Sometimes I feel like I’m a colossal fraud in the lady department.
Sure, I love dresses (hoo boy do I love dresses) and skirts and cardigans and sweaters and I could spend an entire day trying on 126 different outfits at anthropologie and I could drool over dresses online for hours on end and whine about how much I absolutely need yet another J.Crew striped shirt to add to my collection of, um, 12, and I could go out and buy something uber-trendy like colored jeans, and I may give you tips about not wearing leggings as pants and not wearing capes and not wearing white pants or manpris, but at the end of the day, I am not as put-together or fashion-forward as you might think or as I may have led you to believe.
Imelda Marcos was rumored to have upwards of 2,700 pairs of shoes. I often wonder, though, if she actually wore all of them. You see, I probably have in my possession, I don’t know, 80 pairs of shoes, but I wear about 15, maybe. And the pairs I wear? I assure you, they are not exciting. They are from Aldo and Gap and DSW. I like shoes, but I don’t love shoes. I live in ballerina flats or tasteful pumps. I appreciate a beautiful-looking shoe, but, in reality, I would rather spend my money on camera equipment than on a new pair of shoes.
I probably have in myÂ possession, say, 20 purses, but I carry exactly ONE. Actually, this is untrue. I carry two: Furla in the summer and anthropologie in the winter. And IÂ occasionallyÂ toss my $11 H&M purse into the mix, just for shits and giggles. I like purses, but I don’t love purses.
I wear makeup, obviously, but my routine is basically the same every day and it’s minimal at best. Concealer for raccoon eyes. Shadow. Lipstick or gloss. Mascara. Occasionally I throw in some eyeliner and red lipstick, but I usually end up looking a little bit too lady-of-the-night for my tastes and I don’t want to frighten my coworkers. I have bronzer but I have no clue what to do with it.
I don’t wash my face because I have lovely skin and when I do wash it, it becomes Sahara dry, so I avoid the process altogether.
Hair products? I use shampoo and conditioner. I use a hair dryer and an iron. That is all.
Accessories? I own four belts, but have absolutely no idea how to wear them. I wear my princess-cut Bat Mitzvah diamond studs every single day of my life. IÂ occasionallyÂ wear a necklace or two, when I remember. My sunglasses are all from Old Navy and I have never spent more than $12 on a pair.
I can count on one hand the number of pedicures I have had in my lifetime.
Sephora scares the everloving crap out of me.
But I can’t help but think…maybe if IÂ keep wearing the red lipstick I can just keep continuing to fool all of you into thinking I’m a girly-girl…