Arch. Enemies. Like her, I cannot stand the phrase ‘pet peeve’ and it’s, if you will, a pet peeve of mine. I prefer to call them something else, like, say my arch enemies. They are the Cady Heron to my Regina George. The Johnny Lawrence to my Daniel Larusso. The Mama Fratelli to my entire Goonies team, [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 22-Jan-10 | 18 comments
Scavenger. So, yesterday, I was minding my own business, carrying out my very exciting day of running errands and cooking and cleaning and working (my life is ALL glamor, let me tell you.) and I was actually about ready to give you a kind of six-month review, to tell you how my life has changed in [...] Filed in The Husband, the Deep Thoughts | 14-Jan-10 | 163 comments
GOOD THINGS. Well, this past weekend was chock-full of all sorts of good things. And not really just good things. The kind of GOOD THINGS that need to be written in all-caps and that make your knees wobble just a little bit. And I’m going to ignore the fact that all three of my kids are home [...] Filed in Aiming Low, the Deep Thoughts, the things i like | 21-Dec-09 | 20 comments
You’re on Notice
1. Isabella, 4, for the crime of stealing two entire books of stamps and decorating her disney printables with first-class forever stamps. Who knew she’d be drawn to those stinkin’ bells. Liberty, my ass. Well, it’s a good thing I was able to devote the 18 minutes it took to carefully peel them of the [...] Filed in The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 10-Dec-09 | 17 comments
The DC Effect. There are things I know and just, well, forget. Like the nuts thing. I KNOW that I should only eat exactly 9 cashews or else I suffer the stomach pain of death for the rest of the day. But, hot damn, I really like cashews so while I’m eating them I simply forget my no-more-than-nine [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 04-Dec-09 | 18 comments
surprise! I used to easily be in the top ten worst travelers in the world. easily. I am naturally prone to anxiety (yeehaw!) and if you couple that with the stress of having the race through the airport and the whole “what if someone barfs on the plane” worry AND that whole, you know, we could, [...] Filed in The Family, the Deep Thoughts | 19-May-09 | 20 comments
not EXACTLY what I was going for… It finally happened.
THE whistle.
a post-work, 3-mile run through my neighborhood in my lululemon reverse grooves and my march for maddie t-shirt with my (rocky training montage) music blasting through my ipod. I was feeling good, there was life in me yet. I could have run a fourth mile, for sure. I stopped in front of [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the contests | 05-May-09 | 28 comments
…to see a man about some shoes the button on my beloved black patent leather Jessica Simpson (like you NEVER…) mary janes popped off while I was at the supermarket grabbing last minute passover essentials. and when i say essentials, i really mean black flats for Emily, a butterfinger bar, and a matching towel and potholder set that i totally didn’t need. [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 09-Apr-09 | 14 comments
obviously, i had to make one too… you guys all know Metalia, right? Well, not only is she a good friend online and in real life, but she’s a fellow member of the tribe and sends me hilarious things like Ashley Madison for Jews sites where unhappily married people like Shprintzagrl look for screwing partners who “have long curly peyos tucked behind [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 03-Apr-09 | 22 comments
help me help my feet and my boobs I’m slightly embarrassed to tell you about my history with exercising. it looks a little something like this…
ali joins a gym. ali gets all super excited about the gym and actually! goes! ali falls in love with the inner and outer thigh machines. ali even gets brave enough to try a hip-hop class. ali cannot [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 18-Feb-09 | 54 comments
an Ali PSA. #872 I hate making small talk.
actually, i take it back. I hate when people make small talk with me.
“How is [insert company name here]?”is like nails on a chalkboard for me.
really? i mean, really? are you REALLY asking me this question? i mean, come on, i don’t ask labor and delivery nurses how North York General [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 02-Feb-09 | 25 comments
and when i say awesome, i am actually being sarcastic you know what’s awesome? having the flu (not the stomach flu, thankyouverymuch for sparing me) and a fever and the aches and the pains and the sweats and the chills and a fucking remote that has dead batteries and your tv is stuck on CTS, family friendly television from the day before when you really [...] Filed in The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 15-Dec-08 | 26 comments
disturbed obviously, if you ever read this site, you know that there are copious amounts of things i find disturbing. like men in brown cords farting on me on the subway. and videos of anteaters who can’t get it up. and wet cat food. and the size of the transformer for my Chinese treadmill. so, of [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 23-Oct-08 | 58 comments
acting wontonly has nothing to do with eating Chinese food. who knew? well, the big Y-K is over and all i have to show for it is a post-fast coffee hangover.
