July 3 11

Me: I need to write my post.

Him: What? You need to ride my post?

Me: Well, thank you for that.

Him: For what?

Me: For reminding me that I wanted to write about what it’s like to live with a man.

Him: What? Where do you want me to put my hand?

Me: EXACTLY.

_____________________

Me: Are we out of pears?

Him: What’s that you said? A quickie upstairs?

_____________________

Me: Are we getting take-out?

Him: Of course we can make out. Come over here.

_____________________

Me: Give me a second…I just have to ask Ilana a question.

Him: What’s that about your ass?

_____________________

Me: I’m almost ready to go, I just have to put on my face.

Him: What do you want to put on my face?

_____________________

Me: I want to watch that movie. Remember? I can’t remember the name of it. Oh, come on. Remember?

Him: Oh right. I think it’s called Conquest. Jenna Jameson is in it. I remember you saying you wanted to see that.

_____________________

Me: I really, really love my job.

Him: You love blow jobs? That’s so funny…so do I!

_____________________

I cannot make reference to the size of anything or the shape of anything or the, um, hardness of anything without it ending in a “why thank you!” or a “that’s what she said.”

I cannot walk past my husband without fending off an ass grab or a boob grab.

I cannot use the word BALLS without there being some sort of 12-year-old follow-up joke.

I cannot make a reference to the word “behind” without some sort of ass retort.

I cannot imagine it any other way.

Although I could do with fewer tit grabs.

(“What did you say, baby? You need a tit grab?”)

 

-
  1. I am SO forwarding this to my wife so she knows I’m not the only one who acts this way.

    [Reply]

    Comment by SFD on July 4, 2011
  2. Nice. Heh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Grumble Girl on July 4, 2011
  3. Too funny! My husband is exactly the same. I could do with ass grabs too.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kathy on July 4, 2011
  4. I just get full on body grabbed – yeah, that’s awesome when I’m trying to make something for dinner or do the dishes, let me tell you.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    I know. It’s always while trying to do something productive, eh?

    [Reply]

    Mari replied on

    Yes, and it greatly cuts down said productivity when i need to give him a look and tell him to stop so I can finish.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on July 4, 2011
  5. LOVE this!

    [Reply]

    Comment by AmazingGreis on July 4, 2011
  6. Heh, funny, I thought that’s the way men were *supposed* to behave.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    I’m pretty sure IT IS :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Karl on July 4, 2011
  7. And I thought your Canada Day post was my favourite…well, perhaps for completely different reasons…I LOVE this one more. And based on the comments…I’m so glad this is normal. ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amanda on July 4, 2011
  8. what a dog…

    [Reply]

    Amanda replied on

    As least he can cook! ;)

    [Reply]

    Kristabella replied on

    HAHAHAHA!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Gav on July 4, 2011
  9. I can relate and I love it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heather on July 4, 2011
  10. Zat why it’s called penis brain? : )

    [Reply]

    Comment by Pam @writewrds on July 5, 2011
  11. This gets a big ME TOO. Oy.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on July 5, 2011
  12. My boobs aren’t so much grabbed as they are honked.

    Honk, honk!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shauna on July 5, 2011
  13. I’m a week late in my reading thanks to my staycation, but I am so glad to come back to find that my husband is not the only ass/boob/crotch happy man on the face of the planet. In my house bending over to unload the dishwasher is like screaming ALERT!I’M HORNY! COME QUICK!

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    YES. The dishwasher, OMG

    [Reply]

    Comment by Liz on July 12, 2011
  14. I’m about a month or so late reading this…but I’m kinda jealous…and as I’m typing this I’m wearing a shirt that says, “That’s what she said!” so that could be the reason I’m single…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Crystal on August 25, 2011
-

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

css.php