1. OH MY JOSH
    It really doesn’t get much better than this. No. Josh is so funny. I sit with him every night while he does his homework, and there really is no question that this kid, well, marches to his own drummer. When he sits down to do a math sheet, maybe a page of 50 simple subtraction problems, [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 02-Mar-10 | 18 comments
  2. You’re on Notice: Revisited
    I was all set today to write a post of all the things that are NOT on notice (yanno, tits list) after being all hating in my post on Friday…it was going to include things like The West Wing. Really? Has there ever been a better show? I don’t think so. And don’t you dare [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Boy | 14-Dec-09 | 14 comments
  3. The Boy is Mine. Also? SEVEN.
    I still have so much to tell you about my trip and a little video about a certain guy named Kevin that is totally going to go viral, but we must take some pause for a moment. Because my baby boy woke up  SEVEN YEARS OLD this morning. hold me. How in the heck did THAT happen???? [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 02-Nov-09 | 33 comments
  4. Incidents. the corn dog one. and the accidental nudity one.
    Josh lost two teeth in the same day. He is now toothless and lisping, but also ten dollars richer. The first one popped out due to a certain corn dog incident and the second was just a ploy to keep us home because he was all anti-babysitter that night. unfortunately for him, extra holes in his [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the self mock | 07-Sep-09 | 16 comments
  5. If you give a kid a sharpie…
    we are a crayola crayons kind of family because my children simply cannot be trusted with markers or pens. (it’s not because I love to sniff crayons. no ma’am. it’s not. pinky swear) (ps. side note…did you know that you can buy crayon perfume? seriously. WHA?) I mean, seriously. Each of the children has made [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 28-Aug-09 | 26 comments
  6. Looking For Fluffy
    I kind of stay away from blogs (seriously…why do I loathe that word so much…blawg. the way my non-bloggy friends use it like it’s a nasty word…”hey, Ali, are you going to put this on your blaaaaawwwwwwwg?”) that tend to be whiney whiney whine whine and steer more towards the sites that either make me [...]
    Filed in The Boy, parenting sure is fun | 23-Aug-09 | 11 comments
  7. not too late.
    Some days I really feel like I have failed my second-born. He was born just 20-months after his very, very spirited, high-maintenance sister. She was needy of my attention from the get-go. I mean, this is just a little thing, but a perfect example of the way things were: The day Josh was born was pretty [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 30-Jun-09 | 52 comments
  8. He could very well be the new Dentist Kid
    Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Tommy Boy. Zoolander. Spaceballs. The Big Lebowski. National Lampoon’s Vacation. Old School. The Jerk. A Fish Called Wanda. Groundhog Day. Coming to America. Dumb and Dumber. Raising Arizona. Best in Show. Better off Dead. There’s Something About Mary. 40-Year-Old Virgin. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Airplane. funny. (this is most definitely an incomplete list [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 22-Jun-09 | 24 comments
  9. do I even want to know?
    apparently, my children believe in the tooth fairy. the tooth fairy that they have decided is named Gwyneth. WHAT?
    Filed in The Boy | 27-May-09 | 39 comments
  10. the difference between #1 and #2 (and we are not talking about my bathroom habits) (y’all are gross)
    child #1: November of 2006: “mommy! feel my wiggle! feel my tooth! feel it! feel it! it’s so wiggly! come on, feel it, please!” i feel nothing. December of 2006: “mommy! feel my wiggle! feel my tooth! feel it! it’s so wiggly! come on, feel it, please!” i feel nothing. January of 2007: “mommy! feel my wiggle! feel my tooth! [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 28-Jan-09 | 38 comments
  11. happiness is some krispy kremes, music, change, and jeans..oh, and a warm gun (heh)
    i spent the better half of yesterday in Canada Crown Copyright hell. who knew that a thumbnail image of Canada’s coat of arms to use in an educational book was going to be such a problem? sheesh. but then i came home. and i really haven’t stopped smiling. …my old nanny came to visit the kids and [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Friends, the fashion | 07-Nov-08 | 43 comments
  12. it’s official. i am old.
    The boy is 6* 6. he came into this world – surprise! – 20 months after his sister. and he was a big ole’ bald melonhead. (holy dark hair, Ali!) Josh at 6 is a pretty awesome kid. He is by far my best sleeper and by far my worst eater. but give him a pound of chicken wings and [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the mouths of babes | 03-Nov-08 | 38 comments
  13. not a soccer mom
    by definition, i’m a soccer mom. middle class. three kids. minivan. carpool, at a private school. after-school activities. basketball. dance. swimming. i pop an occasional xanax. i have a house in the suburbs. a park across the street. a nanny. the one thing about me that doesn’t scream soccer mom is, well, THE SOCCER. i hate it. [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the parenting | 13-Aug-08 | 55 comments
  14. soccer, hulks, and alfs…and ali gets serious about Britney
    so, i was going to talk to you about my Canada day yesterday…in which i spent 7 hours with my ass on a maple-leafed chair with a Tim Horton’s coffee in hand, watching my son play in a soccer tournament. all day. we officially owe my son $11. we told him that he’d get a dollar [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the fame, the ranting | 02-Jul-08 | 29 comments
  15. tuition well spent…and a race around the world
    what exactly ARE they teaching my son in school? i shell out $12,000 a year for him to bring THIS home to me… i have seen this problem before…thank you, SUPERBAD… anyone want to take a guess as to what it’s really SUPPOSED to be??? on fridays my friends and i have what’s known around here as “google [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Celebs | 20-Jun-08 | 42 comments
  16. beast of burden. and the soccer field.
