December 17 13

Do bears actually hibernate or is that one of those urban legends like Richard Gere and the butt gerbils and that $250 Neiman Marcus chocolate chip cookie story?

Well, either way, I would like to make hibernation a thing for humans, especially this human right here. Yesterday, whilst minding my own business, I was about to show that little Candy Crush owl who is boss but my iphone was all…”I don’t detect your fingers, are you even a human? Wait…are you a Cullen?” You guys, my circulation is so poor that my phone doesn’t even think that I’m human. Rest assured, though, I put on my fancy tech gloves and put that owl to shame.

I have mentioned before that I am no fan of winter.

I will probably mention it many, many more times.

I’m not sorry either.

(Don’t let this smile fool you, there are under-my-breath expletives being uttered behind the scenes. The kind of breath you can see too.)

(Breath is not something anyone should ever have to see.)

Don't let this face fool you—I'm no fan of winter.

I mean, sure, I’ll happily sit by the fire and snap pictures of pretty falling snow on the phone. But that’s the extent of my love.

Dark at 4pm? NOPE. Constant slushy, wet feet? No thanks. Inability to be ever get warm? Ick. SCRAPING ICE OFF MY WINDSHIELD? Forget about it. I don’t skate, ski, sled, shovel, snowshoe or any other s activities.. Bulky, weatherproof boots are the quickest way to ruin an adorable outfit and I can’t even find a pair of tights that doesn’t go all the way up past my nipples in a full body stocking contraption (….although I do hear that onesies are in style. WHY ARE YOU IN STYLE ONESIES?). And let’s not get me started on the hair static and Sahara dry skin.

I wish I loved the snow an eighth as much as my children love the snow. A twelfth even, I’d take. It’s amazing. My children complain about nearly everything. They are the “The two slices of bread on this sandwich are not properly aligned, this sandwich is garbage” type. And yet. They’ll toboggan one hundred thousand times in a row and not complain about cold hands and feet or all the uphill walking.

But try to get them to take their hoodies up one flight of stairs in our house and they’ll tell you about their achy knees and sore feet.

why do kids love snow so damn much??

“COLD? WHAT COLD, MAMA?! But let me tell you about this papercut I got that will probably kill me tonight….”

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some work to do on my important hibernation-until-May plans. I mean, that’s why they have food delivery, Netflix, and online shopping, right?

  1. It is totally a thing. I tell you, once daylight savings hits and the temps drop, I just want to eat and sleep and not do anything for months.


    ali replied on

    OMG YES. I just want to eat everything carby and delicious in sight.


    Comment by Kristabella on December 17, 2013
  2. OMG Ali. I can’t get past the Richard Gere reference here… bahahahahaha.


    Comment by Sandy on December 17, 2013
  3. I hibernate too. If I don’t have to go, I stay. And I don’t even have one of those warmy goosey coats either. Luckily, my whole fam jam are anti-ourdoorsey.


    ali replied on

    Lucky! I wish my family didn’t like the cold.


    Comment by mara on December 17, 2013
  4. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t even have any desire to go see, visit, or play in the snow. My kids have never seen it. No big, I tell them. (They aren’t buying it.) I am sorry to say that we are spoiled here in San Diego and I get mad about having to put on closed-toe shoes. (I will stop now.)


    ali replied on

    I guess most people just get used to what they know? I don’t know. I don’t. I’m really just not made for cold weather…and would move someplace warm in a heartbeat…but my kids don’t even seem to notice it. It’s just how it is, if that makes sense?


    Alison replied on

    Growing up, we’d ski at Mammoth several times each winter. I think it was the several layers of clothing, uncomfortable ski boots, frozen feet, and lugging all the crap around (those damn poles were always falling!) that ruined the snow for me. Bah humbug.


    Comment by Alison on December 17, 2013
  5. I don’t like the bitter cold of winter but do like the cold air against my face but not for more than a split second, that is.

    I just want to say, that coat you are wearing – I want it! All that fur around your face is absolutely gorgeous and makes your eyes really stand out! You may be frozen solid but you look beautiful doing it!


    Comment by Nellie on December 19, 2013

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>