November 10 15

When I picked up Isabella from school she was in tears. She buried her head into my chest and from her muffled sounds I could tell she wasn’t upset about her government test. But she didn’t want to talk about it.

We walked to the car and instead of driving home I took us on a little detour. But she still didn’t want to talk about it.

“Anything?” She asked.

“Anything.”

“Milk Duds.” She said.

“Milk Duds,” I said with a nod.

She put her no-longer-tiny hand in mine, looked up and me, and said, “Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

“Not yet, but when I do, you’ll be the first person I tell.”

 

Most days, if I’m being 100% honest, I feel like a failure as a parent.

I make the wrong decisions, I say the wrong things.¬†With three kids there’s always someone rolling her eyes, there’s always someone stomping off in a huff. With two teenagers and a tweenager there is always one who is mad at me, one who is slamming the door, one who is yelling at me.

I often worry that I spend more time nagging and getting upset about all of the shoes in my front hall and lack of lunchboxes on my kitchen counter than I spend nurturing and guiding and teaching them to be grateful and gracious, to be good humans. I often worry that they are going to grow up and only remember all of the times I got upset about them not putting the laundry away, the times I threatened to pull the car over because they wouldn’t stop fighting with each other, the times they lost screens.

But will they remember the milk dud runs in the pouring rain? 

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My fifth grade girl learned today that it’s sometimes tough to be a fifth grade girl.

But it’s a million times tougher to be a mama.

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  1. I hear you. 150% Ali- I found grade 5 was a year of muffled tears, not always knowing the reason, perhaps just some of the girl drama that starts as they transition from little girls to tweenagers.

    I do believe she will cherish the milk dud moment. You are doing good, mama.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Karen meh on November 10, 2015
  2. She will remember the Milk Duds. Xoxo

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kat on November 10, 2015
  3. Shoot. You just made me cry at my desk. Milk duds make things a million times better, and mom giving what her baby needs? multiply that by 10.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Cheri on November 11, 2015
  4. Oh Ali – I so get it. I’ve got 3 – same age as yours but 2 boys and then the princess. Somebody is ALWAYS annoyed at me:( Their dad isn’t around much if at all so this single parent gig is exhausting at the best of times and heartbreaking at the worst. My 5th grader goes to an all girls private school here in Perth and every day she tells me stories about girls being mean and how she akwTs tries to comfort the bullied. So I take from that that I must be doing something right along the way even though Miranda is totally being a tweenager and the stomping of the feet and the door slamming happens more often than I can handle sometimes. Your Bella is a sparkly vibrant soul and she will come and talk when she’s ready to. She’s a lucky little chicken to have you as her mum – you done good girl:))

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heidi on November 11, 2015
  5. Your kids will all remember the Milk Duds moments!

    You’re a great mama!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on November 11, 2015
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