43. swiper no swiping, ali is naked, and the mouths of babes
    there are days that start perfectly. the kids are not total loons. i can get myself dressed and ready to go on time. there’s gas in the car. money on my timcard. no line-up at tim hortons….and these days happen, oh, about once every 3 years. most of my mornings are like the one i [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen, the toddler | 27-Jun-08 | 29 comments
  44. pocketables and robot musicals
    yesterday i had the pleasure of interviewing the highly pocketable Bruce McDonald, director of many things, but notably of the soon-to-be-released Ellen Page movie, The Tracey Fragments. come on, look at him, don’t you just want to scoop both him and Ellen Page up into your pocket and take them home and cook them dinner? [...]
    Filed in the fame, the girl behind the screen | 25-Jun-08 | 41 comments
  45. the joiner, the myspace, and the suckers!
    look at me, quite the little joiner (what movie? anyone? free candy to the first person who guesses.) but seriously, look at me. not only am i using a hula hoop.. AT WORK…but somehow i agreed to be a team captain for our second annual third floor bbq and games jamboree (still probably not the official [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Jobs, the girl behind the screen | 17-Jun-08 | 34 comments
  46. just call me Rudolph
    having best friends with a pool is amazing. especially when summer weather FINALLY hits us (love. i love love love love the heat. love it. 90. 95. 100. 105. bring it. i bask in it. seriously.) so, we went over this weekend all prepped and ready for a day at the pool. 5 suits. 5 [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 09-Jun-08 | 29 comments
  47. necessities. or something.
    i need this. oooh…purty. (i bet you thought it was going to be something a little less gadget-oriented, eh? well, clearly, you don’t know me. i’m a techno-gadget-needing freak. remember when i NEEDED an ipod touch? and a wii? and a new camera? and a new laptop? i can’t help it, i’m my father’s daughter…only i didn’t [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 04-Jun-08 | 49 comments
  48. the good news is that i don’t have gas
    as kids, my siblings and i spent a large majority of our time in the ER waiting room. As children of a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, if something was hurting, we were in emerg. and we were sure it was THE WORST. sore foot? it’s obviously broken. headache? brain tumor. rash? lyme disease. neck pain? meningitis. i’ve got the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 03-Jun-08 | 24 comments
  49. grab your crackers. there’s cheese ahead
    way back when Ali was a wee lass (yes, i realize i am still kinda sorta of the wee lass persuasion) … back when i was littleali. when i looked like this… well, way back then, i went to private school. like my kids do. jewish day school. like my kids do. and when i was [...]
    Filed in The Friends, the girl behind the screen | 02-Jun-08 | 25 comments
  50. things that only happen to ali…and LOST!!!!
    so..on wednesday, as i drove home from work to pick up my baseball glove that i’d forgotten at home and then as i got on the highway only to find, not one, but two accidents on the small stretch of highway i was on that made me late for my game…i got to thinking…these are [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 30-May-08 | 27 comments
  51. my worst break-up ever…
    come and visit me over at Fussypants today. She up and went and had herself a fifth baby boy….and was crazy enough to ask me to hold down the fort today. i’m over there talking about my worst break-up ever. i’ll give you one hint… also…i’m about to get random on you…but, seriously, what the hell are [...]
    Filed in The Snark, the girl behind the screen | 28-May-08 | 12 comments
  52. letters. because i can. it’s my birthday.
