June 17 11

As a general rule, I do not, under any circumstances, SLEEP on the subway. I realize that my mornings start at the ungodly hour of 5:45am, a time when no human being should be rising, and so a 40-minute nap from Finch to Queen might mean a day with less coffee and fewer needs for naps. But, just, NO. The control freak in me thinks of things like snoring and drooling and farting and all of the other glorious bodily functions that can happen while you are unconscious in public. So, no matter how tired I am, I sit with my ebook of choice (it’s still the 600+ page The Invisible Bridge) and read. Sometimes I have to pinch myself so as to not drift off into a little kittynap.

There is also the fear of this, which we will call THE INVASION OF PERSONAL SPACE.

You may not be able to see my facial expression in this shot, but my semi-permanent, thank-you-30s laugh lines can tell you full stop that I am not, in fact, laughing. What is the good of having an actual seat on the train when the dude sitting next to you has basically decided to lie down ON TOP of you and your personal space and snooze? The dude that you do not know…who could have lice or scabies or leprosy or something else he wants to share with you.

In other news, while doing what I do best once my kids are in bed and the husband is off playing and/or watching hockey, AKA DICKING AROUND ON THE INTERNET, I came across the wonderful and hilarious Hipster Ariel and laughed maniacally once again because Hipster Ariel is awesome (even though I really feel like it should have been Snow White, since, you know, she was the original Disney Princess. You know, before Disney princesses were mainstream.)

But it was this

that gave me pause. “Am *I* a hipster?” I asked myself.

It seems, after consulting my sister, that I am, indeed somewhat of a hipster. I guess I have hidden behind my vintage frames and pretended that my hipster ways are un-hipster because they are vintage and not plastic and black.

But dudes? The signs all point to YES.

I can never have too many cardigans. Check.

I like bands until they become mainstream and then I don’t like them as much as I did before. Check.

I own a pair of Chucks. Check.

I own many pairs of skinny jeans, including at least one grey pair. Check.

I work in online publishing. Check.

I love anthropologie. Check.

I can discuss typography at length and in detail. Check.

I want to own a fixed-gear bike. Check.

I like cake balls. Check.

I love Apple products. Check.

I watch documentaries. Check.

I drink coffee. Check.

I own several hoodies. Check.

I own something vintage. Check.

I like Indie movies. Check.

I like photography. Check.

I use the word snark. Often. Check.

I read Pitchfork. Check.

I use Google Chrome. Check.

BUT

I have never had a PBR in my entire life. And I live in Pleasantville, for god’s sake and I go to sleep before midnight every.single.night.

That has to count for something. Right?

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  1. Last night’s subway adventure reminded me of you… Sitting in the two-seater, but turned sideways with my legs in the aisle (not too crowded, so I took advantage)… Next thing I know? My seat mate has dozed off and tipped sideways, now using MY BACK as a pillow. It was semi-hilarious. Subway sleepers amaze me.

    Also? Never too many cardigans. You are safe from hipsterdom.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Alicia on June 17, 2011
  2. HIPSTER! OMG HIPSTER!

    I love you either way, you are the most adorable sort of hipster.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    This is why I only consider myself Hispter-ISH…since, you know, the other part of me wears heels and pearls and Betty Draper dresses :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on June 17, 2011
  3. I love cardigans! I don’t think that makes you a hipster, unless you have feather extensions. That’s the new hipster trend.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    You mean like Steven Tyler?

    [Reply]

    Comment by kirida on June 17, 2011
  4. I have to admit… I used to be a subway sleeper. *hangs head* I know. I never, NEVER, used anyone as a pillow though. That’s just rude. I was one of those stiff as a board spastic nodding sleepers. And to be fair, my day saw me on the TTC at 6:00am going and 10:00pmish coming back. Still, I would never do it now – not that I really meant to then.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jessica on June 17, 2011
  5. You’re from Wisconsin and you’ve NEVER had a PBR?! I’ve never had one, but I’m from Canada and I hate beer.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lucia on June 17, 2011
  6. In a late-night conversation, Kerrianne and I decided that we don’t really get why everyone hates the hipsters. I mean, there’s a lot of them, in every city, so they must be on to something, right? We decided right then and there that we are pro-hipster.

    So if you are a hipster, YOU GO Glencoco.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    I will embrace my hipster ways!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kaleigha on June 17, 2011
  7. No, you’re totally a hipster.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on June 17, 2011
  8. You are not a hipster. There’s nothing but sincerity in that face.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Backpacking Dad on June 17, 2011
  9. Grey skinny jeans?
    Oh, Ali. I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I’m afraid you might be one of those hi.. hi… hi…

    Two final considerations… (FTW?)
    Hi***ers never ever sleep on the subway. True or False
    Hi***ers are fart-free. True or False

    [Reply]

    Comment by Pam @writewrds on June 17, 2011
  10. Don’t be ashamed by your hipster nature.

    Although, I don’t think you can be a hipster if you don’t know you’re a hipster.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on June 17, 2011
  11. The picture, it makes me cringe and I’m down South in North Carolina – THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY. I would actually be a little mean and over, though, so they’d jolt and realize.

    I did so on a plane, the moving so they’d wake up and turn the other way; I also silently screamed through an entire flight when SOMEONE’S ASS SQUISHED UNDER THE ARMREST…

    But other than that – I like your style, so hipster? Meh, s’ok in this instance. I also own no cardigans, though I would get some very over sized ones easily.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on June 17, 2011
  12. I have a hard time sleeping on planes for the same reasons you mentioned.

    Also, I could check off about 80% of that list, so…

    HIPSTERS FTW!

    (Is using “FTW” part of the hipster culture, too? I have a feeling it just might be.)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nanette on June 17, 2011
  13. what’s a PBR?

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    Pabst Blue Ribbon.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maria on June 18, 2011
  14. Please say The Invisible Bridge is good! My in-laws gave it to me on my Kindle for my birthday and it’s on my reading list for our cruise next week. But 600 pages–really??

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    I am halfway through and so far it’s EXCELLENT.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on June 18, 2011
  15. [...] you straddle the lines of hipsterdom (hispterhood?), you also straddle that fine line between liking being a hipster…and being [...]

    Pingback by » A Mostly-Hipster Gets New Glasses. A Tale. Cheaper Than Therapy on January 11, 2012
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