June 7 12

Breakfast in our house makes me itchy, and because I err on the side of hypochondria, I immediately consult doctor google and then I’m all BAM! I have bed bugs or scabies or maybe both. But really, it’s just a scorching case of my picky children.

In my head, breakfast is tv-show ideal. Daddy sits at the table reading the paper, the children discuss very important matters while they eat a full four-course breakfast and drink a glass of milk and orange juice, while I stand, aproned, at the stove, with a frying pan in hand and a smile on my face.

In reality, however, breakfast is a little bit different. Daddy is already halfway to work, the children are only half-dressed and half-awake, and I’m standing braless in front of the coffee maker willing it to move faster and hiding behind my coffee mug, hoping no one will ask me any direct or difficult questions. It’s a beautiful picture, really.

They want nutella sandwiches or cinammon toast or toaster waffles or sugary cereals. They do not want the Cheerios that are placed in front of them. Y’all, Cheerios is a big lie. It doesn’t make anyone cheery at 7:15 in the morning. It just makes everyone grumpy.

So at the beginning of this week, in a moment of pure crazy (like, white jacket in a padded room crazy) I announced the following:

“IF I WAKE YOU GUYS UP 20 MINUTES EARLIER, I PROMISE TO COOK A WELL-BALANCED MEAL FILLED WITH EGGS AND FRESH FRUIT AND TOAST AND PANCAKES!”

Because, you see, in my head I was so sick of breakfast time. I was so sick of fighting about all the things I didn’t want them to eat and I was sick of hearing that breakfast really is the most important meal of the day when I wasn’t sure if any of my children were actually doing any eating at breakfast—they were doing a lot of arguing and a lot of sitting around and letting their cheerios get soggy and then complaining that their cheerios were too soggy to eat.

So I thought! Eggs! Turkey bacon! Fruit! Orange juice! Pancakes! It’s a more more beautiful picture, really. (Isn’t it?)

Until I realized that this was basically a glorified punishment for me. Because even though I got to put on a lovely anthropologie apron, I waking up twenty minutes earlier means having to wake up twenty minutes earlier and then waking up all three of my very, very tired children twenty minutes earlier. And then I have to actually, you know, cook said promised breakfast before I am allowed to even attempt to percolate my necessary coffee.

For the past three days, I have made breakfast.

And somehow I’m the only one with the full belly. They didn’t eat the eggs, they didn’t eat the pancakes, they didn’t eat the toast, they didn’t eat the fruit, they didn’t drink the juice. But I sure as heck did. All of it.

And we are all just so tired.

Maybe tomorrow we’ll just go back to fighting over soggy cereal and hiding behind my coffee mug.

 

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  1. Love it. I usually don’t make breakfast unless it is a weekend and Melissa is out, but I can relate. I’m usually 1/2 way out the door, and the coffee never comes fast enough even with a kurieg. And no one in my family seems to understand I need quiet until I have had my coffee and maybe beyond that. I am not a morning person at all.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Non-coffee drinkers just don’t get it, eh?

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    Corey Feldman replied on

    No the don’t and ,eh is my favorite Canadian expression.

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    Comment by Corey Feldman on June 7, 2012
  2. Thanks for the smile. I needed that this morning! I have relegated pancakes to Sunday mornings (when daddy makes them and I drink coffee while checking facebook) or a random weeknight about twice a month where we have ‘upside down dinner.’ They seem to appreciate it a lot more when it’s 6pm, everybody is relatively alert, and I’m well caffeinated. And if I make extras and there’s enought for breakfast, everybody wins.

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    ali replied on

    Breakfast for dinner is my absolute FAVORITE. :)

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    Comment by Carolyn on June 7, 2012
  3. morning have been deteriorating in our house for months. I keep saying it will get better when school it out but who I am kidding. The kids still have to get up to go to day camp and I still have to get up to go to work. GAHHHH!