    Dear Josh, you get the points for the most creative birthday card ever. and thanks for hoping i have a good life. not seeing it? love, mama Dear karma, irony, and/or murphy’s law, just because i said i refuse to grow up and i still feel like a teenager (and i still check out the boys in the schoolyard), you didn’t [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 22-May-08 | 37 comments
  53. the expandable fork of doom returns…and why i might actually *like* my 30s
    my stepmom is likely the world’s most friendly and outgoing person. she talks to everyone, everywhere. i remember when i was 12 and we were in myrtle beach. she walked right over to these two pre-teen hooligan types (i really just wanted to use the word hooligan, because, clearly, it’s not used enough), grabbed the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 16-May-08 | 34 comments
  54. Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair
    i used to have this hairdresser therapist Jodi. i loved her. from the start of the foil to the end of the ironing, we would talk. about our lives. our men. my husband. her nasty divorce. my ever-expanding brood, her little boy. she was my therapy back then…was way back before i had all of [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 14-May-08 | 49 comments
  55. signs, signs, everywhere a sign…**
    sign that i need a new car: someone fucking swiped the H symbol off the back of my civic. what exactly does one do with such a treasure? hmm? are these a hot commodity? the least they could have done was gone into the car and stolen my ipod that i’d left in there…or my baseball [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 13-May-08 | 56 comments
  56. why i REALLY need to move…and my mother’s day gifts?
    i’m in big trouble. i have a mall, like, literally across the street from my house. i swear. it’s actually faster to walk there than to drive there. it’s thisclose. usually, it’s great. i meet Tova there for coffee after work every monday. it has a great children’s resource center where my nanny takes Isabella [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 12-May-08 | 23 comments
  57. some words of wisdom and a very important question
    advice of the day, from Ali: never, ever, give up your immunity necklace. yes, i would be talking to you…Erik aka the dumbest survivor ever. also? dude with the dumbest hair. advice of the day, from Isabella: we don’t touch our bum-bum, and we don’t eat poo. even if there’s corn. words of wisdom today, folks. words. [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 09-May-08 | 41 comments
  58. toe pick, jerk alert and other things i picked up along the way…
    i’ve mentioned before that i’m the product of four uber-hardworking parents. because of this i was one of those tv-as-babysitter kids. i learned, from a very early age, who was who in Genoa City, because my grandfather and i would watch Y&R together. i knew the price of fabric softener and bleach from watching the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 02-May-08 | 49 comments
  59. be afraid. be very afraid.
    I have an irrational fear of being bald. My maternal grandmother always had very little hair…but that was from spending years in Auschwitz. My mom has hair. Hell, even my Dad has hair (although, strangely, no leg hair. it’s a mystery that my sister and i have always tried to figure out. was he a [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 01-May-08 | 47 comments
  60. an oddity…and a clarification (aka I HEART CANADA)
    the strangest thing i have ever seen: 9pm. in our neighborhood. a couple, likely in their 60’s. sitting on lawn chairs. inside their open garage. in the dark. watching TV. possibly Oprah. what? what? what? i don’t understand. at first i thought teenagers..smoking pot possibly? but alas. no. these were grown adults. smoking nothing. but also…who hooks up [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 28-Apr-08 | 38 comments
  61. when ali cracks, she buys shoes.
    This afternoon, on my way home from work, I will be making a very important stop. Unlike most Jewish women, who will be stopping at the grocery store to brave the crowds and do some last minute Passover food shopping, i will be somewhere else. i will be at a shoe store, treating myself to [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen | 18-Apr-08 | 38 comments
  62. blissfully happy
    just had my first cup of coffee today. it’s 6:23 pm. it was liquid heaven. it was also another “please play again” damn you, Tim Horton’s! i am now dancing around my room and singing to “Blister in the Sun” all Angela Chase style, only with less flaming red hair and gigantic shirts. maybe. because that’s [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 15-Apr-08 | 40 comments
  63. things i have learned this week…
    …sometimes i act all lemming-ish. since i wasn’t the first one to do this. she did it. so did she. and her too. …it helps to buy and have an umbrella before the torrential rainstorm.  (i’m. so. wet. right. now.) …i cannot say no. …the first signs of spring are wonderful for the soul, but terrible for the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 11-Apr-08 | 29 comments
  64. obsess much?!
