February 16 12

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment. I refuse to share with you how long it has been since I went in for a regular cleaning, and truthfully, it’s not all that relevant to you, dear reader, as I have a mother (two, even) and I don’t need to be told how important regular cleanings are, but, you know there’s that thing called life that gets in the way and that whole fear about having to get a new crown to replace the old crown that’s just a wee bit too close to the gumline and might require a procedure to lower the gumline and expose more tooth and expose more $$ out of my bank account.

But, those were my big plans for yesterday.

A little work at my desk in the morning. A little work on my couch in the afternoon. A dentist appointment.

Now, as a person who works from home almost all the time, there’s a little thing that runs through your head as you head out to open up and say ahh. Option A: You can have a shower, change out of your (clean) yoga pants and Target hoodie, put on some jeans and a sweater, do the five-minute makeup routine, and run out of the house to see said dentist. Option B: You can opt out of the shower, keep on your (clean) yoga pants and Target hoodie, do the five-minute makeup routine, and run out of the house to see said dentist.

WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?

What do you choose?

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I was introduced to a brand-new phrase yesterday. Actually, I should say that it was new to me, as many of my friends had already heard this phrase floating around their social media outlets.

Dirty Moms.

So, obviously, because I have the mind of a 12-year-old boy, I think..dirty moms are, um, moms who like to watch porn? HOT.

Alas, no. I am wrong. Dirty moms are moms who like to wear yoga pants.

So, obviously, I think…well, that makes sense, as my Lululemons are total magic ass pants. HOT. 

But alas, no. I am wrong again.

Dirty moms are moms who are dirty, as in…unclean.

UNCLEAN?

Really?

INSERT MY WTF FACE HERE:

I see moms out in jeans and sweaters and boots and expensive coats and carrying expensive purses and with hair that’s freshly blown-dry.

I see moms out in yoga pants and hoodies and Uggs and ponytails.

I see moms out in combinations of the above.

And I have never once considered any of them to be UNCLEAN DIRTY GROSS NASTY.

Because none of this has to do with HYGIENE.

It has to do with personal taste. It has to do with personal choices.

*********

Call me a hypocrite.

Go on. Do it.

But I will tell you that you are wrong.

Because I make no apologies for judging you if you are wearing leggings as pants.

And I make no apologies for judging you if you are wearing flannel PJ pants as pants.

This isn’t ‘Nam, people. There are rules. 

1. I shouldn’t see any folds of your ass or your crotch at any time.

2. I shouldn’t see anything sold in the pajama section of a store being worn out in public.

 

But you want to wear yoga pants? Wear ‘em.

You want to wear a baseball hat or a ponytail or use that weird dry shampoo stuff? Go for it.

You want to wear a hoodie and runners? Yes.

You want to wear a dress? Good on you.

You want to wear no makeup at all? Indeed.

You want to wear Uggs? Wear them. (I do.)

You want to shoot yourself with a makeup gun? Your choice.

Make your choices. Own your choices.

*********

I chose the jeans and the sweater and the boots.

I showered and wore makeup.

I own my choice.

That is how I feel comfortable.

FOR ME.

Not for my dentist.

Not for the people out there YELLING ABOUT ALL THE DIRTY MOMS.

Me.

It’s about me.

(And maybe, possibly because I always dress for the day that I will casually bump into Idris Elba on the street)

 

A lot of good it did me. I still need to get a gooddamn new crown. And have the procedure. And dig deep into my pocketbook. 

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  1. Dirty Moms? Seriously? Clearly I’m screwed.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sharon on February 16, 2012
  2. I freaking love your WTF face.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on February 16, 2012
  3. I wear makeup every time I leave the house. Even sometimes at home. I’m even contemplating buying skinny jeans and ballet flats just because I can. Nope, no dirty mom and yoga pants here.