(ps. don’t you think that FAST is possibly the most ludicrous name for NOT-EATING. there’s nothing god-damned FAST about it. they really need to call it a SLOOOOOOOW)
i do this to myself every year. the minute the [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 10-Oct-08 | 26 comments
dumped. dunked. and decluttered. i sure love being booted from the network first thing in the morning. *sigh* that’ll teach me from rushing to make it to work before 8, only to have had my pc dumped from the system. getting dumped before 9am…over the computer…makes me feel, erm, defeated. Even Ryan, my lovely white knight who saved the [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 08-Oct-08 | 34 comments
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde i can be a bitch.
i know. you are shocked right now, right? alas, it’s the truth. while the majority of the time i’m sweet like pumpkin pie, there are times where the mean ugly bee-otch needs to make an appearance. some might be kind and call it being feisty, or some might go as far [...] Filed in The Baby, The Girl, the Deep Thoughts, the girl behind the screen | 06-Oct-08 | 34 comments
silver linings. as always. and i’m awesome. as always. heh. it’s 6:17am and i’m sitting at my desk at work. in the fucking dark because hell if i know how to turn on the lights in here. 6:17? before this the earliest i’ve ever been in was, um, 7:58? but, really, truthfully, there’s no where else i’d rather be right now. (well, that’s a lie. [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the ranting | 02-Oct-08 | 52 comments
Dear Internets, Emily got a letter in the mail last week from a camp friend. a real letter!! i can’t remember the last time i got something in the mail that wasn’t a bill or a birthday party invitation for one of my children. i was actually jealous of this letter. it was handwritten on pink paper [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the old school ali | 18-Sep-08 | 33 comments
five things making me happy right this very second… 1. President’s Choice mini hummus packs.
i swear, between the invention of this AND my year-supply of crystal light singles, my lunch has been SAVED! (my lunch…because at another time we will discuss how my children are going to starve in their peanut-free, meat-free school since ALL my son eats is peanut butter and steak)
2. school [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 26-Aug-08 | 50 comments
2 conversations, 2 problems and one birthday princess i have this problem. i can’t leave anywhere. i’m sure i’ve spoken about this before. the husband and the kids do a lot of waiting around for me to finish talking. there’s just always something more to say. i can’t just be all “see ya” – it’s not my style. yesterday afternoon, i went to [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 18-Aug-08 | 50 comments
a story of my first time. and my last time. i have so much to tell you. this weekend, my bachelorette weekend, was great. it involved many, many, many hours of sleeping. and a manicure (that i didn’t have to be forced to get) and going to see The Dark Knight ALL BY MYSELF (ah..little Ali has grown up…) and much brownie batter (the brownies [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 11-Aug-08 | 52 comments
kosher for passover as a child of four extra hardworking parents, my siblings and i spent a lot of our childhood with nannies. or grandparents. so many of my memories…driving around town to find my brother the perfect pair of red and black fly skateboard shoes, sitting in the front of the tv watching Jessica McClure’s rescue from [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 21-Apr-08 | 25 comments
wimps…clibamas…and fingers in boxes safe and sound.
all in one piece.
alive and well.
unscathed.
at work.
Canadians sure are weenies. We live in a city where it snows. a lot. hell, it has pretty much snowed every single day since the beginning of December. It’s not like snow in Jerusalem. We should be prepared for winter storms. all it takes is a little [...] Filed in The Jobs, the Deep Thoughts | 06-Feb-08 | 29 comments
we both like josh duhamel AND mozzarella…CRAP aside from our desire for this dude
we both desire this one as well…
his name is mozzarella and he’s a total badass. i mean, come on, just look at it him. he’d totally kick Josh Duhamel’s ass in a fight. plus…he’s got a whole entourage…
Now, normally, i can’t stand Fergie. I find her obnoxious and annoying. [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 05-Feb-08 | 33 comments
a transformer, an interview, and a stack of books so, i’m working out again. well, i’ve always been doing the pilates (i hate you Mari Winsor and your v-sit position), but i took a short three month long hiatus from the treadmill. you see, i gave up my fancy, expensive gym membership to use the free gym at work. but carpools and a certain [...] Filed in The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 29-Jan-08 | 30 comments
the beach for the beach i came back from Atlanta after Chrismukah weighing 5 pounds less than i did the day i gave birth to my first-born. no, i’m not exaggerating. FIVE pounds. yeesh. so, i took the lard-ass by storm and gave up the cakesters
mmm…cakesters…
and headed to the beach.