    i need this t-shirt. yes, i’m one of those.  one of those people who likes to tell you that she’s been listening/watching/wearing something before it was popular. Entourage. Heroes. Doc Martens. Guitar Hero.  Abercrombie and Fitch (i shopped there in high school – in the 90s when BIG BIG sweaters were in style and they [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 10-Apr-08 | 32 comments
  65. fish don’t fry in the kitchen; beans don’t burn on the grill
    i want to move. i’m fairly certain this is some sort of genetic defect. i am not the only one. i know plenty of people women who suffer from this. constantwantingtomoveosis. or there’s also the equally as debilitating, constantwantingtorenovateosis. i don’t want to renovate. i want to move. when we bought our house, we got a [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 09-Apr-08 | 26 comments
  66. payback! and some hidden talents! and a rarity!
    Remember when i went to St. Lucia? and remember when i told you that it was a great vacation but the service was so bad it was almost comical? and remember when i told you that Ilana was on the case?? well, lookie what showed up yesterday…. Our apologies are reiterated for any unhappiness experienced by you [...]
    Filed in The Family, The Friends, the girl behind the screen | 08-Apr-08 | 21 comments
  67. “you are so tight” has a completely new meaning
    i can’t remember the last time i had homework. sure, i often take work home with me. and sometimes i have things to do, like read my sexy exy book…A Certain Slant of Light (which i plowed through, by the way, such a great read). and most nights i spend hours time helping Emily with [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 01-Apr-08 | 12 comments
  68. nutshelling
     my weekend started very much like this… and ended kinda sorta all fat guy in a little coat-like… (we aren’t going to talk about how many of these i ate. but, the number is more than my daughter is old. my oldest daughter. the shame.) while i spent 2 full days on a white sugar and white flour [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 31-Mar-08 | 31 comments
  69. the big sleep
    i sleep with my left eye slighty open. yes, it’s true. i’m a freak. and, apparently, a freak that has passed down her genetic gifts to her lovely daughter. (while Isabella fell asleep on our bed on Sunday morning, her father and i pointed and photographed her left eye that was. slightly. open.) i couldn’t pass on [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen | 28-Mar-08 | 56 comments
  70. more ali answers than you can stake a shick at
    the only person who will get that Tigger Movie reference is my 2-year-old. (can you tell i haven’t had coffee yet today?) well, here it is, the final installment of everything-you-wanted-to- know-about-ali-that-she-forced-you-to-ask. (i know, i know, it’s enough already…) Holly said: okay…. I haven’t searched through all of your archives, but how did you come upon interviewing celebs? well, [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 24-Mar-08 | 16 comments
  71. “i’m no stranger to heartbreak…”**
    i should have known that when i opened up the floor for questioning, that someone would ask this. SciFi Dad said: Quid pro quo. What’s your most embarrassing story that you’re willing to share? it’s my own fault.  i asked him the VERY same question. embarrassment and i are like peas and carrots. best friends. Two stories in particular [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 20-Mar-08 | 25 comments
  72. i’ve got answers…and a mug shot
    wow. you guys have blown me away…and have given me at least a week’s worth of things to write about. I will probably start with the easy ones first…like Ambrosiality’s and and Pampered Bunz’s and Aimee Greeblemonkey’s question of why I want a Nikon SLR and not a Canon. The answer to this is simple. [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 19-Mar-08 | 23 comments
  73. what’s black and white and furry all over??
    a bumblebee and a Remy at a carnival. that was my question of the day…now let’s open up the floor to all of you. ask me anything. well, anything other than why the first image is so blurry…because then you might get a long-winded answer about how i am desperately seeking a Nikon D80…and my dad had [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 18-Mar-08 | 35 comments
  74. ali secret #421
    dude. last night i went to sleep at 8:15. i made it through the australian and the dread guy on American Idol and completely passed out. between the carpools (2) the playdate pickups (2) the after-school activity drop-offs (1) and pick-ups (2) i’m WIPED. i feel like a taxi driver, only i’m not getting paid. [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen, the trips | 27-Feb-08 | 35 comments
  75. THE ps. a pps. and a ppps.
    it’s a big ps. so big that it deserved its own post. on the way home from Laguardia i was seated in seat 18A. not exactly significant. it was a window. seated in 18B was a stranger. but seated in 18C was someone i know. and someone who knows me very intimately. my. fucking. gynecologist. i swear [...]
