Nine. When did this
become this
HOLD ME.
She is nine today.
She has her own twitter account (on which she is way funnier than I am).
She emails her friends from her iTouch.
She likes to experiment with my camera.
She is into Taylor Swift. And Justin Bieber. And Zach Efron. and Lady Gaga.
She knows all the words to “I and [...] Filed in The Girl, parenting sure is fun | 08-Mar-10 | 33 comments
Cut It Out. What the hell, silly bandz? Seriously, you trying to ruin my life? Ah, yes. I do believe that you are.
You started out innocent enough. You were just another one on the laundry list of things my children need to have…the pillow pet, the snuggie, the brownie pan, the cupcake cake, the bump-it, the touch and [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 04-Mar-10 | 18 comments
Pants on the Ground My sister dies when we are on the phone. In between our very important conversations about vintage sample sales and failed crock pot attempts and my dog eating my underwear again, she gets to hear me. THE REAL ME. The one who says things like, “NO! You cannot come to my dinner table with no [...] Filed in The Baby, parenting sure is fun | 16-Feb-10 | 22 comments
Morning: A Portrait While my first-born is off in the holy land doing important things like climbing Masada with her cousins
and eating shawarma the size of her head…
I thought I’d give you a little taste of what WE, at home, are doing as she’s climbing a fortress:
6:45. Alarm goes off. Ali hits snooze.
6:54. Alarm goes off. Ali hits [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 11-Feb-10 | 13 comments
Princess of Egypt At least three of four times a night, I hear the pitter-patter of Bella footsteps. She is very sneaky and climbs up at the end of the bed and shimmies her way up to snuggle beside me and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.
“When I wake up can we go to Chuck E. Cheese?”
It’s always [...] Filed in The Baby, parenting sure is fun | 09-Feb-10 | 16 comments
The One Where I am Sick. (oh, this is an exciting one, let me tell you) If you didn’t know any better, you might think that some sort of natural disaster hit the top floor of casa de Martell this week. Tornado, most likely. There are three hampers and 17 piles of laundry scattered across three bedrooms and a hallway. They are all clean, mind you, but they haven’t been folded [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 02-Feb-10 | 13 comments
A Chuckyesque situation. With the exception of the first year of each of their lives (YES! My babies were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks!), my children do not like to sleep. None of them. On any given midnight, I can find Joshua up reading books or Emily up making friendship bracelets or playing Words with Friends. [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 13-Jan-10 | 16 comments
Snow Day
It’s quite the snowstorm, isn’t it? On Thursday afternoon, Atlanta got pounded with snowgate ‘10. A full 1/4 inch dusting of the white magic. So, instead of my BIG PLANS to take Slynnro to Atlantic Station so she could buy her H&M tank tops (even though we hear that H&M is kind of a douche [...] Filed in The Friends, parenting sure is fun | 10-Jan-10 | 14 comments
While YOU are sleeping… I am rereading Wuthering Heights. Although rereading might be kind of an untruth…because, you see, when it was assigned to me to read for Mrs. Rosenwald’s English class, I, well, um, there was a movie, and there just wasn’t time, and well, I didn’t actually read it. I did, however, manage to write A- papers [...] Filed in The Friends, parenting sure is fun | 06-Jan-10 | 27 comments
things I know. I do not have a clue what is going on the internet. I haven’t been on twitter. I haven’t been on skype. I haven’t read any blogs. I haven’t shopped. I haven’t worked. I haven’t played Friends with Words. I haven’t picked up the book I am reading. I haven’t heard any gossip. I haven’t [...] Filed in The Family, parenting sure is fun | 28-Dec-09 | 21 comments
ISO: Bully Free Zone This morning, in the car.
Isabella: You know those Snuggie things? They really are just like big sweaters, huh?
Josh: No! They are blankets! BLANKETS!
Isabella: But, Josh, they have HOODS. Hoods are for sweaters; not blankets. And they have sleeves.
Josh: They are blankets.
Isabella: sweaters
Josh: Blankets!
Eye roll from Emily.
Oh, with the eye roll.