mostly because in 6 weeks i’m heading to the other beach
and [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the fashion | 25-Jan-08 | 44 comments
throwing down with the LBC i lose hats. and gloves. and scarves. they get lost somewhere in the big black abyss. i blame this, of course, on our schizophrenic weather. i can leave the house in mitts and hat and coat and scarf and by the end of the day, it’s 60 degrees and my body needs to be stripped [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 24-Jan-08 | 28 comments
used by a nanny pimp…and some heartbreak Our phone is slightly possessed and gives us a little double ring when it’s a long distance or a telemarketing call. i appreciate this, actually. if it’s an area code i don’t recognize, i don’t pick up.
because i have issues. i can’t just hang up. and i can’t just jump in mid-scripted-shpiel and cut them [...] Filed in the CBA, the Deep Thoughts | 23-Jan-08 | 27 comments
Feed Me Seymour! It took me about 6 weeks to read The Other Boleyn Girl. I really, really loved it. i swear. i did. if you know me, you know that i, like my good friend Kath, love me some British royalty, especially Henry VIII…but he has to look like this Henry
and not like this Henry
because good god, [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 22-Jan-08 | 52 comments
pretty please with a man showing his privates on top…
Well, Chris Cactus and Aimee Greeblemonkey are in cahoots. Thanks to his mad organizational skillz and her mad designing skillz, i’ve been suckered into begging you to come out of the closet and delurk. i mean, not in a Tom Cruise/John Travolta southpark kinda way…not that there’s anything wrong with that…
leave me a comment today [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 10-Jan-08 | 112 comments
a laptop, some gingerbread mitts and some keepable resolutions…at least i think The day has finally come. laptop day. (y’all remember back in November when that infamous shitty blue screen of death combined with a husband who NEEDED to wait until boxing day left me laptopless?)
the first day of 2008 is ending in pure bliss. i’m lying in bed, watching one of the last episodes of season 4 [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 02-Jan-08 | 45 comments
let down by a pie when i was pregnant with each of my three children, i became obsessed with one kind of food. with Josh, it was frozen yogurt.
but, oh how i loved it. Not Just Yogurt, my supplier of choice, was just down the road from my condo, and my friend Dikla and i used to drag our toddlers [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 12-Dec-07 | 13 comments
the polkas and the wieners as usual, it was a busy weekend at the Martells. I finally, finally got the chance to watch the husband play with his band. his Rock Band band…Giblet and the Polkas. (personally, i would have spelled it pulkas…but no one was asking me to give my yiddish opinion). It was a hilarious good time. I, [...] Filed in The Family, the Deep Thoughts, the juice | 10-Dec-07 | 15 comments
all i want a month before Christmas… my laptop died in Montreal. died. as in dead. big blue screen of death, to be precise. she was good to me. she was old, and slow, but i loved her all the same. she wasn’t a fancy macbook (*drool*) and she didn’t even have herself a cd-drive. but she was old school cool. when [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 28-Nov-07 | 39 comments
guess what’s going back to store from whence it came… (Jacob)
after all that shopping and deliberating…and stuffing myself into dresses that were way too small…i don’t even need it…because instead of being at my company’s holiday party, i’m going to be partying it up in Montreal visiting my new baby niece…
I’m so happy for Adina and Manny.
(and so excited to go and buy wee pink [...] Filed in The Family, The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 21-Nov-07 | 11 comments
kicking heiney and some housekeeping heard last night while playing the new star wars lego game on xbox:
“Wahoo! Mommy, i just kicked the bad guy’s ass!”
