January 4 12

When my husband and I went to see The Sixth Sense in the theater, we were prewarned that we should expect A GAME-CHANGING TWIST! While I sat down with my bag of popcorn that was bigger than my face and wondered about why the young Mischa Barton needed to vomit so much in the movie, my husband had been thinking about the game-changing twist. And around the time that Mischa Barton was vomiting, he turned to me and said this:

“Bruce Willis is dead.”

And, of course, if you have seen the Sixth Sense, you know that he was right. Bruce Willis was, in fact, one of the dead people that pre-puffy-faced Haley Joel Osment saw.

And, of course, if you haven’t seen the Sixth Sense, (SURPRISE! SPOILER ALERT!) you are about 13 years late to the party.

When I started reading the Harry Potter series in 2011, I went  in knowing things. Because I may own this Threadless t-shirt, I already knew that Snape kills Dumbledore. Because I watch the talk show circuit, I already knew that Ron and Hermione engage in some last-movie snogging. It’s kind of the nature of the beast.

And guess what?

I was okay with it. I swear, it didn’t take away from my love of the series. Not even a little bit. To be honest, I kind of assumed that Dumbledore was going to die and I kind of assumed that Ron and Hermione were going to get it on. I still wanted to see how it happened. Spoilers didn’t change that.

So, I guess I need to assume that because I started watching The Wire in 2011, I go in knowing things. And I do. I know that Omar dies. I know that season 2 is controversial—some people loved it, some people hated it. And Jesus, I know about D’Angelo Barksdale. And I’m almost as angry about that as I am about Wallace. WALLACE. I am still so angry about Wallace.

Best scene in television ever? Possibly.

D’Angelo: Where’s Wallace? Where the fuck is Wallace? Huh? Huh? String? String? Look at me! Where the fuck is Wallace? HUH!? I don’t want this Payless-wearing motherfucker representing me. I’ma get my own man. So just get back in your car and get the fuck back down south.
Stringer: A’ight, you stupid motherfucker, you made your decision.
D’Angelo: Yeah, I made my decision. Where’s Wallace at? Where the fuck is Wallace? Where’s Wallace, String? String! Where the fuck is Wallace? Huh? Stringer?!

But to be honest, I kind of assume that everyone on The Wire is going to die. And knowing certain things? It doesn’t change the experience. Even if you know certain things, you don’t know everything. You don’t know exactly when or how or why it’s coming. You don’t know certain circumstances. You don’t know that stupid D’Angelo Barksdale is going to make you cry giant crocodile tears while begging Stringer Bell to tell him what happened to Wallace.

And so, here is a newsflash for all of you; a spoiler, if you will.

Spoilers are everywhere.

They are unavoidable. Twitter, Facebook, blogs, Gawker.com. People are talking about pop culture. They are talking about movies, television shows, books. I mean, I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t get on Twitter at exactly one minute after A BIG REALITY SHOW ends and be all, “Can you believe that XXXX won? XXX totally got robbed, man!” because, well, I have respect for time zones and dvrs and I get that people don’t want to spoiled right away, especially if you are right about the watch the end of a season you have been following for many, many months. I’m not that much of a dick.

But, honestly, I really am not going to wait three months for you to catch up on on your DVR if you are behind.

People! PLEASE STOP GETTING SO ANGRY WHEN SOMETHING GETS SPOILED.

Get over it.

And start watching more quickly so I can have someone to talk to.

Because I really needed to talk about the season finale of Dexter. And Survivor.

And season 2 of The Wire.

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  1. See, I try to stay clear. I don’t think I knew Omar died. But even if I did, like you said, it’s more getting to that point anyway.

    The one thing I’ve tried to be good about is Six Feet Under. I know that the series finale is awesome and I don’t want to know ANYTHING about it! And I’m so close! I think I have 10 episodes left in the last season.

    SO DON’T SAY ANYTHING PEOPLE!

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Wait…What? Omar didn’t die? I saw it on Gawker TODAY?

    Also…just so you know, the Six Feet Under finale build-up was tooooooo much. I was kind of underwhelmed. It was good and satisfying…but I don’t really know what the hype was all about.

