The minutes between 3:23pm and 5pm are, by far, the most difficult for me, as a work-at-home mom. Instead of doing my actual job, I spend these minutes negotiating with tiny dictators.
This in the actual transcript of what just transpired.
“Can I have a snack?”
“Yes, of course.”
“What can I have?”
“What would you like?”
“What can I have?”
“Something healthy please. How about come berries, or some carrots, or some yogurt, or maybe some raisins.”
“No. I don’t want any of those things. How about a cookie?”
“No. You may have a healthy snack. How about a clementine?”
“No.”
“An apple?”
“Do we have any green ones?”
“No, I think only red ones.”
“Uh. Can I have a cookie?”
“No.”
“Maybe a red apple.”
“Okay. Can I get back to work now, babe?”
“Can you cut it up for me? And then can you get me a drink? And can you reach me something at the top of my closet? It’s my Cinderella princess dress that I haven’t worn in ages, but I really want it.”
“Okay, now can I go back to work?”
“I’m still hungry. What else can I eat?”
“Something that you can prepare on your own, something that I don’t need to cut or chop or wash.”
“Can I have a cookie?”
“No.”
“Can I have two cookies?”
“No.”
“Can I have three cookies?”
“What do you think I’m going to say?”
“Well, then can I just have one tiny cookie?”
“I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ISABELLA.”
“So…just one tiny cookie, then?”
“No. Baby, I have to get some work done now. Go find a snack please.”
“Can I have a playdate?”
“No. You have swimming today.”
*Falls down on the floor in full-on fake-cry hysterics*
(Her, not me. In case you were worried.)
“Okay, I’m going back to work now. I need you to please find a snack that you can reach yourself and then please get your swim stuff ready—please get a towel and a bathing suit and put it in your swim bag.”
“I can’t decide which suit I want to wear. Should I have a fashion show so we can pick?”
“No ma’am. Just pick one.”
“I want to wear this one.”
“That one is too small. Can you please pick one that fits you?”
“Can I show you that I can still fit into my Cinderella princess dress. PLEASE.”
“Please not right now. I believe you.”
“Can we talk about my growing beans? They are really growing! I think we need to google what to do with them now. I think we need some soil to plant them in.”
“In a minute, love.”
“We can just google right now. Super quick! WAIT! Can I tell you a story about what happened to my friend at school today? It’s so funny…it’s about taking off your shirt in class.”
“No baby, I really have to answer this email really quickly. WAIT, you didn’t take your shirt off, right?”
“No, it wasn’t me! I wouldn’t do that. But do you want to hear about it?”
“Maybe you can tell me on the way to swimming. Can you get your suit on?”
“I can’t reach it. Can you get it for me?”
“In just a minute, love.”
“And when you get it, can you get me a little snack too?”
“In just a minute, love.”
“Maybe a cookie?”
End scene.
Seriously, work-at-home moms.
How do you get *anything* done?
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