“Joshua! We don’t use words like that.”
“oh, sorry…i just kicked the guy’s ass!”
bah-dum-dum.
he sure showed me. showed me that i need to teach my son to use the word bum. or bum bum. or tooshie. [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the mouths of babes | 13-Nov-07 | 31 comments
i’m all over the segueway today… i can’t stop smelling myself.
i hope the pervs don’t start coming out of the google search closet over that one.
it’s true, though. i sent the husband on a mission to buy some clothing for the kids last night. and to see if maybe, possibly, he could find me a fall jacket. since every spring and [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 18-Sep-07 | 16 comments
habits and skeletons there are certain things about me that are, well, they are decidedly Ali.
for example, when i drive my beast of a civic, i talk to him. we have conversations, he and i. well, mostly i’m all “what the fuck, why don’t you go into reserve when i tell you to??!” or “why do you insist [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 12-Sep-07 | 19 comments
addiction i used to be a one coffee a day kind of girl. and way back then it was much more of a social thing than an actual need. Starbucks, and even dunkin donuts, were destinations. places to meet up with friends. to study. to hang out.
when i started working, the one coffee a day became [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 24-Aug-07 | 26 comments
the one where she gets deep…about Shaq…
At first, i laughed. Shaquille O’Neal? six-episode reality show? about 6 obese middle schoolers? Shaquille O’Neal? seriously? i didn’t think it would amount to anything other than another summer tv reality show that i’m NOT watching (think: age of love)
but then i watched. and i was hooked.
through the six episodes, you watch these six children…six [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 01-Aug-07 | 24 comments
wah. feel bad for me. my day officially started at 1 o’clock. in the a.m. when miss bella decided to wake up. for the day. to be fair to her, she was boiling hot with fever when i put her to sleep, so i should have known my night would be a long one. but, i got distracted by my [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 13-Jul-07 | 19 comments
#6, #7, and #8 answered okay…this is the last time, i swear. we are finishing up this game. right now. once and for all…are we not completely sick of it yet??
6. I once tried out for the Jeopardy Teen Tournament. I got to travel to Minneapolis to take a written qualifying exam. Needless to say, i didn’t qualify.
this one is [...] Filed in The Meme, the Deep Thoughts | 11-Jul-07 | 14 comments
a question of etiquette my gym is inside of a mall. i realized early on that this was both good and bad. good because i can run those little errands, such as visiting my favorite tailor (short people have favorite tailors, of course), or picking up diapers. bad because malls are too dangerous. putting me in a mall is like [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 16-May-07 | 18 comments
en ik spreek zelfs het geen Nederlands so last night i did laundry with Ed Burns. in my sweats. in a laundromat. and we were speaking Dutch (isn’t that veerd?). i so wish i was kidding. i wish i could tell you that when i dream about a guy who looks like this
it’s all hot and steamy. i assure you…there was no [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 08-May-07 | 18 comments
wins and losses yesterday we had the first ever intra-departmental mancala tournament…and who says editors never have any fun??? the combination of some new blood in editorial (people i like! a lot!) and an article someone was writing on mancala prompted this historic event.
and, folks, you’ll be pleased to know that after many intense rounds, that i – [...] Filed in The Jobs, the Deep Thoughts | 30-Mar-07 | 25 comments
an open letter Dear Shonda Rhimes,
i love you, you know i do. you had me at the very first sight of mcdreamy. you had me through the Meredith and Derek good times. and the bad. you had me through the Cristina and Burke good times. and the bad. you had me when you turned Coach Taylor into pink [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 16-Mar-07 | 22 comments
careful what you wish for…part 2 ***Edits below…you know you were waiting for my grey’s recap***
#1 from Jennifer: I am dying to know…How much do you weigh? No more X’s. As of awhile ago you were 8 pounds up when you tried South Beach. i was 8 pounds up from 102…which is weight i want to be at. so…i was at [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 22-Feb-07 | 20 comments
careful what you wish for…part 1 ***Edits below!! more idol digging!***
well, color me happy….there are enough questions here to force me to push off my thursday thirteen another week (i was having trouble coming up with thirteen anyway…i was doing 13 wonders of the celebrity world….which started with Jeremy Piven’s hairline….seriously….what is up with it?)
well…we’ll start at the beginning…
#1 from Janet: What [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 21-Feb-07 | 13 comments
three questions answered. and some idol digging. because of the underwhelming response that i got as far as questions go…there were exactly three questions asked…and two of them were asked by one person….i’m opening up the floor for one more day. bah. y’all suck. so…here i go…asking you all to tell me how much you love me. ask me anything. the sky’s the limit. [...] Filed in The Reality TV, the Deep Thoughts | 21-Feb-07 | 20 comments
Things Learned 1. do not crawl into bed with your daughter. you will fall asleep.