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    Comment by Chantal on June 7, 2012
  4. Urk… I wouldn’t even bother trying to make a proper breakfast for my kids (although, I agree, it is a lovely picture) because I know the little stinkers wouldn’t eat any of it. All of a sudden they would decide that they didn’t like fruit. Not all fruit mind you, just the specific fruit that I had peeled and arranged on their plates to look like a flower. And despite their loving pancakes when I serve them for dinner, I’m sure there would be something intrinsically wrong with eating them at breakfast time.

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    Comment by Jessica on June 7, 2012
  5. Thank you for reminding me to put on my bra. I knew I forgot something.

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    Comment by Sharon on June 7, 2012
  6. My brain thinks that if it’s a hot breakfast, it’s a proper breakfast. In our house, microwaved mini pancakes passes as “proper.”

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    Comment by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on June 7, 2012
  7. you were standing in MY kitchen when you wrote this! one of my cheats is to buy cinnamon bread, drag it through egg and throw it on the griddle. bam! it’s gourmet french toast :)

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    Comment by Louise on June 7, 2012
  8. I’m so happy to hear there is someone else out there struggling with breakfast. There are times I just say what the heck and give them sugary cereal with a side of fruit.

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    Comment by Kelly on June 7, 2012
  9. I think this must be why I grew up on Pop Tarts. :)

    You’re more than welcome to make me breakfast next week!

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    If by “make you breakfast” you really mean “take you out for breakfast” than yes.

    Also.. NEXT WEEK!

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    Kristabella replied on

    CORN MUFFINS!

    I’m getting way too excited!!!

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    Comment by Kristabella on June 7, 2012
  10. I stopped worrying about breakfast years ago. I discovered a handy gadget about a year ago. It’s a microwave egg cooker that is about the size of an egg mcmuffin egg. I buy english muffins to make egg sammies for them in the morning. 45 seconds to cook and toast the bread and a slice of cheese and BAM they got portable food to go while we drive to school. My youngest son gets his in a zip bag to eat at school. Saved my life! When I’m desperate I use hamburger buns and make a breakfast jack a la Jack in the box…I’m a genius, I know. :)

    [Reply]

    monstergirlee replied on

    Angie – that’s brilliant! Love the idea, thanks!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angie on June 7, 2012
  11. Most school days the kids get toast (cinnamon or honey) or cereal and a glass of milk. That’s it. On the weekends tho, especially Saturday I make pancakes or waffles. I just realized something, if I make scrambled eggs, it’s usually for Dinner. Breakfast for Dinner is one of my favorite It’s-5:45-and-holy-shit-I-have-to-cook-food-for-this-family Dinners.
    In the summer tho, I make pancakes and french toast alot. Because they can wait until 9:30 for breakfast. yay summer!

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    Comment by monstergirlee on June 7, 2012
  12. I must be doing it all wrong! The only time we have a real breakfast is when I make it for dinner. Every morning the kids and daddy eat cereal….a BOC to be exact. When I’m feeling fancy, they get oatmeal.

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    Comment by Alison on June 7, 2012
  13. My son doesn’t eat cereal so it’s usually toast (raisin or brown bread) or I make crepes .. which really is super quick! Then they can spread pb/jam or nutella-banana on the crepe (instead of sticky syrup) roll it up and instant nutricious breakfast.

    I do the egg mcmuffin style breakfast too, recommend the microwave for the egg .. takes 60 sec with a beaten egg in a greased mug and a splash of water.

    If your kids eat steal cut oats then you can make them the night before (soak equal amts of oats/water in just boiled water) heat and serve with grated apple, cinnammon, almond slivers, drizzle of honey, so yummy!

    Sarah

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    Comment by sarah on June 7, 2012
  14. I love this post & applaud your efforts this week! I hate mornings and my two year old is already a pain in the butt when it comes to eating breakfast. In our house it’s a two stage process: Cheerios in my bed at 6:30 am (most of which end up on the floor or in my sheets!) then a big fight over what else she’ll eat before leaving for daycare. Nice to see things don’t change once they grow up ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Hailey on June 7, 2012
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