    And I’m SOOOO overdressed when I leave the house it makes me uncomfortable.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jennifer P on February 16, 2012
  4. Because we need more labels right?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kat on February 16, 2012
  5. Now I feel guilty for our “one two three lets all make dentist appointments” challenge.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Do not! It was the best thing for me!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Daisy on February 16, 2012
  6. I wear leggings as pants as long as my shirt is long enough to cover my ass and cootch. I always looks good…

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Then you are not wearing them as pants, my dear…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maya on February 16, 2012
  7. Let me tell you about my gum surgery I had when I see you in two days! I know, fun topic of conversation, right? Dirty moms are not moms who wear yoga pants. Who the f*ck came up with that?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loukia on February 16, 2012
  8. Yes, exactly.
    I (in my very humble opinion) think that readers got wrapped up in, and the author got a little carried away with, focusing on the “makeup, sparkly earrings, fancy shoes and perfectly coiffed hair part.
    I really think she was just trying to make the point that all it takes is you know, a shower if you need it, clean *not pajamas* clothes, and a tiny bit of effort. It really isn’t about how much time you have to spend on it, or how much money you spend, or what other areas of your life you would rather focus on, but really it is just about being clean and taking pride in what you are wearing, which in my opinion is NOT pajamas. In public. Ever.
    And I remember “Alis Closet” – it would appear that you are definitely NOT a dirty mom, even if some days you choose to wear a baseball cap or yoga pants.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amy on February 16, 2012
  9. Idris Elba…mmmmmmmm…..

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    INDEED.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nanette on February 16, 2012
  10. Why not ever make labels for men?? Geez maybe because men don’t care what they wear or who sees them or what people say.
    Utter stupidity.
    I wear my yoga pants and baseball hat proudly ;-)

    [Reply]

    Comment by CinnamonGirl on February 16, 2012
  11. Yoga pants are the best. When my husband stops wearing his red crocs out to Costco (yes, I said red), I’ll stop wearing my yoga pants.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Anne Rodrigues on February 16, 2012
  12. So many things about this post, Ali. Apologies in advance for hijacking your comments:

    1) Don’t feel bad about waiting for your teeth cleaning appointment! Last year I realized that in the ENTIRE time we have been dating, engaged, married, and had a kid together, I realized that my husband has never once, no, not ONCE, gone to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned, ohmygodsogross. As you can probably tell from the life events described above, it was A LOT OF YEARS since my husband had seen a dentist. I finally had to BLACKMAIL him to go see a dentist and when they looked in his mouth I’m sure they saw dollar signs galore. They told him that if he had waited much longer his teeth would have started to DECAY. So, I hope you feel better about however long it was before you went to your dentist. Also, I have to say that you wouldn’t know of my husband’s dental situation by looking at him, he actually has very white, straight teeth, but is stupid weird about going to the dentist.

    2) I have a job that is lovely in that I can work from home once in a while if necessary (ie. doctor’s appointments, etc.). But I just can’t roll out of bed and take out my laptop. I need to shower, blow-dry, and get dressed first. This isn’t a dig on you as much as it is a statement about me, I don’t think you are a dirty mom! It’s just a personality thing. I need to feel a physical separation between my lounging-self and my work-self. And, I can’t work braless (not that you do). Just sayin’.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    I can’t do anything braless. Even sleep.
    Even though I barely have boobs.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Also, it was about a year and a bit since I went to the dentist. Not that crazy…

    [Reply]

    Jen replied on

    OK well then you’re all good. Definitely not a dirty mom at all. Isn’t it funny that there doesn’t seem to be a similar term for the dirty dad? My husband has to wear suits for work almost exclusively so he looks pretty together at least five days a week but left to his own devices it’s scruffy face, sweatpants, and a long-sleeve (long-sleeved?!) t-shirt. Aaaand, he hadn’t been to the dentist in like 5 years. If ever there were a case for dirty dad, he’d be it. Although generally it’s only the women who seem to love the labels.

    Comment by Jen on February 16, 2012
  13. I think that if someone has so much vanity that they’ll get up a half hour before their kids do just to make sure they look quote unquote pretty, that’s fine, but it’s not that important to others, and I don’t even care if people wear pajama pants out. Labeling them “Dirty Moms” is dirtier than anything the moms could do.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Using the word DIRTY in this context is just kind of disgusting.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on February 16, 2012
  14. It may be weird, but I love my dry shampoo!

