so, go there. now!

while you’re over there trying to figure out what the hell this is:

i’ll be over here trying to gather up $38.70 in exact cash currency. because that’s how much i have to pay for my department holiday lunch today. (i so wish i was kidding) and that doesn’t even include the $20 kris kringle gift i had to buy (and because i’m lazy and don’t care enough, the lucky person will be getting a $20 Old Navy gift card. watch me get a Celine Dion cd in return. just. my. luck.)

I know what you’re thinking…who has to PAY for their department holiday lunch…AND why couldn’t we pay with a check…AND who the hells carries around exactly $38.70 in cash?? i actually had to go to Tim Hortons today and pay with a strange amount of money to get the change i wanted in return. the server thought i was a loon…but little does she know that i’m the sane one…and it’s my department that’s loony.

so, enough about me…go check in on your favorite tv shows and your favorite stars.  

yes, i’m moving on to a brand spanking new home on urbanmoms.ca…. Juice: Entertainment News with Extra Pulp – please come on by and say hi. from now on you’ll be able to catch my friday smackdown over there!! There will be lots of other entertainment-y goodness over there, both snarky and nice…from celebrity interviews to what boots to wear with what pants. I’m excited about this new adventure, i hope you are too!

who watched:

Survivor – Todd pulls a johnny fairplay, maybe, possibly. i heart Denise…and even though it made for a boring vote, she made the right decision. she was better off not forcing the tie. This was the first week i *liked* PG…her all weepy after the IC win was great.
Grey’s Anatomy - i *hate* Alex…it’s like he’s figured that if he’s up front about being an asshole, it’s okay. honey, it’s. not. okay. boo. i actually liked Rose until she kissed Mcdouchebag last night. much Cristina love, as always – bringing Lexie home, the dancing (Dance Party!), smacking down Bailey! and Bailey…oh, who was this woman tonight? it wasn’t MY Bailey.
30 Rock – i couldn’t possibly pick a favorite moment…it was all TOO good. “I hate the word lovers unless it’s between ‘meat’ and ‘pizza’” – i don’t think i could love Lemon any more than i do right now…she tapes her bra together! she eats three musketeers for breakfast!, Tracy’s mug – #4 dad! and Jack…”this company has a strict bros before hos policy” love love love.
Gossip Girl – is it wrong of me to think that Blair and Chuck together are HAWT? BlairBear?? this is only one bear on tv, and that’s ClareBear on Heroes. Lily is officially a rockstar. love her speech to Dan. hahaha. Serena wants to bed? bang? as many billionaires as possible!!
America’s Next Top Model – the great wall of boredom. the only thing remotely entertaining was the ‘swan song’ discussion. and when Twiggy called Bianca, ‘bee-anchor’ – i swear, i watched that part 4 times. also…Nigel totally wants Chantal “why can’t you look at ME like that??!” RAWR!

InTouch is claiming that JR Rotem confirmed that yes, she’s pregnant and yes, it’s his

In Touch: They are saying Britney’s pregnant and you’re the father.
JR Rotem: It’s true.
In Touch: Ok awesome, do u think Britney will keep it? She’s already talking about it to people.
JR Rotem: No clue on what she will do. She is unpredictable.

I’m pretty sure i think this is total crap. but, then again, it’s Britney we’re talking about. Britney, the girl who apparently stripped at the Hustler porn shop in West Hollywood this week and then stole a wig. come on, anything is possible.

kind of like with them. could somebody PLEASE tell her to stop wearing the heels? she looks like she could devour him in one bite.

what do you think of the new hairdo? Saleisha much?

ouch.

um, yeah, so talking about ouch, can we talk about Alabama Gypsy Rose for a second?? who, you ask? porn star perhaps?

alas, but no, she’s Drea de Matteo’s new baby girl. Alabama. Gypsy. Rose. and no, that’s NOT a joke.

okay, how about this here ouch??

anyone want to take a stab?? I’ll give you a wee hint. she just got engaged this week….

(just to clear something up, people. i don’t think JLH is fat. at all. i’m sure she’s thinner than i. I just think a person should have the good sense to cover up her less desirable bits. If she had chosen a suit bottom in a size or two bigger, she’d probably look great)

who watched:

The Amazing Race: I so loved Jennifer being all whiny and wah! you should give us a turn to win something and then Hendekea shot her a very telling UM, yes, except for the fact that this here is a RACE. i heart Vyxsin. she’s lovely. and the blondes name their chicken Phil! awesome! my love for Phil…with his “no chicken, no check-in”

House: i love House. and i knew he’d get himself his three. he’s quite clever that Gregory. can’t say i’m sorry to see the bitch go, but couldn’t he had kept Big Love over Taub??!! i miss him already. best line? “The B-side is worse”

Survivor: James is gone! James is gone because James is a smug idiot. use the idol, luke! i’m sad to see him go, because i think he was a GREAT player and he was highly entertaining….but this was one of the best tribal councils. ever. If Amanda can swing a Todd-voted-off victory next week, she might be in my top 5 survivor contestants (certainly in my top 13…hmm….) best moment of the night: “Is there anybody who reasonably expects that they will not be going home?” pause. and Eric raises his hand, sheepishly.