If I had a dollar for [...] Filed in The Girl, parenting sure is fun | 02-Dec-09 | 20 comments
I AM MARIO. Watch me plunge. I guess it’s safe to say that you can add THE NAP to things of which I am a huge fan. I have been bitching about fighting whatever this sickness is that has no name other than plague. Because, well, the symptoms are kind of ridiculous. It’s not quite swine flu, it’s not quite cold, [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 12-Nov-09 | 9 comments
Different Drummer. This week was Josh’s 7th birthday, so we did what any normal parents would do…We took nine kids on the Atlanta Marta (which included three train transfers) and took them down to the Thrashers vs. Bluejackets game. yeah, NORMAL.
(there were two more kids, but you try getting them all to sit down for more than [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 06-Nov-09 | 14 comments
Just another old yeller… I feel like absolute crap after I yell at my kids.
I spent a good portion of my childhood being yelled at. It was my mother’s go-to place. Always. Well, except for that one time that my sister and I were playing in the kitchen while she was making pancakes and, well, somehow she burned her [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 22-Oct-09 | 30 comments
I guess preschoolers don’t notice laugh lines or crow’s feet. Occasionally, I look at pictures of myself and no less than 30 seconds later I am googling “common side effects of botox.” The thirties – thus far – have been great. A good friend once told me that my life would begin at 30, and he may not have been wrong. But, you know what [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 15-Oct-09 | 26 comments
sleeping sickness* I should have known back when the kids were babies. I just should have known.
They were such good sleepers. I mean, for a little perspective, I will tell you this. All three of the kids were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. I was given a lovely 12-6am stretch every single night. Of course, [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 09-Oct-09 | 21 comments
I guess they are all ready for next year’s atoning. Well, just like every year, I have had, oh, um, three fully caffeinated beverages since the Yom Kippur fast ended. and usually, after appeasing the caffeine gods, I spend the remainder of my night – and early into the next morning – appeasing the insomnia gods. But not this year. Oh no. I will be [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 28-Sep-09 | 9 comments
Deux. Happiness is spending 2 hours at the doggie ER and having them tell you that Indiana is going to be OKAY. Also, a night with no vomiting. Also, getting him to take his meds. YES. yes. yes. yes. yes
Happiness is catching your daughter in a moment. one of those my-chubby-toddler-is-no-longer-a-toddler moments.
Happiness is not feeling bad [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 15-Sep-09 | 24 comments
Happiness is not just a warm gun Well, it’s Monday, and while things should be headed back into normalcy (G in Toronto, kids in school, Ali in bed with her laptop doing 87 hours of work before 3pm carpool), it seems like there’s no more normal for the Martells. Indy isn’t keeping anything down, and extra trips to doggie emerg and some [...] Filed in The Family, parenting sure is fun | 14-Sep-09 | 18 comments
progress of the pooch. Firstly – before I update you on all that’s happened in the last week or so (visits from family! Betty Draper-esque try-ons! mcTato trips to east jesus, nowhere, New Brusnwick (canada, not New Jersey)! my shitty luck on plane trips, including vomiting children and elderly women with THE PLAGUE!) and what is about to happen [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 12-Sep-09 | 20 comments
I’m not prepared. They really just don’t prepare you.
You bring home a puppy and he’s just fantastic. He fits your family like a glove and becomes part of you instantly. He lies on top of Isabella and kisses her all over her face and loves on her because she is clearly his favorite. He makes everyone happy. He [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 09-Sep-09 | 70 comments
homecoming: not good for the ass. or the boobies. BUT! I have a DVR! I’m just warning you before I start rambling that at the end of this post I will be posting a video that you, like I did, will probably find hilarious. and you will likely watch it more than once to see if, well, if it IS, indeed a wiener (well, I know that FADKOG will, [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 31-Aug-09 | 33 comments
Looking For Fluffy I kind of stay away from blogs (seriously…why do I loathe that word so much…blawg. the way my non-bloggy friends use it like it’s a nasty word…”hey, Ali, are you going to put this on your blaaaaawwwwwwwg?”) that tend to be whiney whiney whine whine and steer more towards the sites that either make me [...] Filed in The Boy, parenting sure is fun | 23-Aug-09 | 11 comments
sam’s mom and other freaks. Meet Sam.