2. living in Canada is just plain ole’ dumb. i almost got into 13 car accidents just in the school parking lot alone. also, there are exactly 3 people that came in to the office today. i might just have to leave early…
3. [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 14-Feb-07 | 24 comments
good enough this no sleep thing is turning me very introspective. we thought we were done. knock wood, everyone was healthy. for about a minute and a half. then miss isabella decided it was time to start teething again. those eye teeth. the canines. the cuspids. she’s in so much pain. the poor kid is gnawing on anything [...] Filed in The Friends, the Deep Thoughts | 12-Feb-07 | 22 comments
It’s that time of the year again… that time where we bid adieu to 2006 and say hello to 2007. We considered heading to Underground Atlanta tonight to watch the Peach Drop. We considered having some friends over for a nice dinner (and alcohol. there has to be alcohol) We considered going out for dinner and to a movie. but, seeing as [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts | 31-Dec-06 | 13 comments
randomly random bits Can we talk for a moment about a serious problem that i have? What is with these word verifications? hmm? i understand WHY they exist, but i don’t understand why they have to be so complicated! why must some of them be 45 letters long? and why do they have to make the letters so [...] Filed in The Her Bad Auction, The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 13-Dec-06 | 25 comments
the things we take for granted Part of my job involves reading books. yes, folks, i DO get paid to read books. lots and lots of books. You see, i’m searching for 8 books to be used as read-alouds for 4th grade. (grade 4 if you live north of the border) But not just any books. no. because that would be [...] Filed in The Family, The Her Bad Auction, the Deep Thoughts | 12-Dec-06 | 15 comments
you’ll have to excuse me… …if this post seems a bit scattered today. you see, it’s a balmy -6 degrees out this morning (that’s 22 degrees if you live south of the border) and i’m not prepared. yes, i realize that i’ve lived in a cold climate for a LONG freakin’ time, but i still am never prepared when winter [...] Filed in The Friends, The Snark, the Deep Thoughts | 05-Dec-06 | 20 comments
i haven’t watched Grey’s yet! i came home last night – from meeting the urbanmoms ladies at Host – and the husband said he would rather watch Survivor (which he had already watched that night) than watch Grey’s Anatomy. not understanding? yeah…well, me neither.
but now i don’t have the time to watch it. there’s just NEVER enough time.
it’s funny because i [...] Filed in The Other Blog, The Reality TV, the Deep Thoughts | 01-Dec-06 | 18 comments
the teachers i remember it so clearly. in my elementary school, there were two first grade teachers. there was Mrs. Gorman. she was exactly what any child could wish for in a teacher. she was young, pretty, warm, loving. and then there was Mrs. Leib. she was exactly what any child wouldn’t want in a teacher. she [...] Filed in The Boy, The Girl, the Deep Thoughts | 29-Nov-06 | 10 comments
for which i am thankful tomorrow is thanksgiving in the US. My dad and stepmom are celebrating in Atlanta. without me. my mom and my stepdad are celebrating in Scottsdale. in 80 degree weather. without me. there will be turkey. and stuffing. and sweet potato pie. and mashed potatoes. and peas. and pumpkin pie. (if i was going to go [...] Filed in The Family, The Friends, The Husband, the Deep Thoughts | 22-Nov-06 | 21 comments
the gift of giving I love gifts.
I love to get them, but even more, i love to give them. A while back i read this article and was inspired. the writer said that she works very hard to try to get the right gift for the recipient. Not just a gift that she likes, but something she thinks the [...] Filed in the Deep Thoughts, the weight | 15-Nov-06 | 13 comments