    Filed in the bloggers, the girl behind the screen, the trips | 26-Feb-08 | 23 comments
  76. dancing nannies and happy mommies
    maybe my nanny Haydee always sings and dances when she makes her coffee in the morning. maybe. or maybe she’s just happy that JLo and Marc Anthony finally had those babies and we can stop hearing that she’s been in labor every single day for the last month. or maybe she’s happy that it’s snowing in Toronto. for [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 22-Feb-08 | 32 comments
  77. 1.5 weeks…
    Last night, i came home with two bikinis and a tankini top. i’m still in shock this morning. you see, bathing suit shopping and i don’t mix. at all. because i LOVE to shop…i HATE to try on. stores with good return policies and i go together like chocolate and peanut butter. (mmm…chocolate and peanut butter…) i pick [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 20-Feb-08 | 31 comments
  78. how ali celebrates
    We at casa de martell are not big on the valentine’s day. well, maybe it’s just ali who isn’t big on valentine’s day. (although i did get TWO free coffees yesterday. was it buy-a-wee-girl-a-coffee day…or was it in honor of v-day? + = happy Ali Some man at Tim Horton’s paid for my coffee and the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 15-Feb-08 | 26 comments
  79. help me…and i will reward you with treats
    when you live in a place where every day from December until March (or April…or May) looks like this… (ps. are you dying from josh’s mask?? we FORCED him to wear it because he freaks out from the wind when we – and when i say ‘we’ what i really mean is ‘their father’ took them [...]
    Filed in The Other Blog, the fashion, the girl behind the screen | 04-Jan-08 | 59 comments
  80. strange things are afoot at the circle k
    stranger than Tara Reid’s alien stomach… (although rumor has it, her scary, scary punchy belly is gone…along with everything except her scary, scary boobs) stranger than Chinese nurses wearing dresses made of condoms to promote safe sex... (yeah, because that makes all kinds of sense.) stranger than anything Britney Spears has done in the last two years… …i downloaded [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 04-Dec-07 | 30 comments
  81. flying my freak flag
    like mother, like daughter. we both have this nasty little habit of dropping our drawers and just leaving them wherever we’ve declothed. it’s a terrible habit, i know. especially since i dress and undress more often than a normal human being should. At least three times in the morning before work. and at least once when [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 20-Nov-07 | 23 comments
  82. a gift and a secret…
    this post will most definitely NOT be able to top Friday’s, so if you haven’t had a chance to read my lovely interview, i’m once again wallowing in the shameless self promotion and asking you to check it out over here on Fabulous. (fuck it, it’s my site and i like to wallow. it works [...]
    Filed in The Celebs, the girl behind the screen | 19-Nov-07 | 9 comments
  83. some bits until the real bits go LIVE
    i know you are all here looking for some details on how my interview went. You’ll have to come on over to Fabulous for the full review. and the photos! and the videos! and the details on Urbanmoms.ca’s fabulous Hairspray giveaway! I’ll leave you with a few little bits and pieces…because it may be a little [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 16-Nov-07 | 10 comments
  84. where.abouts.
    where will you be this evening?? because i know where i’ll be…(after my parent-teacher conference, of course):  + that, dear friends, is some wii perfection right there… where will you be this weekend? because i know where i’ll be… that, dear friends is from Comfortably Numb…Canada’s Pink Floyd show. where will you be in March? because i know where i’ll be… and that, [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 14-Nov-07 | 24 comments
  85. audience participation mandatory
    i need your help. all of you. even those of you way in the back. i know you’re there. and no, you don’t have an option this time! (cue the Beatles music. “I want you. i want you sooo baaaad.”) you see, when i got called last week to see if i’d like to interview Adam Shankman [...]