    it sure is a sweet face, isn’t it? well..that sweet face just got himself kicked out of his soccer practice. for reals. I’ve always told anyone that Josh is, by far, my easiest child. with Emily, there’s all the DRAMA. the politics. the too-old-for-her-size crap. (have i mentioned the makeup that my nanny bought for her???) with Isabella, [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Family | 06-Jun-08 | 40 comments
  17. i promise not to quit my day job…
    i have officially been banned from the hair clippers. Josh’s hair was, once again, out of control. the sideburns. the sideburns! i couldn’t even see his ears anymore. and while it’s all well and good that he wants to look like this… (ps. i think Zac Efron is hot. i’ve been in denial about this for [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 07-Apr-08 | 26 comments
  18. a whole bunch of unrelated things. it’s how i’m rolling today.
    have any of you ever taken your empties back to MAC? i finished an eye shadow this morning and it was about to go under my bathroom counter to go and live with the 85,000 empty lipsticks, shadows, blushes i’ve been keeping and have never taken back (or thrown away either. hi, i’m ali. [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the Deep Thoughts, the mouths of babes | 02-Apr-08 | 21 comments
  19. a conversation
    scene: last night…7:00pm. we are in the bathroom, ironing Emily’s hair. Josh is pretending to put on lipstick in his batman pajamas…so i guess it evens out. ha. Josh: Mommy, Tyler’s cat has a rock in his wiener and so he has to pee out of his butt! Ali: not sure it works that way, Bud. [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Family | 07-Feb-08 | 38 comments
  20. weekendables…also, i might be rainbow brite
    guess what we were doing at 10am on sunday morning?? if you guessed sitting around in pajamas drinking hot chocolate and playing the wii…you are officially dead to me. because, alas, we were not doing these things. any of them. we were digging ourselves out of six feet of snow* to get to our friends’ [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Family, The Friends | 17-Dec-07 | 15 comments
  21. rock band road trip…and a coup cut!
    We are off to Montreal. We are leaving early this morning in anticipation of bad weather (not to mention bad behavior…my kids are beastly on road trips) the entire way there. i’m totally unprepared. I had planned to load-up my ipod with all kinds of new music and force the husband to listen to it…but instead, [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Family | 23-Nov-07 | 18 comments
  22. on OTs and OCs…and a little Timmy love
    So, Josh’s teacher, Mrs. Sussman, called last night to give me a little Josh update. These calls, the ones about Josh, make me so nervous. Last year, his teachers used to call to tell us they didn’t think he liked school. and that he wasn’t really absorbing what they hoped he would. and that he [...]
    Filed in The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 30-Oct-07 | 37 comments
  23. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
    “Daddy, you reek because you fart all day!” yes, folks, he’s a kid who tells it like it is. even if he’s at the Ontario Science Centre (yes, folks, in the great white north it IS spelled with an “re” and not an “er”….CRAZY country) in a room full of many, many people. who all heard what he [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 23-Oct-07 | 75 comments
  24. a white ass, some shields, and a preschooler
    i treated myself to a new pair of jeans recently. no, you do not need to adjust your screens. they are, in fact, GREY. so, not only am i a total sell-out and am all over those Abercrombie skinny jeans…but i’ve gone grey. and apparently, just like it was 2 decades ago, grey is the new blue. anyway, [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Boy, the girl behind the screen | 11-Sep-07 | 20 comments
  25. me josh [pounds on chest] want juice.
    i attempted to get a good shot of all three kids wearing their sunday stripes… but you try getting three squirmy kids to sit still for an impromptu photo session… i cannot wait for school to start next week. sure, they might look like little angels in the photo, but all play and no work makes Josh [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 27-Aug-07 | 18 comments
  26. i’ll send an SOS to the world…
    when the doorbell rang last night, i was expecting one of those kids coming to try to sell me a water filter/new windows/a newspaper subscription. every single night someone shows up, asking if my mother’s at home. It really is the best way to get rid of pesky sellers. “no, i’m sorry. my mom is [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 14-Aug-07 | 19 comments
  27. best. conversation. ever.
