July 5 11

I am never afraid to dispense my very opinionated fashion advice.

In fact, I have told you before how I feel about capes and ponchos. I have raged against the manpri. I have begged you to never wear leggings as pants. And I have no shame when it comes to snapping a shot of serious fashion disaster.

Stay classy, Toronto subway riders who wear black panties under white dresses.

But, you see, on Friday I had a bit of a fashion conundrum.

In my mind, the idea of JORTS was always one that brought nothing but NO NO NOs from me. They reminded me of my camp counselors from 1993, back in the days of oversized flannel and colored socks and Doc Martens. They reminded me of the dudes we’d meet at gas stations on family road trips; the ones who didn’t have any teeth and smelled like BenGay and beer. They reminded me of all of those angsty werewolves from Twilight. They reminded me of Joey Gladstone, back when he had his mullet and his rugby shirts. They reminded me of Ponyboy Curtis and Two-Bit Matthews and all of the other Outsiders.

They certainly never reminded me of

well

me.

I mean, I do typically follow these instructions about when it’s okay to wear Jorts.

funny graphs and charts
see more Funny Graphs

 

Only there I was on Friday morning, asking the good people of the internet…

Most people were NOT getting behind this idea. On the scale of 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, most people were at about a negative 87. But here’s the rub. My jorts are not acid washed or light coloured. My jorts do not expose any part of either of my ass cheeks. My jorts are not combined with an bandanas or cowboy hats or, well, frankly and of these shenanigans.

But, you guys, the more I looked at them, the more I kind of fell in love with them.

So what if they are technically jean shorts?

So what if they aren’t exactly technically hemmed at the bottom?

I love them.

That’s right, kids.

My name is Ali…and I am a JORTS=wearer.

(But so is she.)

You can begin your judging now.

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  1. So what if they’re technically “jorts”? They’re cute! As long as you can rock ‘em, you can wear ‘em. Except if we’re talking “manpris”. Those should never ever be worn.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jessica on July 5, 2011
  2. You look great in Jorts!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Meandering Matt on July 6, 2011
  3. Oh Ali, you’re so funny…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Grumble Girl on July 6, 2011
  4. I’m still trying to get past the girl from the subway…she’s got guts…or no mirror or good friends to tell her what the hell are you wearing!

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    Also, she clearly has no respect for those around her. Because *MY EYES*

    [Reply]

    Mari replied on

    How do you not JUST KNOW black underwear is a bad idea with… with THAT… ANY underwear would show underneath that… and no, i am definitely not advocating she NOT wear underwear…

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    The answer is:
    Nude-colored hanky panky low-rise thong.
    Clearly she DID NOT GET THE MEMO.

    [Reply]

    Jessica replied on

    I don’t know if I’d be that thrilled to see that either though… I think the real question here is “why the transparent dress?”

    ali replied on

    I agree, 100%
    See-through clothing is not a good idea.

    but if you wear nude thongs under white, you cannot see the thongs. That was my point.

    Comment by Charmedone17 on July 6, 2011
  5. As a frequent chanter (and watcher of the ultra cute YouTube video), “gators wear jorts” during the Georgia/Florida football rivalry, I cannot succumb to wearing jorts. They take on a whole different connotation here in the South.

    But I will admit you look cute in them.

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    I think, at the end of the day, NOT ALL JORTS ARE CREATED EQUAL.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Darcey on July 6, 2011
  6. I had a great pair of jorts in high school. They were supposed to just be hemmed, but then I cut them too short and then I cut them shorter to be jorts. I liked them and they were cool.

    Anyway, I think you look great in those. I do!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on July 6, 2011
  7. If I had legs like yours I would TOTALLY wear them. You look amazing as always.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on July 6, 2011
  8. Are you seriously telling me that woman was trying to pass that piece of tissue paper off as a dress? I just assumed those were shorts under a too-long top. As my mother always says – everyone should have a three-way mirror by the front door, and they should look in it before they go out.

    And I have two pairs of “jorts” – love them both!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Beth on July 6, 2011
  9. Oh, I see how it is. You get Rachel Bilson on your team and then you just think you’re winning, huh?

    (Well, fine, you probably are.)

    (Also: I don’t care what you call them, those are CUTE.)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kerri Anne on July 6, 2011
  10. So, maybe we learned that there are exceptions to every fashion rule, that confidence is sexy, that as long as you like the way you look then fuck everyone else, you rock it out?

    Maybe?

    Just sayin’, lay off the hatin’.

    [Reply]

    Comment by MonsteRawr on July 6, 2011
  11. Oh no! did I read the scale wrong? I gave you a 1 thinking it meant not bad at all.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tamara on July 6, 2011
  12. Hard to imagine you being anything but just right!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amanda on July 6, 2011
  13. Okay. So. I feel like this jorts situation is one where the “hard and fast” rule just doesn’t apply.

    Black panties under white dress: BAD

    Leggings as pants: BAD

    Jorts: Depends on the situation

    [Reply]

    Comment by Meghan on July 6, 2011
  14. I love your jorts!!! They’re great looking. They look smart, not tacky.

    In fact, I’d love a pair myself…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Bronnie on July 6, 2011
  15. Those jorts are so fetch!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on July 9, 2011
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