Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment. I refuse to share with you how long it has been since I went in for a regular cleaning, and truthfully, it’s not all that relevant to you, dear reader, as I have a mother (two, even) and I don’t need to be told how important regular cleanings are, but, you know there’s that thing called life that gets in the way and that whole fear about having to get a new crown to replace the old crown that’s just a wee bit too close to the gumline and might require a procedure to lower the gumline and expose more tooth and expose more $$ out of my bank account.
But, those were my big plans for yesterday.
A little work at my desk in the morning. A little work on my couch in the afternoon. A dentist appointment.
Now, as a person who works from home almost all the time, there’s a little thing that runs through your head as you head out to open up and say ahh. Option A: You can have a shower, change out of your (clean) yoga pants and Target hoodie, put on some jeans and a sweater, do the five-minute makeup routine, and run out of the house to see said dentist. Option B: You can opt out of the shower, keep on your (clean) yoga pants and Target hoodie, do the five-minute makeup routine, and run out of the house to see said dentist.
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
What do you choose?
I was introduced to a brand-new phrase yesterday. Actually, I should say that it was new to me, as many of my friends had already heard this phrase floating around their social media outlets.
So, obviously, because I have the mind of a 12-year-old boy, I think..dirty moms are, um, moms who like to watch porn? HOT.
Alas, no. I am wrong. Dirty moms are moms who like to wear yoga pants.
So, obviously, I think…well, that makes sense, as my Lululemons are total magic ass pants. HOT.Â
But alas, no. I am wrong again.
Dirty moms are moms who are dirty, as in…unclean.
INSERT MY WTF FACE HERE:
I see moms out in jeans and sweaters and boots and expensive coats and carrying expensive purses and with hair that’s freshly blown-dry.
I see moms out in yoga pants and hoodies and Uggs and ponytails.
I see moms out in combinations of the above.
And I have never once considered any of them to be UNCLEAN DIRTY GROSS NASTY.
Because none of this has to do with HYGIENE.
It has to do with personal taste. It has to do with personal choices.
Call me a hypocrite.
Go on. Do it.
But I will tell you that you are wrong.
Because I make no apologies for judging you if you are wearing leggings as pants.
And I make no apologies for judging you if you are wearing flannel PJ pants as pants.
This isn’t ‘Nam, people. There are rules.Â
1. I shouldn’t see any folds of your ass or your crotch at any time.
2. I shouldn’t see anything sold in the pajama section of a store being worn out in public.
But you want to wear yoga pants? Wear ‘em.
You want to wear a baseball hat or a ponytail or use that weird dry shampoo stuff? Go for it.
You want to wear a hoodie and runners? Yes.
You want to wear a dress? Good on you.
You want to wear no makeup at all? Indeed.
You want to wear Uggs? Wear them. (I do.)
You want to shoot yourself with a makeup gun? Your choice.
Make your choices. Own your choices.
I chose the jeans and the sweater and the boots.
I showered and wore makeup.
I own my choice.
That is how I feel comfortable.
Not for my dentist.
Not for the people out there YELLING ABOUT ALL THE DIRTY MOMS.
It’s about me.
(And maybe, possibly because I always dress for the day that I will casually bump into Idris Elba on the street)
A lot of good it did me. I still need to get a gooddamn new crown. And have the procedure. And dig deep into my pocketbook.Â