We know this because Sam was wearing a name tag. Sam was a little boy who liked to steal trains from little girls in the children’s book section of Barnes and Noble. Sam was also an unaccompanied minor. Sam played bullied without any parental guidance (and I’m pretty sure that B&N is a PG [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 19-Aug-09 | 46 comments
bump. bump. bump. Life is filled with bumps. Lots and lots of bumps.
Like when you have been in Atlanta for almost 3 weeks and you just cannot get your internet connection to work properly…no matter how many hours your husband – who possesses a degree in computer science – spent trying to fix it.
Bump.
Like when you go to [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 17-Aug-09 | 15 comments
It is only Tuesday. and yet. This week I learned that:
No matter how emotionally draining my girls can be, there’s NOTHING like taking them for their first mani/pedis (even if it means that I am forced to let someone touch my feet. ew)
Emily is not the only new kid in her class. According to her, “There’s a boy in my class [...] Filed in The Family, parenting sure is fun | 11-Aug-09 | 26 comments
we’ll just keep swimming. also #dunkindonutsisgross. It’s August 10th today.
It’s also the first day of school. (which really means it’s the first REAL day of work for me)
Sure, they may *look* all peachy keen and nifty and groovy here all decked out in their (way-too-big) Gap uniforms, but the past two days have been a mix of nervesslashexcitementslashIdon’tknowanyone.
Emily even went as [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 10-Aug-09 | 33 comments
when it rains, it pours. and apparently, the old man sleeps. Every time I am at my mom’s we pay a visit to our good friends at the ye olde expensive walk-in clinic on good hope road. We’ve visited for UTIs and strep and ear infections and pink eye.
I knew it was coming.
of course. because we were in a groove. finally. The kids were liking camp. [...] Filed in The Family, parenting sure is fun | 16-Jul-09 | 14 comments
itch. scratch. My last day of work at the office was on Tuesday. (FREELANCE) (ZOMG) and I was spiraled into this alternate universe since. I had all these plans for what I was going to do with my 6 fun-filled days before I up and take the kids on leg 1 of our journey. I was going [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 10-Jul-09 | 24 comments
first day last day first day of school, September 2008:
Last day of school, June 2009:
Emily and Joshua have passed through grades 2 and 1 with flying colors! (that’s second grade and first grade to you Americans and colours to you Canadians! I am such a giver)
Last September…
Emily didn’t know how to ride a 2-wheeler, and last night she rode [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 23-Jun-09 | 29 comments
what dinner is like… Emily, 2nd grader, actress/singer, the Jonas brothers biggest fan, lip gloss expert: Mom, what’s a BJ?
Me, choking on my dinner: a WHAT? where did you hear that???
Emily: this boy at school.
Me: oh. em. gee. what did he say?
Emily: he asked if me and Adam did BJ. or something.
Isabella, nursery schooler, awesome color-in-the-lines’er, Enchanted fan, yo [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 16-Jun-09 | 27 comments
a few of my favorite things…and some not so favorites too.. for the past few months, missabella has been treated every two weeks for a mild case of molluscum. and by treated I mean that we schlep her to the dermatologist so Dr. Dots can burn them off, which, you know, is always fun. especially when Isabella screams the entire house down because it hurts. and [...] Filed in The Baby, The Girl, parenting sure is fun | 08-Jun-09 | 28 comments
GREAT SCOTT! Emily has mad love for four people right now…Joe Jonas. Zac Efron. Robert Pattinson. and…
wait for it…
Michael J. Fox.
this one, though.
not, you know, this one. The one who suffers from Parkinson’s disease and is old enough to be her grandfather (he was born in 1961 and she was born in 2001!)