    Filed in The Celebs, the girl behind the screen | 12-Nov-07 | 20 comments
  86. why i suffered through the entire first season of Alias
    do you have a type? the reason i ask is, well, i have a confession to make. one i’m certainly not proud of. you see, i loathe Drew Barrymore. not so much as a person (she might be just lovely…there i go again with the lovely…) but as an actress, because, well, for me, she’s right [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 07-Nov-07 | 30 comments
  87. mission:moberg and mission:accomplished
    Is Patrick Moberg’s attempt to find the girl of his dreams – the girl he shared a subway ride with – romantic? creepy? a little bit too much Lass Bass in On the Line-ish? what do you think? Personally, i think it’s awesome…and i’m kind of wishing that i wore a flower in my braided [...]
    Filed in The Snark, the girl behind the screen | 06-Nov-07 | 25 comments
  88. Hallowiener
    ever since i made this wee little promise…. (yes. i am. crazy.) i’ve been in denial about Halloween. the costumes (the candy!) the trick or treating (the candy!) the pumpkins (the candy!) but it’s here. and i’ve got the shakes. no husband (he’s conveniently out of town), no candy, and three candy-hungry rugrats. yes. the shakes. so…to get my [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 31-Oct-07 | 21 comments
  89. on OTs and OCs…and a little Timmy love
    So, Josh’s teacher, Mrs. Sussman, called last night to give me a little Josh update. These calls, the ones about Josh, make me so nervous. Last year, his teachers used to call to tell us they didn’t think he liked school. and that he wasn’t really absorbing what they hoped he would. and that he [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 30-Oct-07 | 37 comments
  90. new hair and new babies
    the husband keeps calling it farrah fawcett-like, but he’s totally wrong…because this is farrah: and this is my new hair: what? i see NO Farrah resemblance. yes, i finally let my hairdresser give me the side-swept bangs she’s been telling me to get for the past year. because they are all the rage, apparently. and you know what [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen | 29-Oct-07 | 64 comments
  91. “Alicia Martell, please go to front reception”
    had you been in my building yesterday at, i don’t know, say, 4:00, you would have heard this announcement. only i wasn’t. in the building, that is. i was at my kids’ school, picking up carpool. (well, picking up half my carpool…since the other half was sent home with lice. for the second time. are you [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 24-Oct-07 | 18 comments
  92. silver lining
    the best part about Isabella’s little “i paint” adventure. why yes, i AM a big fan of MAC. how did you ever know?? i’m actually not very good with make-up (or adventurous). I find the women at MAC to usually be very, erm, well, bitchy. and then i feel like a complete tool asking more than a few [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 17-Oct-07 | 29 comments
  93. oh no she didn’t
    what do these lovely (well, mostly lovely) ladies have in common?? and these oh yes….they are all wearing leggings. black leggings. much like the ones i bought for myself at American Eagle yesterday. y’all. i’m so not even kidding. i am still not even sure what i was thinking. i tried them on because the 14-year-old girl who was working at [...]