30 Rock: I’m so gay for Jamie. mmmm. hahah. you can’t be gay for one person. unless you’re a lady and you meet ellen! (ah, poor poor Anne Heche) this was 30Rock at its finest. exclamation point haha period. “Dijonnaise is a boy’s name?” Duran Duran reference! awesome!

new post up on Fabulous. we are discussing this book

 

and the Halton Catholic school board’s decision to pull the book from its libraries shelves. come on over and give your $.02

(while i’m on the topic of morning coffee, Kath seemed disraught that i drank Tim Horton’s every morning. I love me some Tim’s. also, i love me some marriage, and if i got a latte every morning, i’d be bankrupt and then i’d be divorced. so, i decided that once a week, on friday mornings, i’d splurge the $4 and get myself my latte.)

but alas, i’m late. so no starbucks. boo. also, no gas, so i’m even later because i had to fill up the civic.

which could-be couple weirds you out the most??

Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen

or

Matthew Perry and Mandy Moore

or

Owen Wilson and Jessica Simpson

which celebrity baby is cuter??

Suri Cruise

or

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

which hairstyle is more disturbing?

Tom Cruise with perm

or

Christina Ricci with um, what do we call this exactly?

anyone know who this former child star might be??

who watched:

Grey’s Anatomy? You’ll have to ask Dr. Torres, but if you asked me i’d tell you that i loved this episode. Shonda continues to rock…..by mocking the whole Gizzie lack-of-sexual-chemistry thing. finally. (and thank you thank you thank you for NOT making us watch the attempts, as unsuccesful as they were…) I can’t decide if i love Hahn or i hate her. and Bailey! Bailey! hooray for Bailey! i think i liked Lexi for the first time tonight…when she rambled about her 5 things. also now that she has daddy issues.

Survivor? Eric is a total tool – why did he tell J-R? oh, i will not be sorry to see Jean Robert and his lovely little poker metaphors leaving us. but, i’m pretty sure James just sealed his fate as the winner of Survivor: China. Courtney with her “i don’t give a crap who goes” rant? was she on drugs? but she did have the best line of the night: ”He’s like the Susan Lucci of Survivor. His name always comes up in tribal council, but he never wins”

America’s Next Top Model? i have little to say this week other than i don’t even need to see Tyra Banks in a body stocking again. thanks.

House? the ringtone! love! best exchange…”i know how to kill a man with my thumb.” “Who doesn’t?” i totally didn’t see the psycho twist coming…awesome. and please, please, please don’t let michael michele ruin my house (the show and the Greg) bwah…a postition open…on his penis…

due to the recent wii-like purchase, many of my favorite shows are still sitting on my pvr, waiting for me to watch….Heroes, Prison Break, Friday Night Lights. and due to a recent pvr-like incident, i haven’t watched Scrubs, 30Rock or The Office. My pvr decided to take it upon itself to NOT record the shows i’d requested. (so i had to reset it to tape them later…god bless time-shifting)

My PVR and i are in a fight.

Come and check out my Hot Topic Friday on Fabulous. It’s about my most favorite time of day (which seems to be everyone else’s least favorite….)

2007:

2006:

dude, i totally deserve a medal or something. (and next year, i swear, i’ll get them some real costumes)

who watched:

Survivor: Fantastic! funniest. tribal. council. ever!!! hahahaha. Jeff explaining to Jaime how the idol worked…and then shutting her “not as dumb as she looks” ass down. and then he threw it into the fire. priceless. hnoey, nobody could look that dumb. James makes me smile, especially when he says “one of those immunization things”

Grey’s Anatomy: “Did you only shave one of your legs?” Thank you Shonda for NOT making us watch the sex. What on earth is wrong with Alex? he’s low, sure, but that was unacceptable. Hahn makes me squee – “are you two a couple?”and “pretty and prettier” and the Monopoly! Meredith needs a better shrink than Cristina. seriously.

Heroes: Too much Claire. Too much Hiro. Too much Maya and her dead eyes and whiny little brother. boo. Monica is my new girl-crush; she’s totally badass with her ipod. and Mohinder was a total badass too. love when he has balls.

House: “Is your name 13?” House + Foreman makes me VERY happy. but damnit, i hate the by-weeks when no one gets voted off. Wilson got the best lines this week - ”If I told you, you’d pick up my laundry”. also, House and the “Michael Moore was right, fight the power” was perfect.