I recently let Josh and [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 04-Jun-09 | 44 comments
attention seeking behavior. both of them. Remember way back whenever I would try to take video of Emily dancing little baby Bella would come and interrupt?!?
yeah…well nothing’s changed…
(Emily – and her friend Samara – are slightly excited for this week’s performances of The Sound of Music, especially now that I’ve finally procured a nun costume for her) (there’s nothing like waiting [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 02-Jun-09 | 16 comments
UP, HELP, and FREEZE I took the kids to see UP yesterday. Original, I know. I only saw about 47 people that I know at the theater. and I, because I am classy, walked out of the theater with popcorn stuck in my hoodie and mascara running down my face. yes. yes, I did. because I wept. I wept [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 01-Jun-09 | 28 comments
I just want to watch LOST and eat key lime yogurt. My evening ended last night with me begging a buck naked 3-year-old to just go to sleep already so I could just watch LOST. parenting at its finest, I realize, but, hello, we had just left daniel faraday and his moms in an interesting little pickle and ohmigod, he cannot be DEAD!! I took Isabella [...] Filed in The Snark, parenting sure is fun | 07-May-09 | 27 comments
in the future reference files
please note. this is for future reference when they are whining and crying and when there is so much drama. and for when they are asking for the car. and going on dates. and moving out. and going to college. and getting married. and having dancers of their own.
Filed in parenting sure is fun | 24-Apr-09 | 26 comments
perspective the husband is in Las Vegas (onbusiness)(foraweek) which means two things…a) something is going to go very, very wrong and b) someone is going to barf. exhibit a. exhibit b. exhibit c. exhibit d. I will stop exhibiting now, and get to the matters at hand. the matter of the little colossal leak from my [...] Filed in The Friends, parenting sure is fun | 20-Apr-09 | 18 comments
the cheese stands alone.
You ask and I deliver. See how good I am to you? Well, really it’s my sister-in-law who you can thank, because unlike someone else I know, she knows the precise location of her camera charger.
(off to ebay to track down a canon charger)
My Emily, who – by the by – has lost herself another [...] Filed in The Girl, parenting sure is fun, the old school ali | 01-Apr-09 | 30 comments
last things first i have so many stories to tell you about my trip. some will be more exciting, like the pee-in-my-pants laughing i did when i discovered my bat-mitzvah dress in a closet in the basement.
oh yes that IS the very same dress i wore at age 12. the day i became a woman (i became something [...] Filed in The Family, parenting sure is fun | 30-Mar-09 | 30 comments
doesn’t sound all that smart to me. heh. Isabella is loving all the traipsing strangers potential buyers who have been coming in and out of our house lately (side note: LOTS of visitors; no offers yet). unlike me – i run for cover and try to pretend that i’m not in the house, ho hum, lalal i’m hiding while there are scary russians [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 26-Mar-09 | 32 comments
i’m not even sure i’m low fashion…but i’m AWESOME i’m certainly not high fashion. that much is clear. i mean, you all, i went out last night in what seemed like a good outfit. skinny jeans (jbrands. love) a black shirt and black boots. only, i was spending so much time BEFORE i went out at 10pm panicking about being able to stay up [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 20-Mar-09 | 22 comments
you can laugh. just don’t judge. guess who fell flat on her ass in a public bathroom at the Canon Theater last night?
just guess.
oh yeah. I am classy, yo!
We have an all-the-way-up-in-the-nosebleeds theater subscription that forces us – with our friends mike and sarah – to get out of the damn house and DO SOMETHING six times a year. We’ve seen [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 11-Mar-09 | 21 comments
the snooze button and the office party committee fine. i’ll admit it. i’m one of those snooze button people. for the past almost 8 years (holy crap, my baby is turning 8 on sunday. EIGHT!) i haven’t had the need for an alarm clock. hoo boy, no sir. there was always someone awake in the wee hours of morn….as in the 0500s…yes, what’s [...] Filed in The Family, The Jobs, parenting sure is fun | 06-Mar-09 | 23 comments
bubble girl Emily and boys. no, this is nothing new…but it still throws me for a loop every time i answer the phone and there’s a boy on the other end, stuttering his way through a very meek “Can i please talk to Emily?”