    Filed in The Snark, the girl behind the screen | 27-Sep-07 | 27 comments
  94. of storefronts and concerts
    my drive to work is roughly, um, 14 minutes, door to door. i know, how lucky am i?? It’s mostly highway, 407 (for those of you in the gta…you know it’s one of those highways that actually moves), and just a short stretch of road to get me to the highway. the only problem is…because [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 26-Sep-07 | 16 comments
  95. a white ass, some shields, and a preschooler
    i treated myself to a new pair of jeans recently. no, you do not need to adjust your screens. they are, in fact, GREY. so, not only am i a total sell-out and am all over those Abercrombie skinny jeans…but i’ve gone grey. and apparently, just like it was 2 decades ago, grey is the new blue. anyway, [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 11-Sep-07 | 20 comments
  96. meet my children…
    night and day. can you tell which one was excited to start school yesterday? are you at all surprised??? i apologize for the lack of a Thursday Thirteen this week. i think there was a little bit too much of this last night: and not enough of this: ah, i kid…but i was out late and wanted to post the [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen | 06-Sep-07 | 21 comments
  97. i’m awesome…and some sawyer love
    as a female, i’m an expert at telling you what i completely suck at, what i’m only fairly good at, and what i wish i could be better at. i really wish i was a better photographer. i wish i had taken a course and learned how to really use a camera and get the most [...]
    Filed in The Celebs, the girl behind the screen | 31-Aug-07 | 51 comments
  98. today is wednesday. i know this now. :)
    long weekends always throw me off. for instance, did you know that yesterday was Tuesday? well, i didn’t know, until, erm, 3:10pm yesterday…after i had missed both of my Tuesday meetings. the good news is that no one seemed to notice that i missed the meetings. the bad news is that no one seemed to notice that i [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 08-Aug-07 | 20 comments
  99. who needs blogher???**
    …when your tailor buys you a snickers bar!! (“he felt the establishment owed him a snickers bar” what movie? anyone? anyone?) i bought some new jeans recently. for some reason, and i cannot for the life of me figure out why, none of my jeans were fitting. a closet full of 18 pairs…and not one that fits. so, [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 27-Jul-07 | 41 comments
  100. i dream of…..potter?
    it is a cruel, cruel trick of nature to give a girl with seemingly good taste a very hot, very sexy, very sweaty, very raunchy sex dream about everybody’s favorite wizard boy. shoot. me. now. it’s likely my fault, since when i sat down to watch the movie yesterday, my first thought was “when did Harry Potter [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 20-Jul-07 | 34 comments
  101. ah. it’s like heaven. only with added volume
    Getting my hair done. cut, colored, blown-dry, styled, what have you, has quickly become one of my most favorite things to do. Think about it. I get to sit down for 3 hours. there is no screaming, no whining, no “but moooooommmmmmy”. There are magazines – good ones too. US weekly and People and Vogue. There’s the head [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 18-Jul-07 | 17 comments
  102. we partied like it was 1999.
    most of you will not be shocked by this news. i have a lot of male friends. i always have. in high school, many of my closest friends were guys. perhaps it’s because i’m not a typical girly-girl. yes, i like to shop for hours and i enjoy celebrity gossip and i like to bake, but [...]
    Filed in The Friends, the girl behind the screen | 16-Jul-07 | 19 comments
  103. i have nice boobs
    really, i do. (hey, you in back. quit laughing already. it’s tacky.) i mean, sure, they aren’t super perky like my sister’s or gigantanormous like some of my friends, but they are nice. especially considering they served as a wet bar for a total of 17 months to three different children and considering they yo-yoed in size [...]
    Filed in the bloggers, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 04-Jul-07 | 25 comments
  104. #4 and #5 answered…
    …because this is taking way too long and you are probably all already bored with this little game. shut up, y’all loved it when i first introduced it, 48 years ago. and if my camera wasn’t fucking broken, i’d have lots of pictures from my trip to show you instead. like my brand spanking new [...]
    Filed in The Meme, the girl behind the screen | 03-Jul-07 | 9 comments
  105. #3 answered, a nanny update, and a giggly girls night
    way back last week, before my nanny quit and life got flipped turned upside-down, i told you some things that may or may not be true. and i still owe you some answers. 3. i cannot sleep in socks. or with a blanket. or even with a pillow. and i can only sleep in a tanktop [...]
    Filed in The Other Blog, the bloggers, the girl behind the screen | 27-Jun-07 | 24 comments
  106. #2 answered. and a tap-dancing showgirl….we should have named her Lola.
