Well, this is a fun 2012 Oscars game.
Perhaps not quite as fun as the Scorsese drinking game, but this one leaves you feeling a little less woozy and pukey on the other end. Bonus!
So, it’s no secret that I always have high hopes for fashion at the Oscars. It’s THE most important night for you if you work in film. It’s about glam, it’s about beauty, and it’s about walking that red carpet without getting doused with ashes by The Dictator. I was kind of, well, underwhelmed last night.
Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis were stunning, I thought.
And I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who didn’t like Rooney Mara’s sososososevere look and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who kind of DID likeÂ Berenice Bejo’s mint green dress and bang-braid emsemble.
Mostly though, with the exception of Angelina Jolie’s leg, it was a night of Bat-Mitzvah dresses (See: Natalie Portman), Bridesmaid dresses (See: Maya Rudolph), and Mother-of-the-Bride dresses (See: Sandra Bullock). It was a night of NEAR-MISSES.
Cases in point:
I wanted to love Michelle Williams, but I found the midsection of her dress to be just a wee bit problematic for me. I mean, WHAT WAS IT? Why was it there? Was it a skirt? See Also: Tina Fey. She seemed to have a matching mid-section frilly tutu-like addition to her dress. I really hope this doesn’t become A THING.
I wanted to love Gwyneth Paltrow. BUT SHE WORE A CAPE. And she’s not a superhero. Also, her hair was not okay. Had she just gone to the gym before she arrived on the red carpet?
I wanted to love Emma Stone, but I was too confused by the giant bow that was eating her face. The color was fabulous, the fit of the dress at her waist was lovely. But the bow. THE BOW.
I wanted to love Natalie Portman, but I’m fairly certain she was channeling Natalie Portman in 1990. Was this her Bat Mitzvah dress? I have two words for you that probably should never accompany your Oscar dress: POLKA DOTS. Also, it looks like she stole the necklace from her mother’sÂ jewelryÂ box. In 1984.
I wanted to love Kristen Wiig. I REALLY did. Because I think the shape of the dress is just perfect. It fit her perfectlyâ€”there were no signs of her hipbones (I’m looking at you, Rooney Mara) or her Spanx (I’m looking at you, Cameron Diaz). But the color is just so drab. She could have chosen A COLOR or gone with white, like everyone else.
What about you?
Who did you hate?
Who did you REALLY WANT TO LIKE BUT?