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    Kristabella replied on

    No! He dies. I just didn’t know, even all these years later! I was shocked when it happened!

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    Comment by Kristabella on January 4, 2012
  2. I have never seen The Wire, I’m still on Season 4 of Dexter… basically all the cool shows people talk about? I watch them about five years later on DVD and then I’m all “Ohhhh…I get why they liked it so much”.

    Pretty much everything is a spoiler to me. But I also have a horrid short term memory, so there’s that.

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    Comment by Sharon on January 4, 2012
  3. I knew who won Survivor but I’m still watching the season finale just because I wanted to see HOW it happened. Totally worth it.

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    Comment by Jen on January 4, 2012
  4. I laugh at people who say: DON’T SPOIL THIS SHOW on Twitter. Dude. If it’s that important to you, get OFF Twitter and watch it. Seriously.

    The funniest was the people saying don’t spoil the ending of Harry Potter 7, part 2 movie. Come on now. The book had been out for three effing years.

    I’ve never cared. Truly. I am the girl who’d rather know if someone is going to die. I need warning. I used to read the last chapter of a book first. That’s a bit hard on my Kindle, so I stopped doing it.

    ps. I saw what you said on Twitter yesterday about all caps. But…sometimes you just have too. ;)

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    Comment by Issa on January 4, 2012
  5. I wanted to add…when I went and saw The Sixth Sense in the theater, some guy stood up and said that Bruce was dead. It was opening night and the place was packed. The entire place boo’d him.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Issa on January 4, 2012
  6. I think sometimes the more emotionally charged moments, like who lives and who dies in Serenity, can be spoiled if you have to much information.

    I’m waiting on a friend to come over so we can finish this season of Dexter, but I’m getting sick of the wait!

    I was so pissed about Wallace and about Bodie in season 4, too. I still haven’t managed to get through season 5 of The Wire, though – it’s been kind of boring.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    We’re only on season 2 of the Wire. Haven’t hit any boring parts yet :) Or anything about Bodie. Heh.

    [Reply]

    Kristabella replied on

    You’ve met Bodie. You just don’t love him yet.

    His death rocked me.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on January 4, 2012
  7. I did the same thing with Sixth Sense, but I saw it YEARS AFTER it was out and my reaction was like “oh god, he’s dead isn’t he?”

    I dont’ have cable but will happily add Dexter on Hulu for you since I LOVED the seasons I DID watch via Netflix.

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    Comment by Mari on January 4, 2012
  8. awesome post!!! still have yet to watch the series finale of The Wire.

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    Comment by jinjorge on January 4, 2012
  9. Thank you for saying this. Whenever I by accident open my big mouth too soon on Twitter about a show, some people bark at me. So annoying, and it makes me sad.

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    Comment by Loukia on January 4, 2012
  10. See, and I think it’s kind of bitchface of people to tweet a spoiler. It’s really easy not to. On the other hand, it’s not that important.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    …but that’s what I wrote.
    I wouldn’t get on twitter and spoil like that. I never do that! But I want to be able to talk about it…on my site…or on fb…and I don’t want to have to wait months for people to catch up.

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    karengreeners replied on

    totally agree. it’s the immediacy of twitter, the unavoidability that makes it bitchfacey. if one must specifically click on a link before they are spoiled, then yep, clicker beware.

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    Comment by karengreeners on January 4, 2012
  11. please talk about Dexter – am dying to talk about the season final of Dexter as the whole season was such a disappointment & I almost stopped watching halfway through

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    Comment by Maria on January 4, 2012
  12. Agreed.

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    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on January 5, 2012
  13. [...] wonder if he spoils TV shows [...]

    Pingback by » Genetics At Play Cheaper Than Therapy on January 5, 2012
  14. I just finally saw The Sixth Sense this summer. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it before, because it is totally my type of show! Believe it or not, I had not heard about the ending and was totally surprised!

    Dexter this season was AWESOME! What a great plot twist with Professor Gellar. Now I can hardly wait to see what Deb does next season!!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jenny on January 6, 2012
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