August 19 11

Circa 10:30pm, in my bedroom.

Found in between my tits.

Circa 9:00pm, on the subway.

A gaggle of nine teenagers who won’t shut up. They were all dressed the same, like waiters or musicians or private school students, in black bottoms and white button-down shirts. They were amidst a heated discussion about the best thing that ever happened to them.

“I totally once lost 5 pounds in a weekend. And I didn’t even have the stomach flu. It was amazing!”

“Oh my god, you are so lucky!”

“I know, right?”

Yes. The best thing. Weight loss.

Circa 8:50pm, at the ScotiaBank theatre.

One Day was good.

Very good.

I was not expecting this. I was expecting to be troubled by certain parts that troubled me in the book (but with the exception of one…those things were cut from the movie. Just cut right out.)

I was expecting to be troubled by Anne Hathaway’s obvious miscasting in the role of Emma, as, if you hadn’t noticed, she’s not even English. But hot damn, she was *gulp* a good fit. Sure, her accent was all over the bloody place and, like, ridiculously BAD, but she got the comedic timing and the bumbly-ness of Emma perfectly. It was a whole Robert Pattinson situation. Remember that? When it was announced that the role of the positively perfect Edward was going to be played by that kid who was in Harry Potter and not by someone like Chace Crawford and everyone whined and complained and then 4 minutes into the movie tongues are being bitten and feet are being removed from mouths because oh my heavenly days that kid IS Edward Cullen.

The movie was quick, funny, smart, impressive.

I am just as shocked as you are. Trust me.

Circa 6:50pm, at the ScotiaBank theatre.

Seth’s and Knives’ nookie still didn’t stop me from my popcorn dinner.

There is, however, a possible popcorn in the cleavage situation. It’s too inappropriate to check.

Yes, I realize the irony here, considering what was happening right beside me.

Circa 6:30pm, at the ScotiaBank theatre. 

The most interesting couple on the planet. She has her DSi and is playing a very intense game of Wheel of Fortune. He is eating THREE cheeseburgers and two fries while yammering on about the photoshop greatness he was doing at work that day. He also dropped information containing the following things: twitter, comic books, clip art, Harry Potter, ComicCon, corduroy pants, Star Trek, Yoda, LARPing. I am desperately trying to not listen to their conversation or gawk at how many burgers this skinny guy can fit into his gob at one time or comment on how much he looks like Seth Cohen and how much she looks like Knives Chau.

THEN, Seth’s right hand is in between Knives’ thighs.

I kid you not.

His left hand still palming his burger, his right hand exploring special lady place. In a movie theater. In a movie theater.

Circa 6:00pm, on the streetcar.

Ali gives up her seat for the pregnant woman who is not pregnant.

Yes. My life is just like Ashley Hebert’s.

Where’s my JP?

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  1. I think I’m more appalled by the eating while exploring her lady bits than the fact that they’re in a movie theatre. (Which, I know, what does that say about me?) There are times at which it is inappropriate to multi-task.

    But. While I do think that Knives and Seth would actually make kind of a cute couple – ew.

    Also? I could not have lasted almost 4 hours with popcorn in my cleavage – very restrained of you!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jessica on August 19, 2011
  2. That takes talent. The eating and fondling at the same time, that is. Leaving popcorn to percolate in your cleavage doesn’t take much skill.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on August 19, 2011
  3. You survived your solo movie experience! And the movie was good! That makes it even better!

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    Yes! It was great. Also, I was not the only person there alone.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Meghan on August 19, 2011
  4. The backwards Seinfeld episode is my favorite.

    GOODNIGHT JUGDISH!

    *Sorry, this was all this post reminded me of.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on August 19, 2011
  5. So, I can go see the movie tomorrow? So glad you liked it, now I’m more excited to see it!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by AmazingGreis on August 19, 2011
  6. What I’ve learned from 3 weeks of streetcar commuting is that NO one gives up their seat. They all divert their eyes. So don’t even try to be nice. Fit in with the not-so-nice culture…

    And the popcorn was a bonus, right? A little snack for later.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Emma on August 20, 2011
  7. You are a survivor! good for you!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Michael on August 21, 2011
  8. [...] truth be told, there hasn’t been much single in my single life. With the exception of the movie I saw solo and my trip to the grocery store, my week has been [...]

    Pingback by » Un-Lonely Kind of Alone. Cheaper Than Therapy on August 22, 2011
  9. Good post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Cheers!

    [Reply]

    Comment by best voip phone service review on April 6, 2012
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