    2. my favorite food of all time is Indian. I almost always choose it over anything. this one is FALSE. i’m pretty picky in general when it comes to food…but i can pretty much find something to eat anywhere. anywhere, that is, at long as it’s not an Indian Restaurant. Did you see Along Came Polly? when [...]
    Filed in The Girl, the girl behind the screen | 22-Jun-07 | 18 comments
  107. 8 random facts about me…that may or may not be true…
    i was tagged by the smokin’ hot sam over at temporarily me to do the 8 random things about me meme. But, since i’ve already done the 6 weird things one, i decided to steal borrow an idea from Vodkarella, formerly of Troll Baby (and, ps, she’s equally smokin hot). so, i now present you with [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 20-Jun-07 | 28 comments
  108. the romance just about kills me…
    me, lying on the bed, half-asleep: babe, i don’t think i can have sex tonight. him: not even if i turn on that movie you like? me: okay fine. let’s go. you are now left wondering two things…a) what movie was it? School of Cock? Shaving Ryan’s Privates? Gangbangs of New York? Pulp Friction? Breast Side Story? (i could [...]
    Filed in The Jobs, the girl behind the screen | 19-Jun-07 | 15 comments
  109. Ali is a dumbass
    yesterday i took my girls to Canada’s Wonderland. all by myself. for the entire day. i know, brave, right? It was actually really nice. the weather was great, the girls were great, each one had one mental breakdown…Isabella’s was because she was tired and Emily’s was because she was Emily. but once that was over, the three [...]
    Filed in The Family, the girl behind the screen | 11-Jun-07 | 15 comments
  110. High School Musical
    as usual, i’m the last to know….apparently, the parent bloggers network is looking for tales from the school cafeteria. i couldn’t figure out why so many of my favorite bloggers were all in sync yesterday. yes, i am that slow. and illiterate, apparently. i have no qualms about being late to the party… when i think [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 07-Jun-07 | 12 comments
  111. Britney Spears bible stories…AND my daughter, cleaning lady extraordinaire
    overheard at my house: Josh: Daddy, Britney Spears died. Husband: No, she didn’t, Josh. Josh: oh right, that was Moses (yes, that Moses. from the bible. because the two are so easily confused) not only did i finish watching High School Musical long after the girl had gone to bed…but i then preceeded to watch the making of and [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen, the mouths of babes | 06-Jun-07 | 20 comments
  112. empowered
    Sometimes being a mom sucks. (come on, insert your nod in agreement here. or your how-could-she gasp.) you see, i’m a mommyblogger. and because i am one, i am able to tell the truth. those ugly little truths that people don’t talk about at mommy-and-me classes or in the park or at Starbucks. 6, 5, even 4 years [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 04-Jun-07 | 44 comments
  113. “you’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do”
    what i tell people is that i’m a wee bit of a hypochondriac. what i am, actually, is fucking bat-shit crazy. stomach ache? ulcer. arm hurts? heart attack. headache? brain tumor. lower abdominal pain? ectopic pregnancy. rash? lupus. stiff neck? meningitis fingers hurting? arthritis. so, as soon as i started having problems with my eyes again…i immediately thought the worst. eye cancer. i’m dying. well…the [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 31-May-07 | 24 comments
  114. leverage
    today is my birthday. the big 2-9. my mom called last night to wish me a happy birthday early, which, at first i thought was kinda rude…since she went on and on and on about how she couldn’t call me because she was going to be in meetings all day on my actual birthday…but then i [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 22-May-07 | 40 comments
  115. i may run like hayes…but i hit like shit…
    i was all set to hit publish on the thursday thirteen that i worked really hard on last night while i almost died of heat exhaustion. (can someone tell my husband that it’s time to turn on the air conditioning? we all have things that we do because our parents do them. try as we might [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 10-May-07 | 21 comments
  116. a true confession and a contest
    my husband makes fun of many things that i do. the way i throw my entire head back to swallow one little pill. the way i leave every light in the house on, all the time. the way i lay down in bed at 8:00pm at night and can fall asleep for the night, mid-sentence. and [...]