Friday Night Lights: I didn’t feel bad for Julie for a single second when the Swede broke her heart; she broke the Seracen’s. (but it was nice to see her finally see the swede for the greasy little skeeze he is) words cannot describe how much i enjoyed Matt’s grandma giving the play-by-play during the game. love. coach is back!! Jason/Tim karaoke was good times, friends.

Come stop by Fabulous today. It’s Josh’s birthday. He’s FIVE. and a master of the one-liner. come on over and see his greatest hits.

Guess who pulled a Britney?? attacking paparazzi with umbrellas is sooo 2006.

the conversation goes a little something like this…

Katie: “Tommy, did you forget your lifts again??”

Tom: “Slouch woman!! slouch, use that bad posture we talked about to make me look taller”

Katie: “Oh, and have you seen my boobs anywhere??? because they seem to have gone missing”

granted, i don’t prance around outside in really trashy, too-small-for-me bikinis….but Britney Spears and I have the same body. (well…except i’m pretty sure i have nicer boobs – or at least mine are in the right place) this, folks, is NOT fat. if we are going to mock the Brit Brit, can we talk about her parenting skills or her going-to-the-bathroom-without-shoes-on nastiness or the weave (the weave!!!) or her new album…and leave her poor body out of it??

is anyone else disturbed by this picture of Kingston Rossdale?? (also…the name just sounds weird like that…) but are those TIGHTS that this little boy is wearing? and he’s looking…well…just a little, erm, homeless?

who watched:

30 Rock? Jack’s Family Therapy Time (better than werewold bar mitzvah) Dy-No-Mite! “Don’t ever make me talk to a woman that old again” NEVER go with a hippie to a second location. loves Carrie Fisher and the star wars shout-out.

ANTM? man, i’m starting to think that Jenah’s dried hay make-over hair is actually worse than Saleishas. Tyra’s nothing is more unattractive than a quitter rant on ebony was so unprofessional. the girl wanted to quit….because she and her stink-face weren’t made for modelling. get over it, Tyra. i loved the cards hitting the floor during the winning commercial. slam. slam. slam. mmm. Tyson Beckford.

The Office? amazing episode! “Dunder Mifflin: Limitless Paper in a Paperless World.” hahahaha! break me off a piece of that fancy feast! Darryl and the keyboard! oh, D! Philly Jim. couP. Angela hates being titilated. Kevin’s kool-aid face!

Survivor? the food challenge is always my favorite and with the 1,000 year old eggs and the fetuses..it certainly didn’t disappoint. i love when Jeff is all “it’s mind over matter” when he stands and watches the gagging and the horking. this season is all about the head-game. i think i might actually be starting to like it! um, why is Courtney still on the show? why would you search for the immunity idol in front of everyone?? Todd – you tool!!

Grey’s Anatomy? McDreamy = McDouchbag. Meredith is trying. she’s trying. she even had closure with her bag-o-mommy. the boy who trick or treats for ears was FANTASTIC. and when he called Mark “Daddy” i almost lost it. loved Cristina/Callie. the mark and meredith exchange at the end was amazing. he does have a heart! Alex and Ava. boo. totaly uninteresting to me. also..does anyone else feel like we’d care a little bit more about George and Izzy’s relationship if there was an OUNCE of chemistry there???!!

new post up on Fabulous. where we discuss smells. the good and the bizarre…

oh, um, this woman is #1 on my husband’s list. yes, that list.

to be fair to him, when he chose her, she looked a little bit more like this:

what on earth has happened to Jenna Jameson?? When did she become so pointy-skinny and duck-like??

i’ll give him permission to take her off his list. along with Britney Spears, who used to be #2 (i think) back when she was more

and a little less

methinks it’s high time for a new list…

yikes!! i wonder what the claymates are thinking now??! i might put this on my desktop…just for the all-day laughs.

guess who’s in Toronto other than Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel??

spotted in Yorkville looking rather bald-y and furry. but still HOT. mmmmm…..

who watched:

Heroes? Gah! Papa Parkman is the man of Molly’s nightmares! i’m pretty sure that mattandmohinder are my most favorite things about this show. “you’re the scienist” “that doesn’t exactly make me an expert on nightmares.” ah, how ozzie and harriet. the wonder twins bore me. almost as much as superboy west does. zzzzzz….. best line word? “Golly….” loving the new orleans storyline. i can’t wait to see how it develops.

The Office? i didn’t think it could get worse than watching Pam angst. but Dwight’s? Office, you are killing me. ah…Dwight reading Harry Potter to Jim and Pam in their twin bed! Michael channeling his inner Meryl Streep! I love Italian food too. a lot! Darryl! Mose running next to the car (hilarious AND creepy)! The whomever fight! Check this out! 