i’m not ready for this. i’m not ready for this. i’m not ready for [...] Filed in The Girl, parenting sure is fun | 04-Feb-09 | 24 comments
*weeps* My mother is a crier. When i think of my childhood, I remember the crying. She cried at funerals. She cried watching movies. She cried watching TV. Hell, she cried watching commercials. She cried when my sister and I had ballet recitals, or piano recitals, or kindergarten Hannukah plays. She cried when she held babies. [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 29-Jan-09 | 48 comments
when the cat’s away… the shit always hits the fan.
i speak the truth. trust me. it happened here. and here. it’s like they have a freakish sixth sense that when i’m alone and at my most vulnerable…hmm, mommy, now’s a good time for us to get sick! huzzah! and they don’t even take any sort of pity on me [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun, the ranting | 16-Jan-09 | 32 comments
sometimes karma is just mean. like me. newsflash: i am a bitch strongly opinionated.
this probably won’t be new to many of you. i have strong opinions about many things. music, food, clothing, tv shows, movies.
(on my NOT list: Drew Barrymore. fruity martinis. Fergie. celebrity poker. crocs. Rachael Ray. the zoo. indoor swimming. wet cat food. rhianna. fruit in dessert.)
sometimes i let things [...] Filed in The Snark, parenting sure is fun | 17-Dec-08 | 35 comments
hair wars Josh and I are currently at a standstill.
I want him to cut his hair.
He refuses to cut his hair.
What Josh thinks:
“wow. i love Luke Skywalker. He’s, like, the COOLEST Jedi ever! he’s so not just a whiny little farm boy who can’t act, Mommy. he’s awesome! and you know who else is awesome??? Han Solo. [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 11-Dec-08 | 46 comments
THE moms good morning! have a latte on me was what the note sitting on top of the Starbucks card sitting on top of my van’s driver’s seat read. sometimes it’s just the little things.
so, while i enjoy my grande nonfat latte on the husband, i thought i could talk to you about The moms.
The Vibe moms. [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 10-Nov-08 | 64 comments
a conversation between me and my spouse him: what’s wrong with you tonight?
me: i hate thursdays. they are such a total pain in the ass. and it doesn’t help that i’m trying to watch McSteamy…mmm…McSteamy while you are watching South Park on your laptop right next to me and are laughing like a hyena every 30 seconds. yes, i get that George [...] Filed in The Husband, parenting sure is fun | 31-Oct-08 | 39 comments
bless me xanax so, i didn’t end up seeing chaperoning HSM3. turns out that the party started at 5:30..but the actual movie didn’t start until 7. and wasn’t over until 9. it wasn’t happening. and 9pm was the perfect window to send the husband in between his work and his hockey. perfect.
and then this showed up for Josh [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 28-Oct-08 | 32 comments
five things thing #1…remember way back last May when we found Isabella’s bunny eaten and ripped to shreds in our backyard? well, we have bunnygate part deux going on at our place. this time, however, instead of only bones, it was just the bunny, slashed and dead. something tells me we won’t have many bunnies coming back [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun, the fashion | 07-Oct-08 | 27 comments
some Gabon-ing some forgery and some abby cadabby anyone watch Survivor last night? anyone else wondering how it is that these people don’t know that they are going on Survivor and not, well, church? i mean..SUITS? really? anyone else think that Charlie’s little man-crush on Marcus is giving gay men everywhere a bad rap? anyone else wondering why the Olympic track and field [...] Filed in The Reality TV, parenting sure is fun | 26-Sep-08 | 25 comments
totally tubular…man. as a child of the 80s…and a child of divorced parents…there was absolutely NO shortage of must-have-it-right-now toys. my mother waited in a way too long line to get my sister and i our very first hard-faced cabbage patch kids. (and i made the mistake of saying “jerk alert” when she finally walked in the [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun, the old school ali | 23-Sep-08 | 40 comments
THAT mom no one wants to be THAT mom. the mom of the kid who won’t go into gymnastics class because she won’t stop crying. the mom of the kid who bullies all the other kids on the ice. the mom of the kid who scores on the wrong net on the soccer field. or the mom [...] Filed in parenting sure is fun | 22-Sep-08 | 37 comments