July 3 11

Me: I need to write my post.

Him: What? You need to ride my post?

Me: Well, thank you for that.

Him: For what?

Me: For reminding me that I wanted to write about what it’s like to live with a man.

Him: What? Where do you want me to put my hand?

Me: EXACTLY.

_____________________

Me: Are we out of pears?

Him: What’s that you said? A quickie upstairs?

_____________________

Me: Are we getting take-out?

Him: Of course we can make out. Come over here.

_____________________

Me: Give me a second…I just have to ask Ilana a question.

Him: What’s that about your ass?

_____________________

Me: I’m almost ready to go, I just have to put on my face.

Him: What do you want to put on my face?

_____________________

Me: I want to watch that movie. Remember? I can’t remember the name of it. Oh, come on. Remember?

Him: Oh right. I think it’s called Conquest. Jenna Jameson is in it. I remember you saying you wanted to see that.

_____________________

Me: I really, really love my job.

Him: You love blow jobs? That’s so funny…so do I!

_____________________

I cannot make reference to the size of anything or the shape of anything or the, um, hardness of anything without it ending in a “why thank you!” or a “that’s what she said.”

I cannot walk past my husband without fending off an ass grab or a boob grab.

I cannot use the word BALLS without there being some sort of 12-year-old follow-up joke.

I cannot make a reference to the word “behind” without some sort of ass retort.

I cannot imagine it any other way.

Although I could do with fewer tit grabs.

(“What did you say, baby? You need a tit grab?”)

 

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  1. I am SO forwarding this to my wife so she knows I’m not the only one who acts this way.

    Comment by SFD on July 4, 2011
  2. Nice. Heh.

    Comment by Grumble Girl on July 4, 2011
  3. Too funny! My husband is exactly the same. I could do with ass grabs too.

    Comment by Kathy on July 4, 2011
  4. I just get full on body grabbed – yeah, that’s awesome when I’m trying to make something for dinner or do the dishes, let me tell you.

    Comment by Mari on July 4, 2011
  5. I know. It’s always while trying to do something productive, eh?

    Comment by alimartell on July 4, 2011
  6. Yes, and it greatly cuts down said productivity when i need to give him a look and tell him to stop so I can finish.

    Comment by Mari on July 4, 2011
  7. LOVE this!

    Comment by AmazingGreis on July 4, 2011
  8. Heh, funny, I thought that’s the way men were *supposed* to behave.

    Comment by Karl on July 4, 2011
  9. I’m pretty sure IT IS
    🙂

    Comment by alimartell on July 4, 2011
  10. And I thought your Canada Day post was my favourite…well, perhaps for completely different reasons…I LOVE this one more. And based on the comments…I’m so glad this is normal. 😉

    Comment by Amanda on July 4, 2011
  11. what a dog…

    Comment by Gav on July 4, 2011
  12. As least he can cook! 😉

    Comment by Amanda on July 4, 2011
  13. HAHAHAHA!

    Comment by Kristabella on July 5, 2011
  14. I can relate and I love it.

    Comment by Heather on July 4, 2011
  15. Zat why it’s called penis brain? : )

    Comment by Pam @writewrds on July 5, 2011
  16. This gets a big ME TOO. Oy.

    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on July 5, 2011
  17. My boobs aren’t so much grabbed as they are honked.

    Honk, honk!

    Comment by Shauna on July 5, 2011
  18. I’m a week late in my reading thanks to my staycation, but I am so glad to come back to find that my husband is not the only ass/boob/crotch happy man on the face of the planet. In my house bending over to unload the dishwasher is like screaming ALERT!I’M HORNY! COME QUICK!

    Comment by Liz on July 12, 2011
  19. YES. The dishwasher, OMG

    Comment by alimartell on July 12, 2011
  20. I’m about a month or so late reading this…but I’m kinda jealous…and as I’m typing this I’m wearing a shirt that says, “That’s what she said!” so that could be the reason I’m single…

    Comment by Crystal on August 25, 2011
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