Survivor? Jaime and PG, you are dead to me. i loathe people who throw challenges. i mean, sure, i get why they did it…but the execution? little heifers. i really wanted Eric to side with the boys. i’m officially on the James love train. apparently, James is on the Denise love train. hahahaha. i guess he loves mullets.

Grey’s Anatomy? McDreamy’s speech made me squee up until that end bit where he told her that he’ll wait for her until someone better comes along. charming. my heart is breaking for Callie O’Malley right now. oh, how i love Grandpa Gilmore and his ‘seriously’s. bambi needs to grow a pair for god’s sake. also…Derek’s protection of Lexie was strange and creepy. i hope she’s not the thing that comes along in his life…

Britney’s snatch is becoming more popular than “checking the poo” on Scrubs. yes, yes, we know that sometimes i go out commando. and i did, on one occasion flash an unsuspecting rabbi in the parking lot at the library. but i assure you, i AM a lady. i know how to close my legs. someone needs to teach Britney so we don’t have to bleed from our eyes when we see this. (NOT safe for work, folks)

Mary Kate Olsen scares me. i’m sure i will nightmares tonight.

so does this stroller:

who watched Heroes? anyone find the coupling of Mohinder Suresh and Matt Parkman to be the most interesting couple on this show? much more interesting than Clare and her Superboy wannabe…or certainly more interesting than Peter Petrelli and his Irish lady (because y’all? seriously? i won’t like anyone with my Peter…)

America’s Next Top Model? i heart makeover week. Bianca goes bald and looks stunningly beautiful. Saleisha goes “high fashion” which in Tyraspeak really means “tootie”  = =

  =

Bald Bianca = HOT

The Bachelor? Solisa wears her special parts on the outside. i think that means she has big labia.

Friday Night Lights? where to even start. i so heart this show. i heart everyone on the show. well, except for Mrs. Coach (who knew her name was Tami?) because she’s just annoying, really. Landry and “the Seracin”‘s conversation about WWRD…what would Riggins do….was perfection. because Riggins wouldn’t be worried about his girlfriend flirting the “the swede” (who, ps, looks no more swede than your truly) because Riggins is the captain of the SS Tatas. and boy is he ever…much to Lyla’s dismay. yes, she’s accepted Jesus Christ as her lord and savior…but she has not learned that YES, mothers of three CAN wear skinny jeans. damnit.

Survivor? boring. as. hell. except maybe Denise and the “delicatest” meal. the special effects?!!? what the hell? and Courtney needs a sandwich. i’m underwhelmed by everyone. i hope this season gets better.

Grey’s Anatomy? I heart Cristina the surgery stealer with all her fake sadness. also…she stole the show with her “what’s the matter? couldn’t find his LVAD wire?” line. badass. Bailey is a sock-rocker. love. she’s the best #2 ever. Alex. shit. i don’t know whether to hate him or to love him. sigh. i miss Addison.

The Office? That was weird…and almost painful to watch…however, i did enjoy the bouncing DVD opening. That’s so something that would happen at my office. I also did enjoy the club called Chatroom and the password that was actually “password”. and Michael calling Angela “booster seat” was pretty great too. oh, and Jim signing Meredith’s underwear cast.

okay…i’ve talked, on numerous occasions, how i’m incapable of doing a simple word verification…and you all probably think i’m insane…but here’s a question for you….while on urbanmoms today…i got smacked with this:

anyone want to take a stab? before i stab someone in the throat… surely there’s another way to prove i’m not a spambot or what have you…right? there must be!!

yes, yes, we love to hate Britney. or we hate to love her. or we are just plain scared of her these days. but, can we draw attention, for just a moment, to Britney’s left nipple?? and come someone please explain the logistics of this to me? how are Brit Brit’s nipples so contortion-y. i mean, dudes, it’s facing the floor. the floor!

in other surprising news, Tom Cruise is a lunatic. Even Katie Cruise thinks he’s a little bit too glib these days.

Well it seems that everyone’s favorite Elron Hubbard lover (yes, yes, i realize it is L. Ron. was trying to be funny. guess it backfired…) is planning to build a $10 million underground bunker at his Colorado mansion. The reason for this, of course, is in case the evil deposed galactic ruler ‘Xenu’ decides to attack earth.

i’m laughing so hard i’m jumping the couch.

 

 

what thinks you? nose job? yes? no? maybe?

okay, i finally figured it out.

the sugar daddy.

the over 50 crush. this really was NOT easy. coming up with ONE. most people say Harrison Ford. Richard Gere. Sean Connery. even Ed Harris (?) not me. they do nothing for me. nothing.

it should come as no surprise to you that this choice has an accent. i love me an accent….mmm….Ewan, Colin, Jude, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Damien Rice (he’s new to my boyfriends. mmm…) ah. *swoon*