I’m still in akismet hell over here which is incredibly frustrating since the backend (*snort*) of my site is moving molasses slow—no really, we’re talking 28.8 dial-up slow—so when inspiration strikes to write something incredibly profound (read: incredibly not profound) I race to my laptop and then wait, wait, wait and in the end I don’t even get the satisfying “You’ve Got Mail!” aol announcement.

The other day at a stoplight I had to do a triple take in my rearview mirror. “Is that? Wait… Is he? He is! I’m not sure this man understands how windows work. Does he not realize that we can all see him—going to town on the inside of his nose? I’m, like, concerned for this man’s nasal cavity, the way he’s digging for treasure.”

I do not understand this, people.

What is it about being in the car that translates to IT’S NOSE-PICKING TIME! Windows, by nature, are see-through, which means that people can see you. It makes me wonder what all of these nose pickers are doing when they are actually in a place that is actually hidden from view.

(Maybe it’s best that I just stop shaking hands altogether.)

Let’s add this to the ever-growing list of things I do not understand.

See also: Andie’s prom dress in Pretty in Pink.

Oh honey, no.

See also: THE GRAPE SAMPLERS at the grocery store.

I casually mentioned this on Facebook (I have opinions…did you know?) and it seems that my friends have a lot of feelings about grapes—ranging from “there’s literally nothing on earth worse than eating a bad grape” to “there’s literally nothing on earth worse than stealing dirty grapes and getting salmonella from the germs you are consuming.”

I honestly just don’t understand.

Firstly and most importantly, why is it only grapes? Nothing else gets sampled to make sure you want to buy it. I don’t take bites of apples, I don’t grab a quick strawberry, or raspberry, or blueberry to make certain that this very container is the exact one I want to buy. In fact, I don’t sample any berries of any kind. Buying produce is a bit of a crapshoot, I realize. I am basically the worst as predicting deliciousness, especially when it comes to melons. But who decided that it was okay to try the grapes–what makes them special?? 

IS IT BECAUSE THEY BECOME WINE?

Also, I mean, let’s talk a little bit about the fact that other people may have handled these unwashed bites of foodborne-illness-waiting-to-happen.

You know who probably touched them? The car nose pickers.