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    I’m not judging your dry shampoo, I promise :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Louise on February 16, 2012
  15. Ohmygod. Can’t we all just leave each other alone? I highly doubt that I — a mum who wears yoga pants and a t-shirt every freaking day because it’s COMFY, dammit! — am any dirtier than the mum standing next to me all made up and wearing fancy clothes. Style/trendiness (or lack thereof) does not equal cleanliness. Ridiculous.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jessica on February 16, 2012
  16. I read the dirty moms post and it’s zillion comments yesterday and was, once again, pissed at women being bitches to other women. You do your thing, I’ll do mine (theoretically…not you specifically, Ali) and we can all lead happy lives the way we want. As I threw on my clean yoga pants and sweatshirt and cap this morning to walk my kid to school, I thought to myself sarcastically, “Look at me, I’m a dirty mom” and then I realized I don’t really give a shit. I don’t stink. My hair was brushed. I don’t have boogers hanging out of my nose. My family is happy and guess what? I can come home and take a shower in PEACE.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    If you don’t have boogers hanging from your nose, that’s a win right there.

    That’s what I always say.

    [Reply]

    Jana A (@jana0926) replied on

    Right? :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jana A (@jana0926) on February 16, 2012
  17. I’m new to the term, but not the concept. I’ve certainly run across people who would qualify and I’ve judged them. There’s always leeway for new moms, but if your kid is 10 and you’re in pajama pants everyday, please take a damn shower. Have some respect for yourself!!

    [Reply]

    Pgoodness replied on

    P.S. yes, I have someone specific in mind at my kids school! She’s NEVER cleaned up…drop off, pick up, any time.

    Other than that, unless your stench is all up in my nostrils, whatever. :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Pgoodness on February 16, 2012
  18. Because i know the rules and am by nature a rules follower, when I leave the house I change out of my pajama bottoms and into my fancy pants, the good yoga pants that were expensive and look great.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on February 16, 2012
  19. Perhaps this is just my ignorance, but would someone kindly explain to me the difference between wearing pajama pants in public and wearing yoga pants in public? How does one warrant ridicule and judgement but the other is totally okay? Aren’t they the same thing: stretchy, unflattering active wear meant for specific activities where fashion doesn’t matter and worn for their comfort and ease? I’m not saying you can’t wear yoga pants in public. Personally I don’t think they’re appropriate in public, so I don’t wear them; that’s my choice. But I don’t understand how one can justify making fun of the poor fashion choices in others while essentially making the same choice themselves.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Not ignorance AT ALL.
    To me they don’t even fall in the same category. To other people that may be different.

    But maybe that’s because of Lululemon. Lululemon has made the yoga pant…um…SEXY ;) I don’t really wear them out as regular clothing (I mean, sometimes I do, like at 8:30 on weekend mornings when I’m running my kids to and from their swim classes)—more like activewear…if that makes sense.

    But to me…pajama pants are FOR SLEEPING. Lululemon is working to make yoga pants part of an active wardrobe. Pajamas aren’t doing that actively…they are still marketing for the bedroom.

    I’m probably not making any sense…but, well, that’s how I feel…
    Jeans (do not equal) yoga pants (do not equal) pajama pants

    [Reply]

    Comment by MonsteRawr on February 17, 2012
  20. I always put on jeans when I leave the house. I don’t even own a pair of yoga pants now that I think of it.
    But there are days you could call me a dirty mom for forgetting to clean yesterday’s mascara from under my eyes before I walk the kids to school.
    I try to hide my messy hair with a knit cap or baseball cap. But I have yet to walk my kids to school in my PJ pants.
    I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I’ll shut up now.

    [Reply]

    Comment by monstergirlee on February 17, 2012
  21. 1) So dental work isn’t part of the free health care stuff in Canada?

    2) Sometimes it is nice not to shower and wear jeans or a dress. Sometimes it is nice to run errands in yoga pants and a hoodie. Sometimes I’ll throw on the jeans. Why do people care so much?

    3) I mean, sometimes people fall drunkenly asleep in their clothes they wore all day. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on February 20, 2012
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