    Filed in The Husband, the girl behind the screen | 09-May-07 | 47 comments
  117. naked ali
    first i saw it over at flip-flop’s, then over at fina’drea’s and then over at Beck’s. it seems that i’m a little late to the game. it’s spreading like Lindsay Lohan’s legs. Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing is giving all of us bloggers the challenge of all challenges. posting a photo of ourselves…without makeup. this is a great [...]
    Filed in The Reality TV, the girl behind the screen | 02-May-07 | 32 comments
  118. not unless she is actually delivering the baby…
    recently, i bumped into a friend that i hadn’t seen in ages. probably, guessing by the size of her stomach, roughly 6 or 7 months. while staring straight at her belly, the first thing out of my mouth, because i’m ever-so-classy was: “Wow. apparently, i haven’t seen you in ages!” *crickets* *crickets* oh, fuck. red alert! not pregnant! not pregnant! i had [...]
    Filed in The Other Blog, the girl behind the screen | 01-May-07 | 18 comments
  119. WWYD?
    you get up. you walk into the bathroom. you reach for your contact case. and then you see it…sitting right beside your contact case…is your contact…well, the raisin version. all shriveled and pruny and dried up. clearly, it had spent the night dehydrating on the coutertop instead of swimming in the solution pool. so, panicking realizing that [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 27-Apr-07 | 30 comments
  120. true ali confessions
    have you seen this site?? go on, get. i’ll wait. hum de dum. it’s kind of a little bit postsecret, a little bit her bad mother’s basement it’s fantastic. i even left a little confession on it. shh. don’t tell. i figured i’d share some wife confessions of my own..at least the ones i’m willing to share.     i [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 18-Apr-07 | 28 comments
  121. a hypothetical
    let’s just say for the sake of saying that you know someone who kinda sorta maybe has some eating issues. and this person who you know is afraid of certain foods…that they might…you know poison her or give her salmonella or botulism (although i think this is for babies, right? from honey? come on…we all saw [...]
    Filed in The Reality TV, the girl behind the screen | 11-Apr-07 | 20 comments
  122. every girl needs new shoes
    i’m a total girl scout. (also, a rock star. i was in the National Post on saturday oh yes..that’s me…in the paper…right next to miss erica ehm herself.) i’m always prepared. i’ve had so much to blog about all week. but between the holidays and everyone stealing my computer access from me. yeah…like other peoples’ work was more [...]
    Filed in The Baby, the girl behind the screen | 09-Apr-07 | 19 comments
  123. i wonder if anyone would hold Renee’s thong…
    i will NEVER be a model. This really should come as no surprise to any of you. And if Renee says that there will never be a plus-sized model on the cover of Vogue (bee-otch), there sure as hell won’t be a pint-sized Jewish one with a pooch either. No, i will never be a model. But, [...]
    Filed in The Other Blog, the girl behind the screen | 29-Mar-07 | 18 comments
  124. i will never again ask for “The Rachel”
    i suffer from severe panic attacks before getting my hair cut. i’m so not even kidding. i’ve had too many horrific experiences where i was crying before even leaving the salon. Too many experiences asking for Rachel’s season 4 long layers only to end up with her season 1 shag. Too many experiences asking for [...]
    Filed in the girl behind the screen | 27-Mar-07 | 40 comments
  125. This is a story about a girl named lucky…
    so, just this week i devoted an entire post to telling you just how unlucky i am. i never win anything. i can’t even roll up the rim and win at Tim Hortons. i can’t even win a stinkin’ coffee. (note: not my fingers. i do not wear thumb rings. as if.) BUT…i won! i won! i [...]
    Filed in The Reality TV, the girl behind the screen | 09-Mar-07 | 30 comments