    Josh: i want to change out of my bathing suit in the car, mommy. Me: are you kidding? why? Josh: so no one will see my wiener. [he did actually use the word wiener. and i'm still laughing about it] Me: look. if you put your shirt on first, it will cover your *wiener* Josh: but mommy, my penis [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 31-Jul-07 | 39 comments
  28. more Bible Britney…and some Vera Wang
    the Britney vs the Bible sags continues… Josh: hey mommy, this is where the dead people are me: you’re right, Joshie. it’s a cemetery. Josh: that’s where Moses lives now. but not Britney. she didn’t die. Emily: Josh, you’re such a doof. there are many more people who are way more important to us that died. like great grandpa. [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Girl | 08-Jun-07 | 18 comments
  29. they didn’t give head in the 50’s :)
    this is quite possibly the most hilarious thing ever. the husband and i were watching a little food tv. (shut up, you so know that you do too. you love bob blumer!) Mr. ex-double dare host was telling us in his ever-so-annoying voice that Mr. Potato head originally came without a potato! you were supposed [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Girl, The Snark | 01-Jun-07 | 13 comments
  30. you know what this means…
    sir josh is FINALLY tall enough to get a blue wristband. which means that he’s finally tall enough to go on the ghoster coaster. poor thing. but, this year was his year. we were having company for dinner and we had time for one more ride for each kid. of course, they each picked this one. since [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Girl | 15-May-07 | 14 comments
  31. he’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy
    things my son did this week: a) he took videos on my camera of himself and his friends b) he squeezed an entire tube of toothpaste into our fish Dorothy’s bowl….and then dropped the tube in too c) he put all of Emily’s stuffed animals into the sink and then ran the water things my son lost this week [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 20-Mar-07 | 19 comments
  32. turns
    just last week the husband and i were discussing that just shy of the 6th anniversary of her birth, Emily is finally, finally getting out of her terrible twos (which for us, unsurprisingly, started at 18 months). she’s really made a turn. she’s listening. she has stopped having hourly tantrums. and she’s even become more [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 06-Mar-07 | 23 comments
  33. the mouths of babes….and crappy network execs
    In a toy store. “Daddy, i weally wish i could get dis Zathura game because i’ve never been to space. and i’d weally like to go dere!” Usually it’s Emily who blows us away with the zingers that come out of her mouth…anyone remember the nipple-toe line?? but, these days Josh has been killing us with his [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Snark | 05-Jan-07 | 10 comments
  34. a date.
    It’s so rare that I spend one-on-one time with my son. He has a classic case of middle-child syndrome. Emily has such a strong personality, and a constant need for attention. those two characteristics, combined with the fact that she’s super attached to me, mean Joshua gets pushed to the side a lot. because he [...]
    Filed in The Boy | 04-Dec-06 | 17 comments
  35. the teachers
    i remember it so clearly. in my elementary school, there were two first grade teachers. there was Mrs. Gorman. she was exactly what any child could wish for in a teacher. she was young, pretty, warm, loving. and then there was Mrs. Leib. she was exactly what any child wouldn’t want in a teacher. she [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Girl, the Deep Thoughts | 29-Nov-06 | 10 comments
  36. beef
    i’m not going to complain about the fact that i had to leave early this morning to go and pick up the civic at the honda dealer. i’m not going to complain about the fact that doing this caused me to be late for work. and i hate to be late. i’m not going to complain about [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Husband, The Snark | 07-Nov-06 | 24 comments
  37. chock full
    this morning, as i was racing out the door, late as usual, i took a slight detour and had me a big ole’ bite of Buzz Lightyear birthday cake (note to self: cake. must. be. destroyed.) I convinced myself that i NEEDED the cake. it was a long weekend and the little sugar energy boost [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Friends | 06-Nov-06 | 14 comments
  38. 4
    my baby boy is 4. it feels like just yesterday that he was born into our little family. he was such a perfect addition. we already had our daughter…the princess, and now we had our son, the prince. and what a prince he was. and still is! i’ll leave you with a little video i took [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Reality TV, The Snark | 03-Nov-06 | 13 comments
  39. li’l swimmers
    Tuesday is Swim day in our house.  My son is a big red chicken. and my daughter is fearless as hell. and neither one of them can swim. so, i signed them up for lessons. they are sea turtles. adorable. There are two other kids in their group, a set of twins. so, naturally, everyone assumes [...]
    Filed in The Boy, The Girl | 11-Oct-06 | 82 comments
  40. little green monsters
    yesterday the husband and i went to Here’s My Baby for our private viewing and order session (sounds fancy, doesn’t it?!!). They are incredibly clever, those folks at HMB. They sit you in a giant room, with giant walls that hold giant portraits of beautiful children. then, they dim the lights and put on a slideshow [...]
    Filed in The Baby, The Boy, The Girl | 27-Sep-06 | 33 comments