My sense of smell these days, you guys.
I swear to god, if I didn’t absolutely/positively/without any possible room for doubt KNOW for sure that I wasn’t pregnant, you might be able to convince me that I was pregnant.
(I am not.)
But right now? Everything smells. The world is a smelly, smelly place.
My neighborâ€”when she was pregnantâ€”used to gag every time it rained. She claimed that she could smell THE WORMS. I was pretty sure that she was batshit out-of-her-mind crazy.
And now I totally get it.
Because I can smell it all today, after the rain. The grass, the gross old water smell, and, yes, the worms.
I can’t drink the water from the fridge because it smells like stale water.Â I can’t eat off of our dishes and use our silverware because they smell like…something I just can’t put my finger on, but it’s gross.Â And I seriously cannot even be in the same room as my dog. I’m frightening everyone in my family right now with tales of how the backyard smells too much like tobasco and how the Tide is making my clothing smell like old people, and my nanny is starting to wonder why I am constantly sniffing the plates and the glasses.
I’m also about thisclose to becoming a vegetarian.
(Not pregnant. I swear.)
This would totally be my superpower.
I can tell you what child has recently eaten Cheerios.Â I could sniff out every woman at the supermarket who wears Chanel #5. I can tell you when kids have been playing outside.
That I-just-played-outside-sweat-smell on kids? Oh my god.Â
I’m OLFACTORY GIRL!
What?!?Â It’s not any lamer thanÂ Wonder Woman or The Green Lantern…