Once upon a time, in the not-so-distant past, I had a lovely wardrobe. I had settled in a weight that I was comfortable with and a size I figured I’d stay at for a very, very long time. I invested in dresses and good sweaters and nice pencil skirts…things that weren’t going to quickly go out of style and things that I absolutely loved. But then some unexpected things happen and I am suddenly finding myself almost 2 sizes smaller than I had gotten used to and those lovely dresses and sweater and pencil skirts are now making me look like I’m playing dress-up in my mom’s too-big-for-me clothing. And this former solid 34C is now just barely holding on to a 30B or 32A (at least that’s what my Target bras tell me, because, oh happy day, when you have just wee boobies, you can do things like buy brassieres off the racks at Target), except in a demi bra because, seriously, whoever in the heck invented THAT? Can anyone of any size wear a demi-bra and not get the horrible double boob effect?
Please note: I am not complaining. (Let’s call the wahmbulance! The girl who lost weight is whining again!)
For the first time in my life I look in the mirror and I like what I see. My body, right now, is a product of eating right and moving more.
BUT, I have been taking some drastic measures in the clothing department. Short from buying a brand-new wardrobe (which I cannot afford) and having everything taken in (which I also cannot afford), there’s little that can be done. Sure, I can occasionally get away with some strategically placed camisoles and some hidden-from-sight safety pin placement and some really high-tech camouflaging layering techniques.
But I have taken my Macgyvering up to a brand-new level.
You see, I am now wearing some of my dresses backwards.
This, actually, is a trick I learned from my stepmom. She is a frequent church-goer and if any of you have ever been to a place of worship, exposed boobage is slightly frowned upon. So, she once shared a piece of wonderful wisdom with me. If you wear a v-neck dress backwards…and toss on a cardigan, no one in your synagogue or church or any other house of God, is any the wiser that occasionally you wear that dress v-neck-side out to bars and places of non-worship.
So, when some of my most favorite dresses on the planet because unwearable, I needed to take some drastic measures.
No really. See?
Wait. Here. Get a better look, as aided by the help of a white camisole.
Notice the side puckering and how low that neckline falls. One of my most favorite dresses in the world. Unwearable. But, we have a solution! Turn that baby around and see what happens!
I really am a miracle worker, I tell you.
And then, as a final touch, throw on a cardigan.