September 15 11

It’s at times like these that I really miss having a dedicated place to write about pop culture, because the new fall tv season is barely underway and I already have way too many thoughts to overshare. Because, really, I must talk about Survivor and not just because the world is right again now that my boyfriend Jeff Probst and his blue shirts are back on my screen. No, we need to talk about the Jesse-Eisenberg wannabe superfan who calls himself COCHRANE. Really? Like, I’m not being punk’d here…this is REAL? Since when did reality tv show contestants decide that there’s absolutely no reason to be skilled as wilderness boys and can just come out to the south pacific and win playing what they refer to as a “social game” even though they say that they are plagued with insecurity. For example, COCHRANE (giggle), did you not realize that you were—at some point in the game—going to have to get in the water? I mean, come on, you are skinny and no you are not built like Ozzy but, dude, get the eff over it and just get in the water. ALSO, I thought contestants had to pass some sort of “I’M NOT CRAZY” psychological testing before being tossed into the wild with other people. I’m thinking that LOCO HANTZ, otherwise known—to himself— as Hilter’s nephew, somehow cheated on his Survivor entrance exams, because that dude is off his rocker. Also, he creepily stares at women even though God told him not to. I don’t see this ending well at all.

And all of this talk of Jeff Probst and Jesse Eisenberg has led this post onto a completely different path than I had originally intended, but I like it, so let’s go with it, because JEFF PROBST. You know where we are headed, right? Straight into the uglyhots. They are, by definition, the unconventional crushes that don’t exactly fit into the mold of the typical people who show up on MY LIST (you know, the list where The Hamm sits right on top). This isn’t the first time I have mentioned having some rather interesting choices. Remember when I went on and on and on about Jesse Eisenberg’s hoodies and you all jumped right in to tell me that I was Loco Hantz crazy because there’s nothing sexy about him. Well, sexy is certainly in the eye of the beholder.

And this is who this beholder thinks is sexy, even if you don’t:

Jesse Eisenberg

Jeff Probst

Adrien Brody

Sean Penn

Eric Stoltz

Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera (but only together; not separately)

Ed Harris

I make no apologies..and yes, can offer you nothing by way of explanation.

Who is on YOUR uglyhot list?

 

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  1. I cannot believe you have a red-head on your list. That is all.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Gav on September 15, 2011
  2. Luke Wilson is my uglyhot crush.

    I totally get the appeal of Jesse Eisenberg also. He really does have a certain je ne sais quoi, even with his dreadfully unsexy hoodies.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Danielle on September 15, 2011
  3. Oh wow… I have SO MANY. The guy that played Max Headroom (my husband kind of looks like him, coincidentally). Jim Parsons (smart, even acted smart, is hawt). Steven Page, formerly of Barenaked Ladies. Neil Gaiman, more on that smart thing. Mathew Gray Gubler, the smartie from Criminal Minds. Patrick Stewart. I could go on, but I am embarrassed enough for one morning :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Wendy on September 15, 2011
  4. How is Johnny Knoxville ugly hot? He’s just HOT.

    The worst one for me is James Woods! Ed Harris is also on my list.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on September 15, 2011
  5. Ummm… Why is Eric Stoltz on that list? I love him.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Why is he on it?
    I think probably because he’s not really conventionally “hot”

    [Reply]

    Tamara replied on

    Well alright. I still think he’s dreamy even if Amanda Jones didn’t.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tamara on September 15, 2011
  6. Ed Harris, YES. Also, Dave Matthews and Matthew Modine (from Gross Anatomy). Mmmmmm good.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Alison on September 15, 2011
  7. I actually thought I was the only one who has this thing for Eric Stoltz (who is only the “hot” part of “uglyhot”). He has been top of my list with Harry Connick Jr for YEARS!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Dana on September 15, 2011
  8. Jeff Goldblum…Yummy…and…a little weird!

    [Reply]

    Comment by LibraryGirl62 on September 15, 2011
  9. Hands down, Kevin Spacey.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Karen Sugarpants on September 15, 2011
  10. I take offense that Jeff Probst is considered UGLY/hot.

    [Reply]

    mommabird2345 replied on

    I was thinking that exact same thing! How is Jeff Probst on this list? Look at those dimples. Yes, please. :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on September 15, 2011
  11. willem dafoe…ewwwww, yummy!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Julie on September 15, 2011
  12. Oliver Platt

    [Reply]

    Comment by Carrisa on September 15, 2011
  13. Oh my THANK YOU! So many points I agree with! See through skin and Survivor…on an ISLAND!! And he claims to go to Harvard!?

    On my list? Conan O’Brian, Elijah Wood. (I’m kinda embarrassed to even type that).

    [Reply]

    Comment by Suzanne on September 16, 2011
  14. Um, Ali? Jeff Probst should NOT be on the uglyhot list. He is just HOT, plain and simple. LOOK AT THOSE DIMPLES.

    That is all.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rebecca (Bearca) on September 16, 2011
  15. Eric Stoltz kind of looks like a woman in that photo. I’m just sayin.

    ps. Ed Harris? HOT. And also? I LOVE SURVIVOR. (But would learn to make fire BEFORE I got on the show, because Semhar? YOU ARE SCREWED, WOMAN!)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on September 16, 2011
  16. I love all of these men. SO. HOT.

    My uglyhot crush is Tommy Lee Jones. HAWT.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amy on September 17, 2011
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