I haven’t played Candy Crush in 2014.
(And it has nothing to do with the fact that the app hasn’t been updated in 2014. No really. Really. Well, mostly.)
I’m nothing if not determined. It’s out of my life—I even moved it off of the front page of my iphone to make room for more important things like photo apps.
The goal, though, was to play it less so I would do more sleeping. That isn’t exactly happening.
Emily made the school’s basketball team, so even though we had exactly no idea that Emily even knew how to play basketball, I am waking up earlier than my normal 5:45 (+ snooze at least
twice thrice) so I can get her to early morning practices and make sure her hair is braided in the exact Prim braid she absolutely needs before shooting a lay up. My daughter doing a lay up—I can’t. And now Josh is playing indoor baseball which is kind of weird but kind of awesome since it’s so hard to be a non-hockey-playing-baseball-loving Canadian kid. I so love that he is. And that purple is his favorite color.
And then there’s the problem of the middle-of-the-night no-reason panic attacks. I had successfully kicked those to the curb about two years ago and have been off of Xanax for almost as long but now they have crept their way back in, due to some life stresses and an over-abundance of nearby gastrointestinal virus, and since my panic attacks are all emetophobia-related, gastro issues are problematic. And then, of course, there’s the problem with Netflix and finding obviously necessary things to watch at 1am when your husband is still out playing hockey. I stumbled upon the UK version of Shameless and can barely stop watching it because it’s hilarious and also because of James McAvoy.
And then, well, there was last night.
I was all set to crawl into bed after The Bachelor—or after taking a necessary shower after watching The Bachelor to wipe the ick factor off—and read for a bit and actually go to sleep before midnight for the first time in six years. Only then I stumbled upon Garden State and I couldn’t turn away and I also really couldn’t understand why people have such a hard time with this movie, why it has become cool to hate on it. Is it because New Slang by The Shins didn’t change your life, even though Natalie Portman swore that it would? (It might have actually changed mine, so.) Is it because Natalie Portman has a brother who they adopted from a Sally Struthers commercial? Is it because Sheldon Cooper works at Medieval Times and eats Lucky Charms in full knight armor? Because you guys are dead wrong…this stuff is all golden.
So, I couldn’t turn away from Garden State and then the hockey player came home and started eating olives and drinking coconut water in my marital bed and when I called him out about the absurdity and the vulgarity of it all his response was, “at least it’s not egg salad” and I didn’t even have a response because he’s actually correct..but olives in my bed. So I had to find a candle to make the smell disappear but all I could find was a Frosted Gingerbread candle from Bath and Body Works and I lit it anyway against my better olfactory instincts.
Maybe I should just take up Candy Crush again.
Sleep seems to be overrated.